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Original poster

OMG is he cheating?

58 replies

newworldnow · 21/04/2016 22:25

.just snooped on his phone(be patient) and saw that he has deleted location history for Saturday day and night. well he must have done because there's history for every other day.
This is important because I went out with friends and got tipsy and got home an went straight to bed.
Only notice him in the morning and think everything ok. Go for breakfast and his phone has no charge. He always, always charges his phone at night. Odd I think.
Go shopping and lunch emotionally distant. When I say cant find anything to buy he says well these clothes are for unrealistic 25 year olds. Odd thing to say. What should I wear then? A sack? Dick.
Still hasn't dawned on me then we have sex and he takes ages?
Then has been going to loo with phone etc, WTF?
Thing is don't know how to handle this. Haven't said anything yet.
Also he made a point of telling me he went out for a coffee when I went to bed and went to bed....has own room due to snoring......at 9.30.
Wondering if I have been made a total fool of. Won't drink again(celebration one off). For all I know he could have been out all night.

OP posts:
Original poster
newworldnow · 21/04/2016 23:43

well if the trust has gone its hardly been my doing. Christ can't a girl have a night out!

OP posts:
Original poster
newworldnow · 21/04/2016 23:46

Also he usually works from home sometimes and this week guess what? He has't and has been sitting in cafes for hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
newworldnow · 21/04/2016 23:47

Will stop ranting now :(

OP posts:
penguinplease · 21/04/2016 23:52

To be fair , I take my phone to the loo and I'm very protective of it. I have no secrets and I'm single, I just have so much on my phone!
Maybe off point but it doesn't necessarily mean it's bad.. Oh and my location history is always wrong !

Original poster
newworldnow · 21/04/2016 23:56

Yes but do you have missing days and no charge in your phone the next day?
God this is so embarrassing I cant stand it.
Look I don't go off into the night for coffee or appear dressed in the morning. It was my bloody birthday. If he's up to something he's a sick

OP posts:
Original poster
newworldnow · 21/04/2016 23:58

Will keep eye on it and post back. Ducks in a row etc

OP posts:
penguinplease · 22/04/2016 00:08

Yes missing days, even random places I wasn't at!
My phone is charged at night unless I'm tired and forget.. I'm not dismissing your worries and clearly he has form.
Do your research and plan your next moves . Good luck

Redglitter · 22/04/2016 00:31

If you have anything else that's making you suspicious fair enough but don't go purely by places. My brother showed as being in Bangkok and I showed as being at work for 3 dsystem solid

Original poster
newworldnow · 22/04/2016 00:37

Well the truth of the matter is that he's a sex addict in recovery. So he shouldn't be doing anything to worry me. Selfish idiot. I know it gets places wrong it's the fact a whole day and night is missing and he went off into the night.
God I can't stand it. I've detached from all this shit and don't want it in my life anymore!

OP posts:
janaus · 22/04/2016 02:50

Uncoping -

Location on an iphone

Settings -
Privacy -
Location Services -
System services (right down the bottom)
Frequent Locations (right down the bottom)

TheNaze73 · 22/04/2016 07:41

I think you're putting 2 & 2 together & getting about 463. I wouldn't dream of snooping like you're doing.

LonestarStateOfMind · 22/04/2016 09:42

Well probably the op would never have dreamt of snooping in this way before he cheated the first time. Anyway he has form, trust your gut. In a way if he's cheated again or not is irrelevant, there's no trust, it's no way to live. Sorry op.

Cabrinha · 22/04/2016 09:56

The location services is pretty random sometimes.

But even ignoring that, the rest looks bad.

But it was bad the first time (that you know about) and it's my opinion that you can only very rarely make a relationship work after the betrayal of cheating.

Sex addict my arse.
Selfish bastard who just wanted sex with someone else more like.

ILikeUranus · 22/04/2016 10:00

Can we have a medal for thenaze73 please? Not for her maths though, obviously

RaeSkywalker · 22/04/2016 10:09

janaus thank you. I had no idea my phone has that function!

OP, it does sound like he is behaving strangely, but for me I think it's more significant that there is clearly no trust in your relationship. It sounds like you feel it's over. If that's the case, end it cleanly and move on, there's just no point driving yourself mad with this. Stop focussing on catching him out and start focussing on your future.

rockabillyruby82 · 22/04/2016 10:30

Morning OP. It sounds to me like you don't trust this man (with good reason) or love him anymore and are looking for an excuse to (finally) leave him. The fact you don't want or care to confront him proves this.
I wish you and your DS well x

hellsbellsmelons · 22/04/2016 11:10

Trust your gut here.
I must admit though, just checking my locations and I've never heard of most of them - odd!
It was the secrecy with the phone that tipped me off to my ExH cheating.
You don't want this and you are now going to do what you need to leave.
Well done.
Get all important docs.
Check bank accounts.
Don't let him empty savings or anything.
He's probably already one step ahead of you.
Good luck getting this cheating scumbag out of your life!

