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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just joined POF am I bonkers?

76 replies

gemsangels123 · 27/04/2016 20:15

Been on there before...very naive at the time. It was definitely an eye opener. Promised myself never again but.....I'm feeling I need to get back out there and can't afford match.
It's got such a reputation. Anyone got anything good to say? Interested in good and bad stories. Need to prepare myself it's a tough old world out there for us singletons.....

OP posts:

GinaBambino · 29/04/2016 13:48

Haven't RTFT yet but just wanted to add that I'm another positive POFer here. Met DP on there after my divorce 3 years ago. Just bought a house and due our first DS in 6 weeks. There are weirdos, boy did I meet a few, but I had some genuinely nice dates too. Good luck!

Salene · 29/04/2016 13:51

I met my husband on POF

GemmaB78 · 29/04/2016 13:55

Another successful POFer here. Met my fiance 2 1/2 years ago. We now have an 8 month old boy. Everyone else has offered excellent advice so I won't repeat what they have suggested.

Original poster

gemsangels123 · 29/04/2016 15:25

Wow! POF really does have a bad name I'm guessing because we usually hear the bad stories. Really pleased it has worked for you guys. Reading this has completely lifted my mood. Super lonely....to now having hope, thankyou 😊 I will keep reading if anyone has anymore stories .....

OP posts:

Original poster

gemsangels123 · 29/04/2016 20:16

I am in need of some advice pretty please. OK I have joined and had a message from someone. Nice messages then he asks to meet for a drink. I give him my number and he has text to arrange. Now....this is in 2 days. I'm thinking this is ok going by advice off you lovely ladies. I'm just wondering if it's normal as he hasn't asked me much ie my job etc. I just don't know how much we are supposed to ask. Not too much? Not to little?

OP posts:

JustMeAndHim · 29/04/2016 20:56

The people that I did meet (there weren't many!) I did message for a while before meeting. I probably wouldn't have met someone after a few days. That being said its what you are comfortable with. Do you have someone you can tell who you are meeting and where you are going? I would say it's better to always go somewhere public.

Personally I liked to meet people after trying to get to know them a bit better to ensure (as best I could) that they weren't weird!

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 29/04/2016 21:11

It's all a case of sorting the chaff from the wheat. Some decent sorts and some time wasters and weirdos.
It's worth meeting any decent sounding prospective people in a safe place for a brief meet up and seeing what happens.
Not everyone on POF is dodgy.
I think I was unlucky. I might consider giving it another try.
Don't obsess though , It isn't a guaranteed thing that you will meet someone special.

HuskyLover1 · 29/04/2016 21:29

Hey Gems. I met my Husband on POF. We've been together 8 years now. He is the best guy ever! He's tall, dark, very handsome, kind, a police officer....one of the best! There are great guys out there. Go for it! Just look out for the ones that don't seem keen to meet up (I think they are married and just after flirting).

HuskyLover1 · 29/04/2016 21:31

Oh just read your last post - he wants to meet - very very good sign!

Lolimax · 29/04/2016 21:38

Not POF but met my lovely DH on Uniform Dating. Lots on there in the Parachute Club but isn't that always the same?

Original poster

gemsangels123 · 29/04/2016 21:45

Hello thanks for your advice. It's all very comforting.
A police officer on POF who would of thought (I have a slight obsession with a man in blue..well black now isn't it?)
Thankyou all for your advice....
I have arranged next Friday. I'm not going to over text. I will meet somewhere public and definitely let someone know for sure

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Poppiesway · 29/04/2016 21:51

I met a policeman on there.. I googled him and he turned out to be a superintendent! And married.. Although they were in process of splitting up he said..
Although I don't think his wife knew they were splitting up though! I only saw him a few times till I twigged he was a dick.
Also found out afterwards when I quizzed 2 of my friends who are police officers at same station and they informed he had a reputation for fun outside of his marriage..
I've not known of anyone who's met a decent single man on POF.

Original poster

gemsangels123 · 29/04/2016 22:10

😕 not a good story....

OP posts:

ComingtoKent · 29/04/2016 22:47

Another one here - I met my partner on POF seven years ago. He was my eighth or ninth date. I definitely agree with meeting up sooner rather than later - you know very quickly whether you're interested in seeing them again. If you can approach it lightheartedly as a bit of an adventure it can be quite fun. Good luck!

Original poster

gemsangels123 · 30/04/2016 09:01

Thankyou
That is definitely my plan! I have joined Tinder too. Just getting used to that one though.....

