Internet dating and feeling a little worried please help?

[gemsangels123]

I have posted recently about Internet dating. I have nobody else to chat to...so would appreciate a little advice as I'm a little concerned. I'm trying to be cool and not chat too much. Go with the flow. Arranged 3 dates...asked for advice on here. Chatted on WhatsApp to a couple. One in particular because he texts alot and I feel I have to respond. Now he is getting mad at me because I'm not responding immediately but I'm in work then home and don't stop until 9pm. Now he's texting asking me if I'm arranging other dates. He is getting angry. I'm just worried because I have said where I work etc. I feel silly mailing this but I'm a bit worried as he is getting angry. I agreed to a coffee date next week I just havnt got time to message all day. Also I am chatting to others as that's the whole point isn't it?

[hellsbells76]

Back in the dark ages when I was online dating I was emailing a guy who went off on one when I didn't immediately respond to his message ('I thought you were different, you're just like all the other bitches...') I told him to fuck off and blocked him.

Few months later a friend asked me round to supper with a few other friends of hers including this bloke she thought I'd get on with/fancy. Guess who? That was an awkward evening.

[frieda909]

You're very welcome. I was dating online last year and met my current boyfriend that way, so I know the feeling well! I had a similar situation with a guy who just wouldn't back off, even after I told him I was now seeing someone and was no longer interested in dating. Like yours, he started out very chatty and friendly but then things went sour when I wasn't replying quickly enough for him. I tried over and over to be polite and in the end I just had to tell him that his continued contact was upsetting me, that he was being very disrespectful and that I wouldn't be replying again. Then I blocked him and I haven't thought about him since (well, until writing this post!)

[gemsangels123]

Thankyou
I haven't heard anything more. If i do i will send exactly that. Went into a panic and posted. Thanks for all the kind messages. Definitely a lesson learnt here!

[frieda909]

gems please try not to worry. No, it's not a good idea to tell people where you work but I know how easy it can be to get carried away and let things like that slip, so don't beat yourself up too much about it!

Things move very fast in online dating and he'll move on to someone else very soon, if he hasn't already.

You're right to trust your gut on this one. If he's making you feel uncomfortable then you do NOT have to meet him or even reply to him any more if you don't want to. If it were me I'd send him one final message telling him that he's made me uncomfortable and that it's not appropriate to demand immediate responses from a woman he's never even met, so you won't be responding to any messages from now on. Then I'd block him immediately to avoid being tempted to reply to any further messages from him. Out of sight, out of mind!

[gemsangels123]

Thanks cozie
I have calmed down a bit and no messages from him in the last half hour.

[cozietoesie]

In a way, you can almost be glad that you recognised the problems so early. If he'd ramped it up more gradually, you might have been sucked in without quite realising what was happening.

Well done for staying alert.

[gemsangels123]

I know my phone is on silent during working hours. I then get home to pick up children, cook tea etc etc. He just completely changed. It made me feel really sick. You just feel so vulnerable on your own. Where I work is huge so I'm just hoping he moves on to the next. This has made me question staying on the site. I just don't want the worry.

[Hissy]

I've been on the dating thread.

And left it. For good reason.

Each to their own. I'm not sneering, but it's not a healthy place in my opinion.

Which counts for precisely nothing.

[cozietoesie]

gem

I would actually have my phone switched to silent during work meetings and I wouldn't respond to any messages. If someone wanted to advise me of something, they'd have to run the gauntlet of colleagues to have a message brought to me - and it had better be darned serious.

To expect a call back right away would not only be daft it would also be downright disrespectful.

[Shameandregret]

People on the dating thread are just that: 'people'.

Basic safety is pretty much common sense and on the thread they will tell you everything said here. 'Self doubt and paranoia' is a shitty, bitchy way to describe it hissy. I've been here since 2007 (namechange regular due to job) and know you are forthright and honest and supportive but mocking and stereotyping is pretty crap behaviour.

I was OL dating because my ex h beat the shit out of me, I have 3dcs, 2 jobs and I'm doing a masters. I'm not full of self doubt and paranoia. I'm just busy. Please don't sneer.

[gemsangels123]

Thankyou all

[AnyFucker]

Somebody needs to do it then

[cozietoesie]

I'm not sure that the Rules that are in the OP there would constitute 'safety tips', AF. Maybe they have them in the body of the thread.

[Startingover2016]

I don't even give my number pre-date any more as so many guys get all over enthusiastic texting or what's apping day and night. It's ridiculous. When I get a good morning, how's you or sweet dreams text my heart sinks. They don't even know you!

I say upfront now, I don't have time to text all night long. Let's swap numbers after we have met.

This one, just bin him off op. Some of them do get possessive.

[AnyFucker]

Hissy, are there not at least some basic safety tips on there ?

[AnyFucker]

We don't know for sure if you have nothing to worry about, love.

It's more likely than not though that this particular inadequate will slink off back where he came from when he realises you have given him the bum's rush

Lesson learned

[Hissy]

Oh Christ no AF, not the dating thread! That's a bubbling cauldron of self doubt and paranoia!
The last place I'd recommend for safe dating advice tbh.

Common sense and Relationships is definitely the way to go!

gems you wanna sounding board? You can pm me if you like?

The faster they heat up, the faster they turn. Don't ever tolerate anything less than nice, happy, respectful normality. That means not machine gun texting, not demanding answers, not constantly monopolising your time, understanding you have a life and need to do other things sometimes.

[cozietoesie]

Don't feel sick. You'll manage to nip this one early so if you're firm enough, he should just move on somewhere.

[gemsangels123]

Yes, I will.
I have nothing to worry about now have I? He will hopefully just calm down. I won't chat about work etc anymore. I actually feel sick.

[RedMapleLeaf]

Naturally you chat about work

You don't give away personal details, you say, "good day at work and ready for the weekend".

[AnyFucker]

OK.

Lovey, maybe you should join the dating thread to get some tips on how to do this thing safely and without compromising yourself.

This went too far. The very first time he was remotely arsey about an unanswered message it should have been " so long, sucker ..."

[gemsangels123]

Of course! I was posting as I don't have anyone to chat to and this site has been great. Just feeling a little worried.

[AnyFucker]

So, have you told him coffee is off yet ?

[gemsangels123]

Thankyou hissy. I will ☺

[gemsangels123]

Ok wait.... please calm down.
I agreed because he seemed normal. I kept the texts brief because apparently that's the best way. I agreed to coffee in a public place because apparently this is the best way. New to dating, yes! I can say no. This has happened within an hour. Lovely to crazy. Hence my post on here.