what would your husband say?

[sammyjayneex]

So if guy slightly burnt the rice for tea by accident or some other type of food for tea, what would your husband say? My husband usually gives me a lecture on how useless I am and how I 'need to improve' ect ect and doesn't support me or make me feel better about my tiny mistake, just makes me feel worse

My husband wouldn't dream of telling me I need to improve - for anything. Because he isn't a twat.

If I burnt the rice or whatever he would probably eat it unless it was totally inedible in which case we'd either do some more or do come cous cous or go without. But he wouldn't criticise.

I once had a boss who told me I was "only" working at 98% and it wasn't good enough. She was a bully, so is your husband.

I made a cock-up last week that cost us nearly £400. I was a bit mortified but DH barely blinked. Not because we're so loaded we don't notice £400 but because, as he said, 'easy mistake to make' and he knows I'm knackered ATM.

I can't imagine burnt rice causing much upset in most houses.

My DH would laugh - I'm not known for my cookery skills - and ask if there was a substitute. Or more likely, tell me that it was my turn to go to the shop for sweeties.

Your husband sounds like a prick.

He would blame the stupid rice/pan/cooker and suggest we have chips instead.

He would never, ever even suggest that I am useless let alone lecture me about it.

If your husband is like this over a bit of burnt rice I can only imagine how he is when times are really tough and stressful?

Why do you put up with that?

He might take the piss, then run for cover, or say nothing, and get some more rice out to cook.

It really isn't an issue.

If he said anything to me like yours did. I fucking lose it with him.

Sorry but if that's how he treats you, he is an utter twat. Your partner shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself.

Sorry, I should clarify that my DH has never and would never call me useless. Or tell me I needed to improve. At the time the worst he really said was "why can't you pay attention! What are you thinking!" Not really a put down

My ex moaned once that I'd burnt the potatoes ( ew, what have you done to them, they're really bad - whilst shovelling them down his gullet ) so I took the plate off him, dumped the food in the bin and told him to cook his own fucking dinner if it was so awful. FWIW I thought they were slightly overdone but still nice so no need for ew.

Having a joke about it is one thing, telling you that you need to improve is just twattery, plain and simple. Unless he's paying you a chefs salary then he doesn't get to comment on standards. Eat what's put in front of you without complaint or cook for yourself - thems the rules.

My husband usually gives me a lecture on how useless I am and how I 'need to improve' ect ect and doesn't support me or make me feel better about my tiny mistake, just makes me feel worse

What do you say back to him OP?

My dh would eat it and tell me it is lovely. Or would laugh and clean the pot. Or just not notice at all most likely - just do his usual of thanking me for dinner and saying it was lovely - same as my kids do.

The last time it happened he ate the less burnt bits and filled up on bread, with no comment.
When I dropped his (unopened) bottle of malt all he said was never mind and gave me a hug because I was upset.

If your 'D'H doesn't react like my, and all the other posters, DH, then there is more going on than a general lack of cooking ability......but I think you know that.

My DH would tell me to forget it, make do with what was salvageable and make do with bread if nothing was. He would not be a twat about it.

Your H needs to wear his dinner a bit more often.

For the love of god Sammy.

Is this going to be the thread that finally makes you accept that your husband is a total arsehole?

You've posted about him loads and frankly this is pretty minor compared to the rest of the shit that selfish dick pulls.

I have had about 15 boyfriends / partners / husband over my years.
Not one them would ever have spoken to me like that.

How many times do you want us to tell you that it's OK to leave him? That's he a total arsehole? Is he still texting other girls and telling you that you're smelly and skanky and deserve to be cheated on by the way? I was so sad for you on that thread. Keep posting his shit, we'll keep telling you it's not normal and it's not right and maybe one day you'll accept what we say.

Please contact Woman's Aid.

If it wasn't too bad, he would eat it anyway. If it was completely inedible, he'd probably ask "would it work with pasta?" (faster to cook as we have brown rice that takes 25-30 mins) or "woooo! Nandos!"

He would never do what your husband did. That's horrible.

