Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

just want to rant.

53 replies

Ahappynewmummy · 27/04/2016 17:22

"D"P just got back from work and first thing he did was walk past me and said I'm going to stay upstairs. I understand he does 11 hour days (not all working this also includes traveling) but to come back and not hug me or kiss me hello just I'm going to stay upstairs. then because I didn't tidy upstairs he went great 11 hours of housework you've done here. does he actually think I can do that much housework also look after a teething baby go out and do my things and prepare and start tea. I'm. other being nasty but if my son is crying cause he's in pain with his gums he comes first over housework. also we're going out on Sat (I organised it all) and I do understand its his only day off and he doesn't have to take us but he went who's going to pay for my petrol I said me even though your company is paying for your petrol this week and you'll have some left over, then he went who's paying for me food and I went me then he went good cause I ain't. I'm like you pig. I also mentioned how I like he's spending time with me so his response was nothing stopped you coming to my work for these 11 hours to see me if you're that bothered about spending time with me. thing is I don't drive and it takes 3 hours to get there an public transport.

I don't want to hear LTB cause he's had a bad day at work and brought it home. he's moved jobs for me and our son so that's why I'm paying for our day out as a thank you but he's just pushed some of my buttons with how I feel neglectful today.

OP posts:
BoatyMcBoat · 28/04/2016 00:01

I think you do 11 hours of childcare (and the rest), so when he does 11 hours at work + 11 hours of housework, then you can do 11 hours childcare + 11 hours of housework.

Or would he prefer to pay for 11 hours putting your child in a nursery, while you do 11 hours of housework?

He's being a twat. Ignore him or dump him.

Original poster
Ahappynewmummy · 28/04/2016 03:15

I think he realised what he done after it all as he cuddled me after a fee hours of me staying out of his way. I went to him don't eat then just starve not my problem you're ungrateful. I also said I know what it's like doing these hours as before we moved in together I was traveling 3 - 4 hours of traveling for my day then done 9 hours of work while I was heavily pregnant. that shut him up too.

ffs while I was pregnant and in my job I was threatened at knife point stressing me out, thinking the worst and he moans he has to drive. I'd drive any day to be in a safer job.

OP posts:
KittyWindbag · 28/04/2016 04:22

You said you don't want to hear 'leave the bastard' so what do you want to hear? You're making excuses for his unkind behaviour.

SeafrontDreams · 28/04/2016 05:09

OP, you said "don't get me wrong I nag a lot and I'm not as smart as him so my conversation are just basic so I get boring and I can't snap at a click of a finger so I'm not the best to live with. I'll praise him for putting up with me".

Is it your DP telling you that? Please don't put yourself down, I'm sure that it's not true. When someone says negative things about you all the time, you start to believe them.

Original poster
Ahappynewmummy · 28/04/2016 06:11

he's said I nag (which I do) but he's never told me I'm not smart I know that myself. I'm very ditsy

OP posts:
Original poster
Ahappynewmummy · 28/04/2016 06:37

he's just gone to work I better start doing my 11 hours of house work hadn't I Grin

OP posts:
MarthaCliffYouCunt · 28/04/2016 08:51

Its really not funny. Its depressing.

Summerlovinf · 28/04/2016 08:59

Your DH sounds like an entitled pig and a bully. You don't have to put up with that kind of treatment. You don't want to hear LTB but you know it's the most sensible option.

Fishface77 · 28/04/2016 09:50

He's a lot of a cunt (not a bit of one)!
Life's too short to deal with people who think their nearest and dearest are their personal emotional footballs to kick around whenever they feel. Fuck that, your worth more than that surely!

Original poster
Ahappynewmummy · 28/04/2016 09:51

I'm just trying to uplift it that's all. when we woke up he kept cuddling me (didn't say sorry never does) that's how I know he feels bad. he knew he stepped a line cause I retaliated back last night and I never normally do.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/04/2016 09:53

he's said I nag (which I do)

Translation: you ask him to do something. He says ok. The next hour/day/week it's still not done so you ask again. The next hour/day/week it's still not done so you ask again - sharply. Repeat.

Therefore you nag.

Original poster
Ahappynewmummy · 28/04/2016 09:53

Yeah I deserve better than being a verbal punching bag and I shouldn't take it which I didn't last night. I lashed back at him and told him a few home truths that's why he's stepping on egg shells with me this morning so I don't verbally lash out again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ahappynewmummy · 28/04/2016 09:54

yes that and also when I moan about mil to him (that's another story) he thinks I go on too much about it.

