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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

75 replies

Tazlet · 26/04/2016 13:00

Ok, so I need a reality check from you guys to see if I am a hormonal nightmare or actually have a point...

Me and my BH fell pregnant very quickly after we got together (2 months), it was not planned but we were happy about it. I get on very well with his family which is cool. I also have a good relationship with his 2 young sons.

His parents have asked us to go away with them (they go to the same place each year and generally take BH and his kids). We talked about it and despite the fact I will be 8 months preggers and it will be boiling I agreed we should go. He said he'd look into dates with them. I send him a message just to confirm that we wouldn't be in a family room and the boys would have their own room (they wake up and are very loud (as little boys can be) at about 6am each morning and it turns out not only have they booked 2 rooms (interconnecting with his parents - meaning the boys are in the same room as us to sleep and his parents are in connecting room next door) and all the flights. I feel awful and like the bad guy by being upset over this. I know I'm going to big, hot and emotional so don't think its too selfish to want the boys in a separate room so that I can sleep and also have some privacy. I don't mind so much about his parents being next door but I have only met them a handful of times.. I 've also not booked the time off work or even discussed it with my manager or even looked into if anyone can look after my animals.

We've also had some pregnancy issues in the last week so I'm already stressed beyond belief and now feel like this horrible nasty person on top.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tazlet · 26/04/2016 14:06

oh lord I hadn't really though about the fact he might come early... I really am feeling utterly useless now!

The boys are 4 and 6 - whenever I've been away before I've always booked them a separate room and when they yell (often before 6am) their Dad goes in and plays with them.

I just thought that I would be able to enjoy a rest and not have them screaming in my ear at 5/6am... I guess I have a lot to learn

OP posts:
Hillfarmer · 26/04/2016 14:07

How would you feel if your partner and his dcs went without you? You could have a bit of a rest at home, that's if you're not working by then.

I wouldn't want to fly at 36 weeks... imagine just trying to get in your seat!

ButtonsAndBows · 26/04/2016 14:09

Oh well it's booked now so try and look at the positives - joined rooms means you can sift the kids off into grandmas room and roll over and go back to sleep Smile
I know how you feel, I had to share a room with my inlaws on the last night I was in India (we were at a Sikh temple and family's often stay together) but I sulked ALOT. Sometimes you gotta suck it up for the greater good I guess. Maybe ask nicely if bookings can be amended and just say "oh I know I sound like I'm moaning but at 30 odd weeks I really need some peace... If you don't mind etc etc" maybe they just didn't think it out properly but also bear in mind more rooms sometimes means a big price hike so maybe it's a cost issue too?
Anyway you may as well just enjoy yourself now and like other said get the best insurance that money can buy.

Original poster
Tazlet · 26/04/2016 14:14

He has suggested that but I will admit to being a bit angry at that point - he b*ggers off on holiday leaving me at home heavily pregnant.

Re seat - I had thought of that so was going to suggest that we don't fly a budget airline but I don't have that option any more either....

OP posts:
Genx77 · 26/04/2016 14:16

Well then now I know the boys are 4 and 6 I think yabu, do you really think its ok to leave two children in a hotel room away from their father so that you can have some rest?!
You got with this man, got pregnant by him knowing full well he had 2 other children and now you're moaning because you've got to share a room with them and they wake up calling for daddy at 6am. Hold tight, the next few months are going to be the steepest learning curve of your life.....

Somerville · 26/04/2016 14:17

You need to ask your insurance company to cover the baby, as well as yourself. It will increase your premium. You also need to check coverage levels and what and what is not covered and disclose any medical issues that may rise between now and then.

Also if the trip is to an EU country you'll need an EHIC card as well as insurance. Apply now. It's free.

Check with the airline about what they'll need to see to let you fly at that stage. Generally its a doctors letter. Check with your GP that they're happy to write the letter. (I had to find a private GP to write a note to let me fly on a shorthaul work trip at 31 weeks once. My own GP didn't want to let me as I'd had 2 babies previously at 35/36 weeks.)

And make sure you agree some boundaries before you go. Boyfriend has to get up with the boys and take them straight down to breakfast so you can sleep on. That kind of thing.

Take your blue notes with you.

Finally, buy some books on pregnancy, birth and newborns for your boyfriend. And (kindly meant, I promise) read them yourself as well. Flowers

Poppledopple · 26/04/2016 14:19

Just book another room and put GPs in it - the you and the boys have the interconnecting rooms.

YANBU to want children in a separate room - but it has to be interconnecting in a hotel for security reasons.

I also would not fly that late in pregnancy - how long is the fight and would you be happy giving birth in the local hospital of the resort? - actually how far is that from the hotel?

TheCrumpettyTree · 26/04/2016 14:20

To be honest it would have been better to postpone. Can you not do this?

Does your insurance cover you for the investigations and potential results you're having?

Genx77 · 26/04/2016 14:23

You will have to declare the pregnancy complications to your insurer too. I had 2 serious bleeds during my first pregnancy and couldn't get travel insurance for love nor money, ended up having to cancel and losing the deposit.