Your husband doesn't sound like a nice man, you sound worn down, there is much more going on than the odd burned dinner. If you want to talk about it, there are plenty here who will respond with sound advise or just a virtual listening ear.

IME (and I have a lot of experience at cooking badly), rice is really hard to totally fuck up- as PP said, even if you manage to adhere it to the bottom of the pan, it's rare that you can't salvage something from higher up- it's not like leaving the croissants in for a minute and a half too long, as I invariably do. So I suspect that the twattery of your husband is actually pretty boundless- the rice is maybe a touch overcooked for his liking, but perfectly edible nonetheless, and he's just looking for something to criticise you for.

Does he get at you over nothing at all in other areas of life as well, just out of interest?

advice - easy mistake, I am not useless and nobody but a dick would say I am.

Another one with a DH who'd say "it's fine" take one look at my face and say "Let's have a takeaway - put the pan in to soak and I'll give them a call".

My ex-H used to do what your DH does though...which is one reason he is now my ex...

He would giggle and help me, take over of comfort me depending on whether it bothered me

Sammy, your husband is a complete cunt

he is going to continue to wear you down until you actually stop asking these questions about what is normal in other people's relationships and just quietly accept the abuse

how many different people will it take to tell you that your relationship is abusive

Mine would eat it unless it was totally inedible. If it was totally inedible he would say "is there a back up" or be ridiculously excited that it was a good excuse for a takeaway. He would never be rude.

My dh would eat it and tell me it is lovely. Or would laugh and clean the pot. Or just not notice at all most likely - just do his usual of thanking me for dinner and saying it was lovely.

^this, I honestly can't imagine any other reaction - it's a complete non issue.

He'd probably tell me to sit down and either make more rice/ a different meal or order a take away. It wouldnt be a big deal.

By way of example about how trivial this is I'll share my worst fuck up.

We had just moved house and had to renovate and decorate extensively.

It's a 17th century cottage that's very long with Windows on both aspects, so in total we have an unbelievable 26 non-standard Windows.

After much agonising over decor I selected the window treatments for most of the downstairs - kitchen, drawing room, snug, dining room and study - 10 Windows in total.

Given it was supposed to be our "last" house I went mad and ordered stupidly expensive silk interlined curtains and blinds.
The order was placed with Laura Ashley and I checked and signed for all the measurements I had done 3x over to check and written down.

Total cost was over £5k (I won't divulge how much cos I'm too embarrassed).

When they arrived I was so excited. Then mortified.

The measurements were all right and yet all wrong. As I had read them out to the assistant I'd transposed width for depth. She wrote that on the order form and as I'd checked and signed it (carefully I thought) to make sure the measurements were right I'd totally missed they were in the wrong column on the order.

So I'd ended up with curtains that should be 2m long and 80cm wide looking like a pelmet.

I though LA were in the wrong then double checked the order and just fucking cried and cried. Rang DH expecting him to be furious but he just said "look we will sort it. They are just curtains - yes expensive curtains - but nobody died. Stop worrying about it and we can think about what our options are and can chat it through". I remember thinking bloody hell I know a love this guy but I'm not sure I'd be that calm in reverse!

So I can safely say burned rice is not a major issue in this house.

Nothing, I'd say - fuck I burnt the rice, feed the edible bot to the kids and do something else for us. He would feed the kids while I did something else.

Right at the minute he'd be really worried. It would be unusual for me to burn rice. At the minute it would mean that either I'd fallen asleep (due to pain I'm sleeping really badly) ; or I'd spasmed and wasn't able to move. And in both situations the phrase fuck the rice would be used. And it it was that bad we'd bicker on what takeaway to order.

If it was a normal time; the phrase silly moo (which in our house is a term of affection and always said with a smile) might be used and then again a bicker over what to order.

If he told me I needed to improve in the manner of your 'D'H one of us would be out the door and some pretty serious apologies would need to be made.

And not by me.

My DH would say "is there bread?" Whilst peering into the bread bin. And then if there was no alternative and a meal couldn't be salvaged from the burnt mess, would suggest takeaway and tell me it was my shout (with a grin ).

He'd never tell me I was useless.