OP posts:
MarthaCliffYouCunt · 28/04/2016 09:55

Nah youre just trying to bury your head in the sand and pretend it isnt as bad as it is.

(Didn't say sorry, never does) thats how i know he feels bad

Do you know it isnt actually good enough for him just to feel bad for being a shithead. He has to actually apologise and tell you what he is going to do to prevent that happening again. But he doesnt have to because you're over the moon about 'a cuddle' Hmm seriously, set your bar higher. This one would never jump over mine.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 28/04/2016 09:57

Btw, what you accept in a relationship is what your child will learn. Do you want your daughter to accept the treatment you put up with? Do you want your son to treat women like this shit does?

Original poster
Ahappynewmummy · 28/04/2016 10:06

I must have gotten so use to it and finally realised how bad he can be. I'm not trying to bury my head in the sand cause normally I wouldn't snap back at him. I told him I don't appreciate him coming home and talking to his work all night. I told him I'm not taking it no more. I get up in the morning with him so we can have breakfast together so I make the start of his day better. I prep his tea ready for when he comes back just to make his day better. so when he comes back with his head in his arse (apparently that wasn't true, we know it is) I don't appreciate him. so I snap back I list everything to him. I clean the house, prep tea, do the shopping, take our son to hospital appointments, I'm going to hospital appointments due to a bad birth. once I list all that out he put his tail between his leg I went downstairs and said talk to me when you're ready. then low and behold he comes downstairs and talks to me properly

OP posts:
Original poster
Ahappynewmummy · 28/04/2016 10:11

I agree martha I don't want my son to think he can treat women like that and if I ever have a daughter I don't want her to feel like she can't talk in a relationship.

how he talks and treats me isn't great, I can defend him or tell you how he is but it's only my side of the story. I think I'm not that bad but I could be totally wrong. (I sound like I'm defending him again -.-)

OP posts:
MarthaCliffYouCunt · 28/04/2016 10:11

So what was decided then?

Original poster
Ahappynewmummy · 28/04/2016 10:17

he went he needs to stop bringing the stress back here, luckily (don't know for who) he's not doing his training after Friday so he won't be traveling for 3 hours a day only an hour, he's fully a manager so he can spread out his work load. once he's back at his own store it'll all settle (only time will tell).

back to when I was asked why my rl friends won't understand, my one close friend has her head in the clouds and thinks only about her partner even though it's not great, and my other close friend listens but she's not had a relationship ever before so she can't help with that side of it all just can calm me down

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 28/04/2016 10:37

Bloody hell your bar is set low.
He can behave like a total arshole to you, but a cuddle shuts you up?!! Shock

You know that as a store manager he would even be in his job if he couldn't control his "stress" (a couple of hours of me-time in the car for a short training period only - I'm not seeing the stress there)? You reckon he gets away with being a shit to his employees too? No - he chooses to be a nasty shit to you, it's not "stress".

Please - don't let him get away with it because a cuddle makes you thinks oh well he loves me really.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/04/2016 10:42

What did you yourself learn about relationships when growing up, what sort of an example did your parents show you?.

Your relationship bar needs to be raised a hell of a lot higher because you are really being bought off with a cuddle from him. This is a frankly awful example of a relationship to be showing your child.

Original poster
Ahappynewmummy · 28/04/2016 10:48

I know I need to set my bar a lot higher, I need a kick up the backside to get me there.

my mum and dad wasn't the best example growing up. don't get me wrong when it came to me and my other siblings they would drop everything but when it came to each other my dad was the dominant one, everything had to go through him and if it didn't we'd hear about it

OP posts:
MarthaCliffYouCunt · 28/04/2016 10:50

Oh well there you go. Youre repeating your parents' relationship. Fastforward 20 years and your DD will be on a thread like this being treated like shite because thats the example you set her. Break the cycle. You deserve respect, your daughter deserves to see respectful relationships in her own home.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 28/04/2016 10:51

Sorry, you have a son, not a daughter. Still valid though. He deserves to see respectful relationships. He will repeat what he sees.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/04/2016 10:55

That is why I asked you about your parents relationship, between them they set you all a very poor example. You are now showing your son a poor example of a relationship yourself because your man does not value you or any contribution you make. All this man cares about is him ultimately, he just wants a woman to look after him.

You have a choice re this man, your child does not.

Swipe left for the next trending thread