Do all guys check out hot girls online? Please help: in danger of being bunny boiler?

[greensea]

I'm in a relationship of over a year - long distance - but manage to see my boyfriend every second weekend. We also spend holidays and any time off together, we are pretty serious and planning moving in together etc. My boyfriend is a lot of fun and seems to utterly adore me. Here's the problem; SEEMS to. He always tells me how amazing I am and how I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. And whilst I'm lovely, I'm aware I'm not.

Anyway, my boyfriend's browsing history shows me he has been looking at pictures of other girls online - beautiful girls, like Rachel Riley in bikini etc. It's never anything seedy (I know he uses porn to masturbate sometimes which strangely doesn't other me). I discovered this early on into our relationship (he had been looking at this on my laptop, whilst he was visiting me! And left his details logged into my computer so it came up as I searched). I confronted him, and apologised for sounding psycho but explained that I just didn't understand why he was looking at them. He said it was just him being a randy boy and more out of habit than anything, and he'd not do it again.

He visited last weekend, and again left himself logged in and a list of his search history came up. I'm almost certain he'd never cheat on me but it does make me feel like his compliments to me are nonsense, of course I look nothing like the leggy blondes he is googling.

Do I just need to get over this? Are all/most men predisposed to actively look at other attractive women. I feel like I don't want to bring this up again, as I already mentioned my insecurities which caused a slight argument and have not changed his actions. To reiterate, it's not him finding other women attractive that bothers me, just the fact he is actively searching for them online.

Am I just nuts? Any advice appreciated.

What suspiciousofgoldfish said. With big bells on. Especially the bit about 'bunny boiler'.

I agree with Toomuchinfo1 - I look at pictures of shirtless rugby players all the time, its the same thing. Its harmless IMO.

In a general discussion on this sort of thing, a female friend once said something like 'by all means perv, but perv discreetly'. She said it in a joking way but I'd agree with the notion of not checking out attractive people in such a way that other people become confronted with it.

Are we not allowed to Google pictures of attractive celebrities when we are in a relationship now?

That makes me sad. I like doing that.

I'm reading this thinking of all the evenings I have googled Benedict Cumberbatch after a few glasses of wine

But from what little i know of you pair OP, you sound unsure about moving so i would put it off for a while. You also sound a little immature and i'm not sure if you're with him for the right reasons. Don't rush to move in at this stage.

'Randy boy' excuse me while I vomit! Surely by 30 he should be a man- a man who respects his partners feelings.

I don't care how. 'Cute together' you both are- you both need to grow up before moving in together

.She said it in a joking way but I'd agree with the notion of not checking out attractive people in such a way that other people become confronted with it. To be fair the partner is doing it discretely. The Op would never know if she wasnt actively searching her partners google browsing history which is creepy and op has issues imo Should the dp have to clear his browsing history so that he doesn't inadvertently upset the op? (Although my guess is a cleared browsing history would rile the op up 10 times more than leaving it).

I agree that a person's browsing history should be private.

Browsing history should indeed be private. It's nobody's business but your own. (Or the police)
Having said that, I would clear my browsing history anyway. I do now and I'm single. I don't want anyone using my phone to know what I've been googling

Do you know what if he'd just been searching for images of certain celebrities that would be fine, I have been known to spend an evening reading a 'most gorgeous man' thread on MN and googling for images. But the addition of the word 'hot' would bother me, the fact that he calls himself a 'randy boy' would really bother me (and probably result in an argument about what a fucking stupid phrase it is) and as for the online dating profile? Hmm. Dom't move in with this guy yet. A year of EOW romance is not enough to decide to live with someone, there's way too much he could be hiding from you. Bide your time, watch out for red flags and remember if a man tells you what he's like then listen.

Yy to Sues post above!

I don't see any huge red flags in his behaviour, other than he's maybe a bit childish for 30 ("randy boy". ew, please!)

However, I would caution against the upheaval of moving jobs and lives to move in together just yet as I think your gut is trying to tell you something. Listen to it. Even if his behaviour turns out to be innocent, why is it making you feel threatened? I think you have a few things to work out before you up sticks.

Start searching for hot celebrity males online and have a thoroughly great time looking at them. Make sure you leave it where he notices you doing it. Every person you will ever have a relationship with will have some faults. I guess it's up to you to decide how big a deal this is to you.

This 30 yo man describes himself as a "randy boy".

He "uses porn to masturbate sometimes", which fact "strangely" doesn't bother the OP even though he's getting his rocks off to pornographic images of vulnerable women being sexually exploited for the titilaton of men like him.

Furthermore , he spends an inordinate of time checking out other "girls" online and, having promised that he wouldn't do it again, he used the OP's laptop when he next visited her to go back on his word.

I don't need a crystal ball to see a sleazy cheesy middle-aged philanderer in the making and I'm wondering how many more red flags need to be flying before the OP is strongly advised not to give up her job and move away from her friends/family in order to live with this tosser guy?.

Goddess, we're not sure that he searched for these images on the op's laptop. He logged in to google and could have been searching for anything, but by staying logged in he left his search history for her to see. It's not clear when the objectionable searches took place.

While I agree on the whole with your view on porn (assuming it is common and garden non-ethical porn) I think we need to remember that the op doesn't seem bothered by his use of it, so I don't think it's fair to project that issue into your assessment of his character. Further, many long distance relationships will rely on masturbation to keep sex drives sated, and I don't think it is altogether strange to be using some form of stimulation for it.