OP posts:

314pDream · 01/05/2016 20:54

He's gone for a smoke. Hmm. 175cm my ass. But still it's platonic so why do I care. He's ok. One more drink.

northernshepherdess · 02/05/2016 06:20

Met my fella on there 10 year ago.
Seemed perfect even in person.
Turned out he was an addict and just very good at hiding his real personality.
In the process of throwing this one back.

Cloudstasteofmash · 02/05/2016 06:25

The decent blokes are few and far between on there.

My BIL & most of his army mates lurks on there. He should come with a health warning. Seriously.

My friend met her BF on there. He was a serious drug addict an violent towards himself and her.

Most fellas on there are just looking for a quick screw.

I'd pay to go on a site and least if filters out some of the assholes a tiny bit.

allnewredfairy · 02/05/2016 08:28

Went to a POF wedding this Saturday just gone. Bride and groom met on POF five year ago. I met my husband on another site. My advice is to trust your gut instinct, no second chances, get on a date asap rather than spend weeks romantacizing via text to find out they're not all that. Make sure their stories check out and meet their friends and family. Decent blokes wont lie or be reticent about letting you into their lives. Oh, and don't lie yourself...make it clear what you're looking for. Don't say nothing heavy if ultimately you'd someone special to settle down with. There are men out their who want a long term partner and will welcome children as part of that.
That aside do expect your share of nutters and willy pics.
Good Luck OP!

HuskyLover1 · 02/05/2016 08:34

Bin any man who sends you nude / semi nude pics, or asks you for nude pics.

Men that aren't keen to meet up asap, are generally married.

HariboFrenzy · 02/05/2016 08:37

Met my DH on POF in 2011. Married in 2014 and now have an 11mo 😊

Original poster

gemsangels123 · 02/05/2016 08:59

Hello, and thankyou...
Oh no a few not so nice stories. I'm sorry to hear... a few nice and congrats...
I have been chatting to a few guys. One is in Afghanistan until June and asked if this was a problem. It said on his profile he was coming home and looking to meet new people. That's why I replied. He takes forever to answer though although he is online. I know it's a dating site so must be prepared for this. Another is lovely but he doesn't have kids 😕 which is ok but I do and I don't want anymore. Am I analysing too much? I'm trying to be picky from the get go. Not waste theirs or my time.
I have tried to keep it brief but now I have agreed to 3 dates because I didn't want to drag out the texting like advised. I feel I have taken on too much now.

OP posts:

Eeyore86 · 02/05/2016 09:13

Another positive story from me, met my DP on POF last April, roll on a year and we're now living together, have lots of future plans booked and very happy, it can happen!
Before I met DP I did have another couple of relationships with guys from the site lasting about 6-8 months each both lovely men but the relationships did fizzle out. I did try match and eharmony at various points however they weren't that different from the people on POF!

I always thought of POF as being like a meat market, my rules are ignore anyone that asked for sexual pictures/did sexual chat (though one guy wasn't overly impressed when he asked for a picture of my pussy so I sent him a photo of a cat...I had spoken to him for a couple of days by that point), if people's profiles didn't fit with what I wanted I didn't message back and due to my job I didn't give my full name out either

with regards to texting, DP and I messaged and then later texted for about 3 weeks in total before meeting as he was going to France for a week.
If I had three dates lined up is do them in order of preference if you can if not enjoy coffee/meal whatever and see how you feel afterwards, I did have a couple of dates with other people they were nice but no spark, you never know until you meet someone, good luck!

donajimena · 02/05/2016 09:15

I met my partner on OKcupid so thats another one worth trying. It really has been the best year of my life.

penguinfan · 02/05/2016 09:16

I met my DP on pof nearly 3 years ago. I'd been single for 11 years and it was just me, my DS (14 at the time) and the cat. My friends put me on for a laugh. I had nothing but bad experiences for the first 4 weeks. Men just wanting a quick hook up, they're easy to spot as they want to meet up RIGHT NOW and send dick pics. Then the men you get on with, text for a bit and get your hopes up and then they ask for nude pics! I was giving up hope when my DP sent me a message on the very morning I was about to delete my account and go and buy more cats. It was a lovely message that melted my heart and I still have a screenshot of it. My started messaging, then texting and then he rang me that day. We talked for hours, arranged to meet a couple of days later and that was that. He was on the verge of giving up too after getting no responses and had changed his distance to 20 miles and I was the first profile that popped up. He said he knew I was the one after reading my profile. He lived 30 miles away but moved nearer to me after 2 months and then when his contract ended on his flat after 6 months, he moved in with us. My DS and DP get on great and he has changed our lives so much. I've never been happier. Good luck op, your mr Right is out there xx

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