Women's Aid - the clue is in the title. Yes they are the experts on domestic abuse but they Aid Women. You need aid!
But I'd also be very surprised indeed if you are not being abused - newsflash: you don't have to be hit to be a victim of domestic abuse. Re Coercive Control
Understanding controlling or coercive behaviour
10. Controlling or coercive behaviour does not relate to a single incident, it is a purposeful pattern of behaviour which takes place over time in order for one individual to exert power, control or coercion over another.
11. This new offence focuses responsibility and accountability on the perpetrator who has chosen to carry out these behaviours.
12. The cross-Government definition of domestic violence and abuse1
outlines controlling or coercive behaviour as follows:
Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.
Coercive behaviour is: a continuing act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats,
humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.”2
“Not only is coercive control the most common context in which [women]
are abused, it is also the most dangerous” Evan Stark (2007) Coercive Control. How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. New York:
Types of behaviour
The types of behaviour associated with coercion or control may or may not
constitute a criminal offence in their own right. It is important to remember that
the presence of controlling or coercive behaviour does not mean that no other
offence has been committed or cannot be charged. However, the perpetrator
may limit space for action and exhibit a story of ownership and entitlement
over the victim. Such behaviours might include:
isolating a person from their friends and family;
depriving them of their basic needs;
monitoring their time;
monitoring a person via online communication tools or using spyware;
taking control over aspects of their everyday life, such as where they
can go, who they can see, what to wear and when they can sleep;
depriving them of access to support services, such as specialist
support or medical services;
repeatedly putting them down such as telling them they are worthless;
enforcing rules and activity which humiliate, degrade or dehumanise
the victim;
forcing the victim to take part in criminal activity such as shoplifting,
neglect or abuse of children to encourage self-blame and prevent
disclosure to authorities;
financial abuse including control of finances, such as only allowing a
person a punitive allowance;
threats to hurt or kill;
threats to a child;
threats to reveal or publish private information (e.g. threatening to ‘out’
someone).
assault;
criminal damage (such as destruction of household goods);
rape;
preventing a person from having access to transport or from working.
Oxford University Press.
This is not an exhaustive list