While I don't see these things in isolation as indubitable big red flags, I do think she needs to pause for thought for a while and stop with all chat about moving until she revolves her feelings on this and I agree completely on that. something just isn't adding up for the OP and she is rightly spooked.

Regardless of when he searched for images of other "girls" online, the fact that he used the OP's laptop to do so when he was visiting her is disrespectful in the extreme and raises a serious question about his boundaries, Mole

Imo any sexually experienced adult who needs to view porn to masturbate has an impoverished imagination, and I would have thought those who are in long distance relationships are more than capable of 'sating' their sex drives by visualising images of their absent partners.

The OP has known this "randy boy" for over a year, during which the accumulated time they've spent together is unlikely to be much over 4-5 months. As it's been a long distance from the start I'd hazard a guess that they've been on their best behaviour, so to speak, when they meet up and, if these are examples of his best behaviour, heaven knows what the OP may be letting herself in for if she's foolish enough to throw caution to the wind and live with him at this early stage of the relationship unless he's prepared to move to her town.

Fwiw, makers of ethical porn can become extremely defensive when the lives of their 'stars' are under discussion as very few women who haven't suffered abuse of one kind or another are drawn to making a career out of performing sexual acts on film for widespread distribution to the general public.

This is my first time ever posting on MN and I really appreciate advice from those that are able to think critically without being judgemental or cast aspersions. Objective opinion and the ability to have an open mind (with maybe someone having experienced similar) is all I was looking for. CityMole thank you for helping with that!
There's a lot of hate and bold statements flying about "any sexually experienced adult who needs to view porn to masturbate has an impoverished imagination" maybe I'm not the only one with issues(??)
I agree my expectations are tall and my partner has made a mistake, but my understanding of an adult relationship is that you try and work things out before writing off a relationship that is 90% loving and inspiring.

There is no hatred in my considered opinion that "any sexually experienced adult who needs to view porn to masturbate has an impoverished imagination", greensea, and you don't need to use your imagination to view some of the cautionary tales on this board from numerous women whose lives have been adversely affected by their partners' use of porn.

While I would counsel those who are married/have dc to "try and work things out before writing off a long term relationship that is 90% loving and inspiring" and in which there is no abuse, I see no reason why a single unencumbered woman such as yourself should settle for a relationship that is less than 100% loving, inspring, and life enhancing.

Having issues to 'work out' over his internet use at an early stage does not bode well for the future, more particularly as you've said that a "slight argument" over your concerns has "not changed his actions" and, in asking whether you are "nuts", it seems you're beginning to doubt that you're entitled to raise them.

My concern is that you may be in danger of overinvesting in a self-entitled manchild and my fear is that, if you move to live with him, you will begin to accept behaviour that you wouldn't tolerate if your current support system - aka friends and family - was close to hand.

I'm also wondering why it is imperative for both of you to uproot and leave your current employement when it would seem more sensible for one of you to move to the other's location and my fear may be somewhat alleviated if he was willing to move to your home town.

I freely admit that I am vehemently opposed to the type of porn that objectifies women which, needless to say, is predominant on the free porn sites that are easily accessible via the net and if you research the subject I doubt you will continue to maintain that you are unbothered by it.

In conclusion, I would suggest that you're best advised to engage in a lengthy period of critical thinking before throwing your lot in with the current object of your affections.

Bet everyone who has posted about Googling attractive celebs wouldn't do it on their partner's laptop, though, after their partner has said 'this makes me uncomfortable'. That smacks of 'I'm making a point that I want to do this' now. Imagine your partner smoked and you didn't like it but tolerated it because they had the right to choose etc, but then they kept smoking in your car, house etc after being asked not to. Think most people would agree that was disrespectful so why not this? And he'll 'do anything to make it up to you' - except stop, apparently.

Can't the 'signed in on Google' question be settled by looking at the laptop search history on specific days?

And don't use the term 'bunny boiler' op. This is what men call women who object to them being fucking pricks.

Seconded. Should be locked in a room along with 'banter'.

Op, I was in a LDR and would also see my then DP, now DH, about the same amount of time as you see yours. Any browsing history he had would be motorbikes and Ebay. I can't get my head around why he's doing this when he's with you, especially as you hate it, big red randy boy flags.

I can only imagine your feelings on Rachel Riley now!

Yy Kitty and Goddess.

I feel like I've googled most things on the Internet, just out of curiosity. Some embarrassingly banal things, and some very shocking things.

I would suggest that what people are interested in, in one phase of their life, is usually quite different to what they are fascinated with in another period of life.

I certainly wouldn't want someone judging me by some of the things I've googled in the past, because they are private to me, don't define me, and are a very small part of the ethical person I strive to be.

I think some people are missing the point about his use of her laptop and how google works when it remembers your search history (Or maybe I am not understanding correctly, in which case, ARGH). I had thought that, when you are logged into google, then wherever who make a google search, whether it be on a work PC, your own phone, tablet, laptop, your parent's computer or your new girlfriend's laptop, the your browsing history will be saved and will show up on any device into which you log in.

He left himself logged in to his Google a/c on the OP's device, which allowed her to access his search history. That his, things he has searched for while logged into google, in any number of devices over time, and NOT conclusively on the OP's device, during their precious time together.

Forgive me if I am wrong, but if I am right then I think this makes a bit of a difference, when we are talking about the magnitude of his culpability and his respect (or lack of) for the OP.