Original poster
Tazlet · 26/04/2016 14:24

what is yabu Genx? Again stupid first time mum here with zero experience - which I guess is showing here! I don't see an issue with the adjoining rooms? It's the same as when we have gone away before? They won't be away from him at all.

I may bulk order some books now - I have a huge amount to learn!!

OP posts:
TheArtistFormerlyKnownAs · 26/04/2016 14:25

OP you are not being unreasonable. When your baby comes you will have to get up early, at least for a little while, which is all the more reason you should relax while you can! And frankly, even if I were in that situation with my own 2 kids, having all of us in one room while heavily pregnant let alone interconnected with the in-laws would not be my idea of a holiday.

I do think the kids sound a bit young to be in a hotel room alone, though, even an adjoining one. Is it possible to book a suite? I would suggest this, and of course offer to pay the difference in cost.

Don't let the other posters freak you out. Yes, good insurance is a must, and of course anything can happen, but the chances your baby will come before the end of 36 weeks, with no prior warning, are very slim. Also, my toddlers sleep until 7:30 or 8 am most days.

TheCrumpettyTree · 26/04/2016 14:25

YABU is you are being unreasonable.

LemonBreeland · 26/04/2016 14:25

Not a chance I would fly at that stage either. I can not imagine it being remotely enjoyable to be on holiday at that stage. Especially with young children.

Blackheart2016 · 26/04/2016 14:27

You know if you go on holiday with young children, it's not a rest don't you?

Blackheart2016 · 26/04/2016 14:30

My dc are early risers 5-6am even now they are older but on holiday with the heat and the light and in new surroundings they barely sleep. Sorry but just trying to be realistic if you are looking at the holiday as a chance to chill out before baby arrives.

Chlobee87 · 26/04/2016 14:31

This is a really odd situation. I can't believe that none of the people who are already parents (your OH and his parents) seem to be giving any consideration to the fact that you will be heavily pregnant.

Like you, I am currently expecting my first baby. I'm 34 weeks at the moment and can honestly tell you that I would rather stick pins in my eyes than fly abroad and spend a week in the heat. I am not sleeping, my legs are swollen, I have crippling PGP and am just generally fed up at this point. Some women breeze through pregnancy and could hike up a mountain at 40 weeks, but you have no way of knowing which camp you'll be in. It can also take it's toll on you quite suddenly - I was fine until about a month ago.

Obviously your OH loves his children and wants to spend time with them, but for just a little while around the birth of this new baby, I don't think it's unreasonable for you and the baby to be his priority. That doesn't mean sidelining his boys. It just means that maybe they can live without a holiday this time. He absolutely should not be going without you. What if you have the baby whole he's away? His main focus at that time should be supporting you and the baby. He needs a reality check.

Chlobee87 · 26/04/2016 14:32

while he's away

TheCrumpettyTree · 26/04/2016 14:36

Doesn't the GP have to sign you off as fit to fly? They might not.

emsyj · 26/04/2016 14:41

I would be delighted if my DH went on holiday with the kids (3 and 6) and left me home alone!!!!!! Grin

Poppledopple · 26/04/2016 14:43

Was the holiday booked by the GPs for their son and GC before they knew you were pregnant/on the scene?

A lot of family accommodation in hotels (ie interconnecting rooms) is booked a a long time ahead for the school holidays. So the set up you describe would be perfect for your BH if he was holiday with just his DP and his children alone -- he could pop them into the GP first thing in the morning and share the early mornings?

But adding a heavily pregnant woman to this arrangement will not work for any of you. I doubt the GPs booked an interconnecting room knowing that their DS and new heavily pregnant would be in there v v odd indeed.

Hope that your tests are fine...good luck.

KatharinaRosalie · 26/04/2016 14:46

I don't have the UK numbers but I remember reading that in the US, out of all births, 8% are between 34 and 36 weeks. So while not common, but not exactly unheard of.

Original poster
Tazlet · 26/04/2016 14:48

literally it all happened yesterday - in the morning BH told me school holiday dates and I said we'd have to go the very next day and he said he'd look at the dates. I sent him a message later on that day just to confirm we would be doing as we normally did and have a room for us and one for the boys or better an apartment - I offered to pay the extra. But was then told that it had all been booked - hotel and flights.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tazlet · 26/04/2016 14:50

@emsyj - you made me spit my tea out - too funny - no doubt I will be saying the same once Alex is born!

OP posts:
emsyj · 26/04/2016 14:53

Honestly, a choice between a holiday with kids of that age or a week home alone with a bit of peace, it's a no-brainer.

TheCrumpettyTree · 26/04/2016 15:09

You both seem naive, especially your partner as he's got two DC already. Did he not think you couldn't fly at that stage? I've been heavily pregnant in summer here and it was hard bloody work, I can't imagine being abroad.

Have you seriously thought about the possibility that you may not be able to go? You may not be allowed! And also, if something was to happen where would you give birth? Have you any idea the standard of some hospitals abroad? How would you get back? What if your baby is prem?

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