Will try and keep this as brief as possible.
Am married with 2 children ,one of whom has special needs.
I in the past have suffered from panic attacks and agarophobia.
My dh holds down a job and most nights after work goes to the pub drinking to varying amounts.
Just before christmas he came home and could'nt walk he fell and cut his head in our driveway .
He said all over christmas how sorry he was but first day back to work he came home in a similar state wandering round the cul de sac looking for our house.
Now I have been dealing with this for a long time and was doing really well up to this point but just before christmas i started getting panicky again and did'nt take my ds to school.
I have issues with the school anyway but how they deal with my sons special needs.
Since going back to school last wek my ds was upset about going back but he went last week.
the last coule of days i have 'nt took him as i have been in such a state and i know this is wrong and will am sure people on here will say it s wrong.I know that more than anyone and don't want to slip back into not being able to go out again and lettting my son down.
Tonight dh has come home at 10pm really drunk and started shouting at me telling me i am a useless mother and whyy did'nt i take ds to school.i tried to explain i need some support n the evenings and not knowing when or how drunk he will be does'nt help.
he said he is talking it out of my hands now and calling SS and telling them i can't cope and that he thinks i should be sectioned as i have lost it.
He just kept telling me to f off and i went upstairs and his down the side of the bed and he came up looking for me.he has never hit me but is so aggressive and shouts into my face calling me a stupid bitch .
After a while i went back downstairs and he pretended he was asleep on the sofa and i went to the kitchen.he came in and corned me and grabbed me by the scruff of the neck scratchimng me as he did it and kept saying i was useless and he only stays with me for the childrens sake.
i brought up about his drinking and said i needed some help but he just kept saying f off and eventually he went upstairs and went to bed.
i can't live like this much longer his famiy are aware of his drinking but brush it under the carpet and my parents died a few years ago and my sisters know of this to some degree as does his sister but they don't live near me so i feel so alone.
I am finding it difficult to deal with my sons special needs and it breaks my heart and i just want to protect him
I know i can't keep him off school but i want to make sure the school understand his condition and he is being treated in the right way.
i don't mean to keep him off school and some might say it is selfish but i need some help to get over this.
My dh just kept saying hios children come first and i am f--king them up but i tried to tell him i ned some help as teir mother so i can deal with things better day to day and his drinking is bringing me down and i have no support from him,he says he is fed up with my anxiety issues .
He does'nt see his drinking is contributing to this.
He frightened me tonight when he had me by the scruff of the neck and shouting at me with bulging eyes and he was so drunk he was'nt even looking straight at me.
I am a complete mess and now worrying about how i will pull myself together to get my son to school tomorrow and keep from falling apart.
i have things in school concerning my son i need to do to help him but feel so over rought at the moment i can't handle it.