Original poster
newworldnow · 22/04/2016 11:33

Thanks everyone. Yes I can see that I want to leave so I was looking for things. Being cheated on and staying doesn't do anyone any good!
By the way it was GPS tracking that wasn't on.. He has a timeline on his phone which shows on google maps where he was and for how long through each day.
So there's one whole day missing does anyone had thus happen to them?

OP posts:
picklypopcorn · 22/04/2016 11:40

Wooooooah nelly, take a step back and take a breath!

Just going to throw out an alternative explanation here that's way more likely....

He's pissed off with you!

You went out the night before without him, fair enough but to him this may well have felt like a rejection of his company.

My guess is he keeps porn on his phone (a lot of men do this as it's the best place to hide it!) and when you went out for the evening, he had a little party for one which wore the battery down streaming videos.. To make sure you didnt find out about his little party, he obliterated the phones history for the last 24 hours which would have cleared not only search history but also location data etc etc. He was then naturally protective over his phone the next day, unsure if it had actually cleared everything properly so took it to the loo with him to check!

This also explains why he took ages during sex the day after...

Next, he's pissed at you for his feeling rejected over your night out (or for something else, who knows!) so is emotionally distant at lunch but still has sex with you because he doesn't want to ruin your birthday by showing his mood too much and sulking. He didn't anticipate that his mrs is ms marple and would sense something was up anyway, By the evening he's tired, pissed off and just needs some time out away from you and out of the house, so he goes out (anywhere he can think of) to get away for a while, hence "coffee" at 9:30pm.

He gets back, his mrs is demanding to see his phone and accusing him of cheating... no wonder the guy is defensive and now even more pissed off!

Only you know your relationship, but my guess is he hasn't cheated and actually this is in your head. However, your reaction says a whole lot about your feelings for him... this isn't really working out for either of you :(

Original poster
newworldnow · 22/04/2016 11:43

I won't bring it up because I won't get a fair reaction. It will be all defence and bullshit. And the usual I said I'm sorry can't you get over it patronising bullshit.
God I sound so angry. Must calm down and get on with life.
Will keep posting!

OP posts:
picklypopcorn · 22/04/2016 12:02

OP I think you're looking for a way out and that's fine, but don't torture yourself thinking he's cheated on you when there's other explanations for his behavior. The relationship you have is unhealthy and will be hurting both of you, best to have a grown up chat with him and outline what you both want.

Big breath, you'll be fine :)

rockabillyruby82 · 22/04/2016 12:22

pickly are you serious? So OP can't have a night out on her own without him getting pissed off? Your alternative explanation is ridiculous! Hiding porn on phone? By the way that would be alot of streaming to run down the battery, he'd be a bit sore!!

picklypopcorn · 22/04/2016 13:06

Of course she can have a night out on her own, I didn't say his reaction was normal I said it's an explanation as to why he might be distant? If he's a sex addict and by the way OP has described him he's not the most rational person in the world, so it's entirely plausible he could be mad about that. I'm not saying he's got grounds to be pissed off or that she shouldn't have gone out....

I'm not saying my explanation is definitely what happened, my point is it's plausible so you can't assume he's cheating. There's loads of other explanations too... alien abduction from a coffee shop is my personal fave Grin

And yes, hiding porn on your phone. I am reliably informed by DP and most of my male friends that it's standard practice! Hmm DP and I have a relaxed attitude to porn generally but we don't rub our use of it in each others faces, so he keeps his on his phone and makes sure he wipes the xbox internet history if he uses that (for the big screen experience presumably Hmm) so I don't have to see what he looks at which suits me fine! An iphone battery will run down by 1% a minute when streaming, if it was already near the end of the day he'd easily run it down in 20 mins or so.

rockabillyruby82 · 22/04/2016 13:55

I'm not in the habit of watching porn, don't find it a turn on at all. I'm more inclined to imagine Mr DiCaprio Grin far more realistic lol!

picklypopcorn · 22/04/2016 14:31

Haha it's not really my thing either to be honest! DP and I were long distance for 5 years at the start of our relationship though and we were both very honest about our "needs" right from the start Hmm. We were both at uni and wanted our relationship to be a casual thing to begin with, but it turned out we really quite liked each other and neither of us ever saw anyone else Blush. When we admitted this to each other, he (very bashfully) admitted he used porn to get his rocks off and he was so ashamed of it when he told me that I burst out laughing and told him I might try it too to see if it worked for me (partly to make him feel more comfortable, partly because I was 18 and kind of curious!) Grin 8 years later and he uses porn occasionally as do I (about once every 2 weeks for him and about once a month for me) but it's not really a sexual thing, it's to get rid of tension or tiredness and never because actual sex is off the table, if that's the case we'll just wait it out! We are very open with each other about it but respect each others privacy. Eg, i'd never do it while he was in the house and likewise neither would he! We never snoop on each other. He's asked me a few times what kind of thing i watch and I've asked him too, but I'd never ever go looking for it and neither would he... that feels like a huge betrayal of trust!

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