Does this seem like a lot of hours per week for DH's hobby?

[hippospot]

Basically 1-1.5 hours every evening, and then at weekends 2-3 hours each day. So I suppose 9-11.5 hours a week.

At times I feel resentful but then feel terribly guilty for feeling that way.

For background, he's out of the house 11 hours a day Mon-Fri (work + commute) and I'm a SAHM.

He literally never has a day off from his hobby, not even on holiday (in fact he spends more time doing it).

The children are in bed by 9pm but then I go to bed at about 10.30pm because I have to be up pretty early. He's a night owl who needs less sleep so sometimes stays up later than me doing his hobby.

I wonder if the hobby might be an affair?

Does that count as a hobby ItsLikeRain?

We're all dying to know what the hobby is, but ultimately it doesn't matter. If his commitment to it is making your life harder, and if you've asked him to scale it back but he hasn't, then he's not listening to you and doesn't really care how his behaviour affects you.

I work on the basis that time not at work should be balanced equally between family/ couple/self.

Doesn't sound like his hobby is only taking up 1/3 of time not at work and so he and your family isn't properly balanced.

It's a musical instrument that he's been learning for the last two years.

He practices at home every day apart from 4 hours a week when he plays outside the home with others.

I pursue my own hobbies while the children are at school. I also do 100% of the household chores during that time, so that we have the weekends and evenings free ironically.

He is careful to limit himself to certain hours so that it doesn't impact on the family, which is why I wonder if I am being unreasonable finding it a bit much.

Left to his own devices I suspect he'd spend much more time practising. I haven't asked him to scale it back, because ultimately he's always at pains to explain how careful he is to limit it to an hour a day and a bit more on non-working days.

I admire his commitment to be honest as I've never been as passionate about any single thing. Unfortunately this is not an interest I share with him, and I know he is disappointed that the children and I don't show an interest or join in.

My first thought (clue in my username) is that this is equestrian-related. My "hobby" - actually it's a way of life, not a hobby - takes hours and hours each week. As it does with all those in my social circle who are also horse owners.

Dying to know what else might take up so much time though!

6.1% of available time to learn a musical instrument in a typical week is not unreasonable.

Start with "what is reasonable" for a hobby. If five hours a week is reasonable then are the other five hours, ie those incremental hours unreasonable enough that the whole hobby is unreasonable?

Horse riding if you own your own horse - easily 3 hours a day in winter, fives hours a day Saturday or Sunday. Less in summer.

Football - every other weekend could be an away day. Then he may play cricket in summer also.

Then there is surfing and windsurfing - when the wind and waves are up you just gotta go.

Or our friend who gets up at 11-12 every Saturday and Sunday morning and has no hobbies at all.

It's how it weaves into and around family life that matters.

What would you rather he be doing with that time?

6.1% of available time to learn a musical instrument in a typical week is not unreasonable

Why the hell would you work out a percentage based on the total hours in a week? It's about what time is devoted after work/family/chores etc, and whether both partners can sustain the same levels.

I'm guessing guitar and he's now in a band?

I can't see the problem- am I being thick?

An hour a day practice sounds about right if you're learning a musical instrument.

I think YABU especially as he normally does his practice when you are all in bed. What would you prefer him to be doing with that time?

If you're thick Bertrand then so am I?

Of I'm reading this right, he goes to work, comes home, when everyone else is in bed he plays a guitar for an hour before bed?

It's like? So?
I probably spend more time on Mumsnet everyday than that.

Well it would be a problem for us due to the lack of available hours DH has each weekday evening. After getting changed/dinner etc, that 1.5 hours would be more than half the hours available to him and us as a family on weekdays.

Mind you, if he were doing it when me and DD were in bed, it affects nobody.

Ha ha.....seeyou

Good point!

Because Joysmum every second counts.
The 6.1% was an approximation, and there will be standard deviations from time to time.

Blank canvas Joysmum

For me it would depend on when he's doing this. If it's an hour after OP goes to bed then so what, so long as OP doesn't value going to bed together (it's important to me that DH and I go to bed together most nights, otherwise our intimacy would suffer). If it's mainly after op is in bed and one evening a week plus a few hours at the weekend it could be ok.

If it's impacting on family life negatively or excessively then it's not ok. It could be one hour or 11, it doesn't matter.

Or 11% of available time.

So. The OP is a SAHM with children in school. Her dp is out of the house 11 hours a day.

And people are saying that he shouldn't have an hour a day to himself? Bloody hell.

Sometimes it might be 57 minutes and at other times it might be 74 minutes, though.

So he plays after you've gone to bed? I think you'd be hard pressed to complain about it if he'd be up anyway and you'd still be in bed.

If the DC are in school, you probably have about 4/5 hours free in the day to pursue your interests? Even with chores etc you could devote the same amount of time to a hobby.

If this is the case, YABU.

Equal disposable income and equal leisure time are two of the most important factors in a relationship, I feel.

I can't see the problem. OP has 6ish hours too herself a day too pursue her hobbies, which she said she does. DH works so needs to find some time for himself as well.