Brave Babes Battle Bus is Racing Along.....

[venusandmars]

Our lovely mouseface usually starts these threads but I've just noticed that the previous one is almost full, so I'm facing technology and get the next one set up.

Anyone, absolutely anyone, who feels they have a problem with drink is welcome here. Whether you're trying to stop, or cut down a little, whether you've been sober for years, or even if you're too scared even to contemplate what is happening. If you think it will help you to post, or lurk, then please do.

There's often a lot of nonsense and banter, but lots of good sound advice.

And there is always lots of support and care and no judgement.

This is the link to the previous thread, if you want to read what's been going on so far The Previous Thread

And this is the link to JesusWhatNext 's original thread started 6 years ago The Original Thread

venus great tips, and I agree that just hoping you'll be ok isn't enough. I've fallen fowl of that far far too many times!

lala, I'm in Sweden, and fortunately summer has arrived here too - had a gorgeous and sunny (if exhausting) couple of days. It's the second time this year that I've been to a country that only has state run alcohol shops - so you can't buy it ANYWHERE but there (and obviously bars/restaurants). Went today to get some and it was heaving. So so busy. The government obviously does a fine trade off it. And I just wonder if it makes any difference at all to the populations alcohol intake?? Certainly makes you feel a little awkward....like getting your 'fix'? But that might just be me!

elba how you doing? And everyone else, hope you're ok!

Oh and will living on a narrow boat sounds so cool - bet your little boy loves visiting your dad!!

And on an annoying note, my dry January app went wrong and wiped all my data so I no longer have a record of dry days this year - think I'll start a manual chart instead, damn technology.

Just a general question, but when you don't drink for a few days do you find it brings on any physical problems or do you feel it's just the psychological side of it? Xx

Oh well that's me fell
Off I was really proud of my 6 days Aswell xx

Hi all. AF tonight and a day off tomorrow so hopefully will be able to make the most of the sunshine. Just realised I used to think that nights after a long shift would be a no go for not drinking as I need to 'de-stress' but I'm actually now actively taking advantage of them as getting in at 10pm or later means that I don't have to get through the whole evening. Plus being tired makes sleep slightly less of an issue.

Claret I'm going to copy your idea of keeping track of dry days over the year/months...so this is day 2 for May and day 10 for 2016! Sounds like you're having a lovely time, hope the rest of your trip goes well.

will and lala how are you both doing?

Hope everyone's ok, sorry not to name check. I'm off to bed, looking forward to not being hungover tomorrow! Xxx

Back to AF day 1 (AGAIN) and I fully suspect I will be saying the same again tomorrow as we have drive da round tonight. Ive thought of loada of perfectly good excuses and I know nobody would question me, but once they arrive, I will think of a million reasons why I SHOULD just have a drink . I feel quite proud I managed to stop and 2 n half glasses of wine and pour the rest down the sink, then proceeded to cry myself to sleep. Im a beginner so looking for some support to help me learn the ropes. I feel so sàd that I caved last night after 6 days. Who knows I could have forced myself the strength to go without tonight and crack up another day on my calendar gutted an ashamed in myself xx

Halle 6 days is awesome. Be proud. I managed ONE this week and consider that a bloody achievement. Just pick yourself up and start again.

Halle 6 days is great, amazing, fantastic, whoop de whoop. It took me months and months to be able to get to that kind of a stretch. It's not a race, we'll all get there in our own time. It takes time to change habits but luckily you can make those changes permanent and have the kind of relationship with alcohol that you want.

You might find that you can moderate your intake, or the days that you drink or you might eventually decide that you are happier not having any at all. When the time comes you will know, it will be right for you and it won't be a scary idea like it is now, it will be a lovely gift

But right now, all you need to do is try again. If you are going to drink today, fine. Lot's of 'normal' drinkers do that. What they don't do is drink to excess, so maybe make that your goal today? If you think you won't be able to start with soft drinks at the dinner, have them just before you leave home. You will be so full already, it will take the edge off the craving. Anything that helps, right?

Elba marking AF days in green on the calendar is just as effective imo as using an app and you could maybe mark your controlled unit days in orange or make a chart to show that your units are slowly declining. I'm a sucker for a graph; I do this with my weight loss as it sometimes goes up before it goes down and it can get disheartening but my chart shows an overall downwards trend which keeps me on track.

We haven't quite got Ibiza weather yet but at least it's not cold.

Thanks so much for your replies. I felt so awful last night about some things and the i just thought "f£&ok it have a wine" but I cried whilst drinking it wondering what the hell I was doing. Would love to have a healthy relationship with alcohol but it's still to early in my journey for me to tell what is going on. Thankyou so much for genuinely making me feel genuinely welcome and not judging me. I feel so much better bow just with those two simple replies xxx

Halle in answer to your question about 'when you don't drink for a few days do you find it brings on any physical problems' a common problem seems to be terrible sleep for anything from one to ten days. We call it 'seeing the hangover through to the end'. Also you might get restless legs, itchy skin and heightened anxiety.

