She's trying to hook you for her own reasons.
If she were someone with a healthy view of life, relationships and being a responsible parent, she'd NOT be planning out your future, and worse the future of your collective children.
No decent parent would subject their child to a stranger, but this is what she's doing.
She's hoovering you in, to get you where SHE wants you. Bugger what YOU want, she knows better. You just need to be convinced.
You are not being paranoid, you are seeing great big similarities for a reason.
Why would someone who has never met you plan out a future with you? You could be literally anyone. Why would you agree to this? You'd be mad to go along with this, even if you were looking for a relationship.
Would you WANT to be involved that takes her dc safety so lightly? You may be drop dead gorgeous and utterly fabulous of course, after all you're a mumsnetters, we're all fabulous, but she CAN'T possibly know this you have never met her.. She's never met you.
Remember that what you've known is manipulative and controlling. These are the triggers you will respond to. You do need to keep women at arms length from you and your children until you know you can handle the situation. This means you know that if something is not right, you end it. You don't involve kids until you're sure.
This recognition of what your instincts are telling you is a start. The next step is to act to do what needs to be done, and say no, this is not for me, it's not going to go any further.
Then start again looking for someone else.
I have a sneaking suspicion I'm in a similar situation, Or at risk of falling into something more quickly than I want. I'm detaching and laying down boundaries, we shall see what the reaction is this weekend, and I'll make a decision. My gut is that it's a situation that's going to need to be ended. Again.