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Original poster

Pregnant after ONE DATE and now meeting the 'other' family - how to go about this?

32 replies

Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 19:32

Hi there,

I am 6 months pg as a result of a (happy) accident after one date! The father to be and I are getting on well but not sure at this stage if we are going to be a couple or not, but def will be co-parents.

Neither of us have met one another's families, we barely really know one another tbh. Does anyone think it will be OK to wait until after birth to meet another's family or would that be too weird? I can't work out what to do for the best because every scenario just seems really awkward. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 24/04/2016 19:34

Haven't you got to know each other over the last few months?

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 19:37

Yes I know him better and like him, just am worried about all the questions people might ask. I don't know if I will be perceived as his girlfriend or of we should just pretend that we are going to be in a relationship (to outsiders) for the time being and see what happens?

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Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 19:39

Would be interested to know if I am overcomplicating things?

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TheBigRedBoat · 24/04/2016 19:44

I assume your family know you are pregnant? What have you told them so far? Do his family know!

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 19:47

My family know and are fine. I suppose I'm just a bit shy about meeting his. It's "meet the parents" anxiety x 100...

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Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 19:49

If you are a parent with adult DC how would you feel do you think?

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Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 19:53

Also I'm 36 with a home, career etc. The dad is younger (is a mature 26) so I'm going to be the main provider, at least for the next few years.

We don't plan on living together until we are 100% sure of our relationship status.

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fitzbilly · 24/04/2016 19:53

What has he told them about you? Do they want to meet you? I know I would want to meet someone who my DS was going to co-parent with, and who was carrying my grandchild, no matter what their relationship.

I would suggest you meet them before the baby arrives. They will be your baby's family, you might as well get to kow them sooner rather than later.

TheBigRedBoat · 24/04/2016 19:54

Is this your first? If not ignore what I'm about to say -
His family (assuming they know about the baby) are likely to want to meet him/her very soon after the birth. You will be tired, hormonal and possibly feel like shit. That's not the time to be meeting the parents. If I was you I'd get it out the way before baby is born

fitzbilly · 24/04/2016 19:55

Are you still seeing each other now? Are you still sleeping with each other? or is it platonic at the moment?

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 20:08

Yes, it's my first so I've no idea how I'll be after the birth, so I appreciate the advice on timing.

Relationship has been platonic since I found out about pregnancy. I just needed some time to myself to work things out so we've just been 'taking it slowly'(!), meeting up for coffees etc. I think his family would like to meet me, but have been going through a difficult time as the father had a stroke and was in hospital for past few months.

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Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 20:10

I'm thinking I need to 'woman up' and ask him to arrange something. I suspect he would never get round to it...

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Miffyandme · 24/04/2016 20:13

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I don't think you're over-complicating things at all, just wanting to get to know people who will (hopefully) be significant people in your child's life.
And as someone else said, definitely meet them before the birth rather than in the early days or weeks - that would be really stressful for you.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 20:15

If I do arrange to meet them how can I make it less awkward?

Go to their house, have them at mine, go for dinner? Yikes!

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NickiFury · 24/04/2016 20:20

This sounds very like it could be the plot of a novel...

Miffyandme · 24/04/2016 20:20

I'd talk to the father of your baby (sorry, not sure of a less formal way to refer to him!) and see what he thinks. He must have a view on it by now!
Have you met his friends? Has he got siblings who may help make a meeting smoother?
I'd personally work it out between the pair of you - he needs to support you in this as if he is planning to be involved in your child's life, presumably if they are a normally functioning family (not all are!) they would also want to be involved.
I suspect honesty might be the best policy. They would hopefully feel reassured that you seem pretty sensible and independent.
Good luck!

TheBigRedBoat · 24/04/2016 20:25

Yes I agree you should ask him. Maybe neutral ground would be the best idea but a full meal could be awkward, how about a coffee/lunch? At least then the first time is done with pretty quickly and you can arrange a dinner/meet at their house to get to know them better. Does the Dad live with his parents? If not a meet up at his place might work too?

YolandiFuckinVisser · 24/04/2016 20:32

I was in your situation with DD. My parents met him, his parents v formal & posh didn't show any interest, they met DD and I when she was 6 months old. All GPs very involved now though & we are now married, didn't involve ourselves in a relationship for 2 years though, it took that long to get to the point where we both felt it could work.
I think you need to take it as it comes, if all parties want to meet & get to know each other in advance then all good, if not leave well alone, it's their loss if they don't want to know.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 20:34

nicki well my life has taken a few interesting twists and turns in the past few years, yes. haven't even mentioned that I'm going through a divorce currently as well after year long separation

His parents are divorced, he lives with his sick father currently. So it would mainly be his mum and two sisters. I would prefer to meet just his mum initially but don't want his sisters to feel put out as they all seem very close.

Also, have just been watching The Bachelor on ITVBe, where they do the 'meet the parents' thing - seems like an interrogation - and has set me off wondering what my !meeting is going to be like!

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Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 20:39

yolandi great to hear from someone who has been there! The only reference point I have at the moment is the film 'knocked up'!

I would be so interested to know how you finally got to the relationship stage without feeling pressured, was it a gradual thing or lightning bolt? (If you don't mind me asking?)

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Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 20:40

Thanks everyone who has posted so far with advice Flowers I don't know where I'd be without your collective wisdom on this and other threads.

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BarbarianMum · 24/04/2016 20:45

I think I'd arrange to meet them. Maybe somewhere neutral for something like a coffee (rather than a meal), so you can leave relatively rapidly if they do start interrogating you.

Congratulations btw

evelynj · 24/04/2016 20:46

Congratulations! Everyone will probably feel awkward so if poss for first meet Id say go for a meal somewhere-neutral territory & there's a natural time limit.

If you get on well, second meet at theirs or round to yours. Are they local to you?

Drowsybutawake · 24/04/2016 20:55

I was one of the other family in this situation, my DB and now SIL were pregnant by the time they went on their first proper date! They were a couple throughout the pregnancy though.

I met her when she was about 6 months, on a day out to another town with my DM and DB. It was very relaxed. From my point of view I was excited about becoming an auntie, so I was predisposed to like her!

I would avoid making a big thing of it but just do something nice together and get to know each other a bit. Chances are it'll be fine, and I think it is best to get to know them before the baby comes and all the attention is on the grandchild. It will help you gauge how interested they are and how much involvement you are going to get / want from them when the baby is here.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 24/04/2016 21:34

Thanks all! I have a plan! Will speak to father to be and organise a nice cafe setting. Will keep it light hopefully. they all seem nice from what I hear, and we will all probably be nervous but the sooner it's out of the way the better. Will report back!

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