All of this should settle down within a week or so and then you are rewarded with blissful, uninterrupted sleep, clear skin and eyes, an increase in energy levels and general feeling of wellbeing which we call 'The Boing'

The mental health benefits are obviously tremendously important too. However, you may need to take advice from your gp if you've been used to large amounts of alcohol as withdrawal can be dangerous.

How are we all doing today? Pony are you still with us. Made, Margie and everyone else.

Wry and Mouse are MIA. Do we need to send a BBSWAT team in?

faire a graph is a good idea, might start plotting weekly units on one. My app is great as it tells me exactly how much I've had since this time last week, and how much more/less this is compared to the precious week. Which is great when things are going well, but demoralising if not. But I think overall there is a downward trend, so that might be a good way to track it.

halle six days is great, don't underestimate that. I have never got past day one, and only managed that a few times after years of no AF days at all.

Best AF sleep so far last night and not feeling as wiped out as I have done after other AF days. Also realised that although I have craved (and given in to cravings) I haven't had to drink to feel 'normal' for a while. I think I had reached a point where full on physical dependence wasn't far off, and sometimes i was struggling by the end of a day at work feeling detached, anxious and actually a bit shaky. This all disappeared after that first drink, which I would have the second I got in. I'm still haven't managed more than 48 hours dry, but maybe I will just carry on focusing on my one off AF days for now. Feels like I'm 'practising' not drinking.

Being dragged to a local food and wine festival this afternoon (about as far out of my comfort zone as possible!), then planning on an evening in the garden. Trying to fight the feeling that after an AF day yesterday I can reward myself with as much alcohol as I want. Might also attempt a run later.

Hope everyone's ok and enjoying the sunshine!

Pulls on camouflage onesie and looks mean!

Been charity shopping and scored a Julien MacDonald bodycon dress for £8.00! The incentive I need to lose a few pounds..

Feels like I'm 'practising' not drinking.

Yes! That's exactly what you are doing. And the more you do it, the easier it gets

Go on ma, you can do it.

Afternoon all, how are we? Enjoying the sunshine? It's clouded over here in London, but still very warm, so been out in the garden with the puppy.

Stupidly just had a glass of wine. Going to conduct a mini experiment. I know a lot of us struggle to stop once we have started, and I am probably the guiltiest of that. I am going to see how long it takes for me to have a second glass. Or if I can just stick to one... I shall report back... Why is it that some people literally cannot just say 'oooh just the one or two glasses', why do I feel the need to continue until I black out? Perhaps something intrinsic in brain wiring? (Ponders).

elba well done for being AF last night, hope you enjoyed waking up hangover and guilt free! Once again, I completely recognise the same things you describe experiencing, ie feeling detached and anxious by the end of the day. Obviously don't get that if I have been AF for a few days, and I love that. Not worrying about when to get wine on the way home, not trying to remember which shop I have visited most recently and then alternating it so they don't think I am shock horror a raving alkie. I know that they judge me anyway, when I womble in, trying to look nonchalant as I peruse the wine aisle, and then grab what ever is on offer, politely decline the offer of a carrier bag and put it straight into my special 'can hold at least three bottles' bag that I have emptied especially so that the bottles will fit.... The amount of times I have made small talk about fictitious parties that I will be attending that evening, and that no, it isn't all for me (tinkly laugh), even mixing and matching the colours of wine eg. Two white and one red to try and make it look believable... (I don't even like red wine!), and so that I know there will be some left over for the next day. It's a mindfuck, all the careful planning and plotting... Such a waste of energy that could be put to better use elsewhere... If I dedicated as much time to my life/friends/work etc as I do to my drinking, I could probably be prime minister by now! (Scary thought).

Sorry, that was long. I am going to think about the fact that I had four AF days this week, so it's not that I can't do it. I guess it's the self destruct thing that we all seem to have (to varying degrees). Oh what I would give to be 'normal'.

In other news, boyfriend left me a ridiculous answerphone message last night at 2.45am, clearly pissed out of his skull, that he can't remember leaving. He is coming home in two weeks and will be staying here with me until we try and find a place to rent or something. This is not good news, as we enable each other. He drinks, a lot. I can count on one hand the number of times he has had an AF day since we have been together. That's bad. Although I can't blame him, as I thought that while he was away, I would be AF, lose two stone and be all zen like and sober. Clearly that didn't happen, apart from the sick bug enforced AF. So basically I only have myself to blame.

Sorry, this is long and rambling. Feel free not to read it! It's just cathartic to get things written down I guess. Third anniversary of my dad's death on Friday always puts me in a dark place. Just found out my ex is engaged, got to go to a baby shower tomorrow, and I am stuck here, at my mums, like some sort of overgrown teenager. Huh.

Right, enough of the self pity, I am off to play with my puppy, she is enough to cheer anyone up.

elba I hope you are enjoying the food and wine event, lovely day for it. ma congrats on your bargain! Hi claret, baby and everyone else, will hope you are ok. Love to all you lovely lot.

