How do I convince DH I want to look nice and don't feel nice when un-groomed

[TigerPath]

He says my Babyliss Big Hair hot-brush will damage my hair. He likes it better natural but I feel horrible when it's frizzy and messy.

I like to shower daily but he says this is bad for my skin. He complains I smell of soap, washing powder and deodorant...but I like to feel and smell clean.

I also feel better wearing light make-up, with manicured nails, but he can't understand why!

We have a 9-month-old so personal time is limited and he feels I waste time showering/doing my hair. Yet it really affects my mood!

Either there's two of you OP, or you posted an almost identical thread to this a week or so ago...?

Did she come back to that one?

My grooming regime is nothing to do with my husband, and his is nothing to do with me. We wouldn't comment on it, it's a non-issue how each of us styles and cleans ourselves (unless one person was very unclean).

This is horrible undermining behaviour which has you questioning your normal everyday actions.

The question has to be: why would someone want to undermine and make you feel little and question your own judgement?

Is this the actions of a person who has your best welfare at heart?

Just state your position very clearly: I like to look nice, this is my way of looking nice, back off.

If he goes on about it say: This is not up for discussion, unless you want me to criticise your appearance on an hourly basis.

If he keeps going, question why he would do that to you, especially at a difficult and delicate time after having a baby.

Quim did the op ever reply to questions on the last thread?
Or is it, as a pp said, a case of wind em up and watch em go?

Matthew Wright, is that you?

I forget, I'll try and dig it out - I don't think so though.

It's a bit like that person who kept posting the picture of the girl on the donkey all over the internet

What's shocking is that he is unilaterally deciding that she is 'wasting' time.

I didn't realise anyone was expected to have a timetable of daily routine. Baby time, housework time, personal time... And he get to decided if she is using the time properly?

Fuck that.

Here is the first go around. Only ran to 2 pages but OP never came back, so probably thought they'd try their luck again.

I think if you're living together, the way in which you smell, does affect each other.

Think of all the threads where people complain about a husband who either is not sufficiently fragrant, or who is seen as acting inconsiderately after using the loo.

My husband will consult me about anything perfumed that he wears or buys - shaving soap, and soap for the bath. (Often Lush products where the scent can be quite powerful.) Do I like the smell? Is it too strong? So if he said he didn't like a perfume I was wearing, that would be fair enough - I might only then wear it if I was heading out without him.

Oh god I'd brain bleached that one. Fetid bell end!

Ah thanks Quim!

"Fetid bell end"

Ah well, none of us can really give decent adivce without some clarification, like what is the relationship like normally? Or has he always been like this, or is it a new thing etc etc.

So op if you want clear answers come back, if not, stop starting these threads and crack on with your life, just do what you bloody well want, even if its 5 hour manicures with expensive diamond sparkles. HTH.

What a twat!

Perhaps stop showing completely and see how he likes that?

Strange

I had to say something when my DH smelt like a teenage girl. My DD had bought him her favourite shower gel from lush and all I could think of when I smelt him was her and her friends. It put me right off

On the flip side, I'm not into makeup, hair fashion and this came up as my daughter got older and they both joined in together.

It was enough of a change to me that I've been getting my nails done twice a month (which end up chipped etc within the week as I decorate or do DIY).

I'd made comments about dh's Denis Healey eyebrows now he's getting older and told him to quit bugging me when he did fuck all himself. The eyebrows are now being trimmed.

Funny thing is, last Thursday I wore makeup, and neither of them noticed! I rest my case.

I think there's a difference between expressing an opinion and being controlling. It's up to each of us to shut down any comments and work out if it is controlling if our partner won't let up.

Were you a "groomed woman" before you were married, before you were pg and before your ababy was born? Did he complain about daily showers then? If he didn't like "groomed women" why didn't he say so before now?

I suspect he was perfectly happy with you as a "groomed woman" before. What does he think you should be doing instead of grooming?

My guess is he doesn't want to take care of DC while she showers and does her hair.... How long does it take? Some people take an hour and a half just getting showered, hair, dressed, makeup... others can do it in 20 mins. Maybe try meeting halfway?

Time as a commodity.... Nice.

My guess is hes a tightwad and is worried about the money its costing.

That was what was behind it when an ex said similar to me. Asked why i wanted to shower or bath every day.

Even moaned and told me off for rinsing an apple under the tap before eating it moaning about his water meter.

Asked why i had to have my hair coloured at the salon and why couldnt i do it at home.

We didnt even live together And he was the one in debt.

mumndad so because he doesnt want to parent his own DC she should meet him halfway........except its not halfway is it. Shes the one doing all the meeting.

A couple DH and knew .......she couldnt get 5 mins to herself even to shop for jeans .....she had to take 3 DC with her even though he was at home and she had been with the kids all week while he was at work. He didnt seem to like it if she spent any time on herself yet ogled ppl like Katie Price.

I remember saying to him "You know you wouldnt cope living with her dont you"

Not surprisingly they divorced.

My DH has never moaned about any part of my grooming routine. The only thing he doesnt like is nail polish and thats only because the fumes set off his emphysema. So i dont polish my nails and dont even own a bottle of nail polish. Which dosent bother me.