A typical evening with your OH

[All0vertheplace]

Bit of a broad question, and not necessarily easy to answer, but what does a typical evening look like for you and your OH? How much do you do together, how much separately? How much do you talk? Laugh? Kiss?

Dd in bed by 7, I'll eat my dinner and watch my tv shows whilst dh exercises in another room - when he's finished he comes to join me and eat his food and we usually watch a program or two together whilst occasionally checking our phones, chatting about our day.

I go to bed much earlier than him generally, about 10 - he works or reads and then comes to bed about midnight.

Been together 14 years and it works for us!

We've lived together 16yrs, married for 6. Both work ft, some evening work to do. First person home hoovers and empties dishwasher. Dh does day to day bits n bobs shop on way home, picks ds2 up from childcare. He cooks dinner while I do laundry stuff - hugs and kisses and chat over cup of tea. I do homework/reading with smallest and transport eldest to + from clubs/activities. Dh does most bedtime routine with smallest. When I get home with eldest we try to eat altogether but it doesn't always work. One of us will talk/read/hw with eldest while other does work needed for next day. Dh stacks dishwasher and makes tea or beer for him. We try and meet on the sofa 9pm, sometimes 9.30. He sits on floor sometimes for shoulder rub but more often he is next to me on sofa grumbling about texts or twitter on my phone but my legs are swung over him. Sometimes eldest joins us for half an hour tv til hubby starts to play fight him which signals bedtime and we get half an hour to ourselves. Either I fall asleep and get prodded to go to bed or weekdays I go upstairs 10ish. I hang laundry up, hubby makes tea and upstairs it's either R4 or newsnight/qt. Someimes kisses and cuddles... Weekends we eat dinner all together and I try and stay awake later for tv or music documentaries and more conversation which is humour, flirty, intimate. We laugh a lot but most functional conversations happen in the kitchen when he is cooking dinner or the mornings - helpful because I leave early :/ I get up, do breakfast, pack lunches etc and leave hubby to get everyone dressed and out on time with bags/kit etc. We have routines but they have evolved over time and mean we get to have our kissy moments and a cup of tea together. Disagreements (which inevitably happen from time to time) normally derive from the kitchen cooking dinner conversations but most of the time sofa date is still stuck to and the kettle goes on before bed, so everything's alright!

Go on net (me ipad, him kindle) watch TV/film/netflix/amazon, play wii u (him) read (me)

I go to the gym. I come home. We ignore each other... He will watch Netflix and I will read/work/study. We don't kiss, cuddle, touch or any of that. Go to bed whenever we feel and I will normally browse MN and he will play on his tablet.

On nights we are with each other........
Always eat together sat at table with no distractions so chat about our days etc
He collapses in front of tv usually with iPad
I wash up then join him, usually on iPad, or knitting/crochet, doing a jigsaw
Limited conversation maybe about tv programme or current affairs,
We sit opposite ends of sofa but will occasionally reach over to touch each other, eg stroke of hand, foot etc
Go to bed together, spoon or snuggle up, sex is almost never which I miss
We don't live together anymore, but have been in some kind of relationship with each other for best part of 28 years
At least we are still friends

DH comes home from work about 7 (having been at work for 11 hours at that point), we cook dinner together, eat it quickly, he gets back on his laptop and works until about 2am. I used to work in the evenings, but these days just read stuff. I resent DH's work always taking priority over everything - holidays, ever spending an evening together etc - but that's where he gets his self-worth and sense of achievement from, so I guess it's better he do that than see himself as being a timewaster like me.

Home at 5pm from fulltime work, wash breakfast dishes, cook tea, chat to DS about day, deal with correspondance, school letters, put washing on, take in washing, DH home at 7pm eats on own, on his phone and Ipad, I help with homework, pop to shops, health walk, whole family TV or not (football not for me), once a week DS to sport, DH bed at 8.30pm as up early 5.30 am for exercise. No chat, just "how was day?" but no real interest. Separate beds as DH wants undisturbed sleep as up early for exercise and our bed too soft.
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Tv, playing on phones, bed. Sex very rarely.

We cook together once kids are in bed at 8pm. Then we tidy and chat and watch the news at 10. We usually go to bed st 10.30ish and almost always have sex and fool around for 45 mins or so.

Not bad for 15 years and four kids.

TV in separate rooms, or both on devices, or me watching movies with kids/him watching sport or working, sometimes he'll cook for me, often sometimes we guzzle wine or vodka tonics, sometimes we watch a box set together, sometimes both read (though we've got out of the habit last few months which is a shame), sometimes discuss house stuff/kids arrangements before bed or early evening, sex every now and then! Generally it works and we're happy enough most of the time.

Oh laughing - quite a lot but also a fair bit of grumping
Affection - very little. That's me, not him. I'm not affectionate physically.

It's interesting that most people's evenings are very similar (i.e. not particularly engaged with each other) yet you get the impression for some people it's unhappy and for others it's perfectly happy.

Some of you really need to ditch the gadgets!

On a normal night just before dh gets home I make sure the house is tidy, ds is completely ready for bed and I have tidied myself up with fresh make up etc. when dh gets home he has about 15 mins with ds and I make him a G&T. I then put ds to bed which only take a few minutes while he changes and relaxes etc. We then make dinner together while listening to music. Dinner is always at the table enjoyed with a glass of wine while we chat about our day. Time always disappears and before we know if it is about 9:30/10 when we get ourselves ready for bed and watch tv snuggled up in bed.
Lots of hugs and kisses etc throughout. Occasionally we watch tv downstairs but always snugged up on the sofa together. We have been together 18 years.