Oh and halle, as others have said, well done on six days!!! That is a real achievement

Laladidah ou make me laugh talking about your "bag that can fit three bottles" and the checking which shop you have bought from most recently. I can completely relate to you. Do any of You mind (if so you don't have to say) but telling your ages? Reason being I used to think this was an "old woman or man" thing! I think that's what and why it took me so long to realise I have a problem. Im only 32 years old for crying out loud how can I have a drink problem - that's how I used to view it xx

halle 32 here as well. I think it's the fact that we are not comatose on park benches drinking special brew that makes us think it's ok to carry on drinking in the safety of our homes, or at 'socially accepted' occasions... It's not, is it? Realistically, I may as well be on a park bench, quietly supping wine from a water bottle, but because I do it from the safety of my house, then that is somehow ok... and have been known to fill a water bottle with wine and make my excuses to go to the toilet and neck the lot. Bad Eh?

I think I read halle, on another thread, that you are struggling with benzos as well (not stalking you, I promise!). I think people who have addictions struggle with anything that alters the mind and makes us feel safe and 'normal'. Sucks to be us. I hope you have access to support and help? I have my own little stash of diazepam that I have been slowly eeking out, saved for special occasions like flying and when the hangover is at its most severe.

It's no life, is it?

Yeah lala, when I first come on the only thread I could see was the Dry12 so I posted there. I was talking about my drinking and benzo addiction. Yep, got my stashes of them all, anything that will make me
Feel not like "me" makes me happy. It's no life I agree, but at the moment for me it's a better life than I can deal with, without them. I was very quickly not sure what the word is but I feel "bullied" is appropriate, out of dry despite my many applogises for explaining that I still want to drink I just want to not drink as much. And I still feel that way. Id love to be ready for a T total life style but im just not. I can go without my benzo's quite often actually. Sometimes I actually choose just to sit and get high on them (sad I know) of the kids are away for the night and the hubby is working late and im not drinking, I will think nothing of taking some pills with a cuppa and a bar of choc and a film. At least i sleep
Better on those nights than others xx

halle the lack (or thought of the lack) of a good night's sleep unless conked out I think has led many a babe astray. I know not being able to sleep is one of my triggers. I'd i am drunk, I can just pass out. If I am not, I am literally awake until 3/4am and I have to get up at 6 for my job. It's a lose lose situation.

Not been on the dry thread, other than to have a nosey when it comes up on active, so I can't comment, but I think that the whole point of these sorts of topics is to offer support. Or just to know that there are other people out there struggling with the same issues and trying to help each other out.

I am rather new to this thread, but the amount of support and positivity is overwhelming. There is no judgement, just encouragement and good advice from all the wonderful people on here. It's a good place to be.

Be careful with the diazepam. You don't want to risk substituting alcohol with them. My sister fell into that trap, and she assures me that withdrawal from benzos is about a million times worse than that from alcohol. Although as far as I am aware, it doesn't run the risk of actually killing you, unlike alcohol withdrawal.

It is stunning to see how so many intelligent, pillars of the community (etc etc etc) and all round fab people (as evidenced by this thread) are affected by this problem. And it doesn't seem fair that we have to suffer, when perfectly normal people can take it or leave it....

Anyway, halle, keep posting, keep talking. We all have a story, but the main point is that we try and help each other out (as much as a bunch of strangers on the Internet can!). Lots of support, and there are some really really really inspirational people on this thread.

Well at least I know if I do decide to drink at my dinner party im going to keep thinking about this thread as a ways to keep me semi-sober. I know their sobriety is so special to them and when I realised this I stopped posting about my idea to moderate but it didn't make any difference. I was still told I was to F off and I was Unwelcome. This page is totally different. It's not supporting people TOO drink, it's supporting people IF they have a problem and there for them IF they fall off the wagon. I should have stuck to this page. He ther one was busy last night and this one was quiet do I didn't really know where to turn to for support as there was a select few through the posts and a few Pm's who were trying to stand by me and were disgusted in how I was treated but we're to scared to say so sad to be on a forum you feel you can't sah how you feel of your not "in" with the "in" crowd (that being regular posters etc. Having been o. Previous forums for other hings its over whelming for a newbie and they never bought once about my state of mind at that point in time and I ended up in tears with a bottle of wine and celine dion lol xx

Fc Oh god!!! Not celine dion?!

Some people get quite pious about it. A bit like an ex smoker who sits and fans their hands at the perso

Yeah lol ..... Like ... Ewww I don't smoke that's a disgusting habit (im imagining the queens voice as I wrote that lol) .... Ive already had a PM as a friendly warning that I will get jumped on for writing this but the way I see it, I left their forum and left them alone, if they care so much about their sobriety they will just stay away from me as im a trigger for them xx

Sorry my phone has gone mad. Keeps you phoning and texting people on it's own!

Anyway, my point was that people who have managed to get sober quite rightly hold on to it with every fibre of their being... And so they should. What annoys me is the greater than thought attitude some people adopt...

Anyway, I need to go and take my puppy to the park via the off license and try and enjoy the rest of the sunshine. Oh and send messages to all the people who my phone decided to call - a random acquaintance was treated to a voice message of me whistling in the bath

Greater than thou. God I need a new phone!!!

Lol .... Message later on after your bath domypu can make me laugh a little more. Maybe having a distraction will stop me from over drinking tonight xx happy
Puppy walk (via the off license) xx