Florin - How is Stepford these days? 'I make sure the house is tidy and I have tidied myself up with fresh make up... when dh get home I make him a G&T'. 'Dinner is always at the table enjoyed with a glass of wine while we chat about our day'

Do we 'really need' to ditch the devices if we are perfectly happy in our set ups?

Also we are all talking about typical evenings in this thread - my dh and I also have nights out, early morning walks, weekends away, car drives with old music blaring, we watch our daughters compete in their sport all over the country, sometimes internationally. We also both run, cycle and gym separately and occasionally together.

Some of these set-ups do make me quite sad.

What's the point in being in a relationship with someone you spend all evening ignoring?

DH work on iPad in evenings or cooks dinner if I've asked him or or am working late

I tend to come home, check kids are ok, cook or warm up dinner, kids clear and wash up, and make us a cuppa
Then it's an evening of footy for him, phone or laptop for me or watching telly together. I tend to phone a friend when he's watching footy
We talk throughout - about kids, our days etc
Content and happy - I could do with more going out in and do think about going to the gym but am normally too knackered and fall asleep on the sofa :(
Bed around 11ish

House renovations going on at the moment do so looking at stuff online etc and loads of taking every day about house plans

Hermione because it just isn't that easy to leave

It depends. We do sport some evenings separately, others we are both in together.

If no sport, we eat after six as a family, dcs clear up dinner, and Dh and I have coffee in living room. We might walk the dogs if it's nice, if not we'll just chat about our day possibly whilst looking at the news or I'll be doing a craft type hobby. If he's watching sport I do other hobbies. Once youngest is in bed we might watch an episode of drama, say 8-9 then I run a bath and we get to bed by 10ish to read. Plenty of laughs, snuggles and more.

I get home at 6.15, DH (self-employed) makes dinner and I sit and destress. I often hang around kitchen for chat/cuddles/ company. We eat & watch our episodes together and discuss these. I will clear away & do dishwasher. Then we watch a film and I go to bed at 9.30 ish? Cuddles & kisses etc. DH sometimes comes to bed about 11 or he will fold out sofa bed if he feels he will snore lots.

Weekends - wake up at 8 with some morning loving ;) I'll make DH a cuppa and we will potter around, listen to music and then go out for visits. I love talking to DH in the car and listening to music. We eat out quite often. I enjoy spending my time with DH, we are very loving (I like to think.)

Lemonade1 Stepford is lovely thank you. I don't tidy myself up for my husband I do it for myself, it makes me feel nice and marks the difference from going from charging around Mum to enjoying an adult evening. We believe talking is the key to a healthy relationship. It helps sort out issues before they become issues and means you understand each other and how life is going for the other one. It also means you can do stuff to try and help. If I know dh's team have got a rotten day coming up I might send in cakes to cheer them up or make sure I have got him a really nice bottle wine for the evening or his favourite meal in. If he knows I have had a crappy day he will go to a shop near his work which sells my favourite snack which you can only get there as he knows how much I love it or picks me up little presents if he sees something that he knows I will like. We also find that good deeds breed good deeds in return, however we have friends who have the opposite. One pisses the other one off so the other one does something to piss them off back.
We adore each other's company so try to spend as much quality time together as possible.

Together 8 years.

H gets in from work and eats (I've usually eaten with kids. If not we eat together later on). We do bed and bath time with the kids together. Spend some time, him in his chair, me on the sofa, watching to and I work on my laptop. Often one of us will have a bath and the other will stay downstairs. If we fancy being frisky we go to bed together if not he usually stays up after me. When we're cooking, getting up to go to loo, walking past each other we stop to kiss.

I get in at 6:30pm. We will make food together and chat about the day. We'll clear up together too, as will DCs if they are about.
Then we will either watch some TV together (Masterchef etc) or read or MN etc and generally chat. One of us will take the dog for a short walk (usually me because I like doing it) at some point. I might have a long bath.
Usually I do an evening class one night a week but not this year.
I'm in bed at 10 reading as I have to be up at 5:30am.DH will generally watch something like GOT with DS until 11 then come up.
We both have a midweek day off and recently we've co-ordinated this and spend the day doing something nice like taking the dog to the beach or somewhere for a long walk and going for coffee.

Hermione what DH does (working up to 17 hours a day) is pretty normal for a job in academia these days. We couldn't sustain both of us doing it, though it was perhaps a more balanced relationship when we were trying to. Now I feel a bit lost and DH feels the pressure to work and get a promotion every year (only one level to go, thank god). But other than the hideous work imbalance the relationship is fine. And I'm not sure I'd know what to talk about with someone who expected to spend the evening chatting...

The DCs are older teenagers and me and DH have been together nearly 6 years. We either chill and chat and laugh (a lot) with a few beers in the kitchen and play music, usually a couple of DCs will come in and we'll take turns bluetoothing songs - great sound system! Or we'll curl up and watch a film, always holding hands (sorry!) but laptops/tablets and phones are banned then.

I read a poem once that said even if you do uproot yourself, change everything, find a new home/partner..... you'll just be in the same situation in a few years time, bored in front of the telly. Best to stick where you are IMO. It may get less dull after kids get to teenagehood and become capable of real conversation (and adults are awake enough to have a real conversation too).