Can an EA man change?

[TabbyT]

Does anyone have any examples of an emotionally abusive man who has actually made fundamental changes?

I have told DH that we need to divorce (married 17 years, together 20, 3 DC). He realises I am serious and he is now being super nice. He has even asked if he can read the Lundy Bancroft book and admits he is like Jekyll and Hyde. Whilst this is good I can't help but feel that it will be impossible for him to fundamentally change. I am so worn down by him I don't want to live like this any more.

Any stories of someone who has actually become a great partner after being abusive for years?

The thing is, even if these men do manage a swift personality change and become decent people what does it signify ?

If it was that easy to do why didn't they do it before ? Why wait until the relationship has been irretrievably ruined by their behaviour ? It smacks of total disrespect and self serving manipulation

if they really thought abusing someone to get your own way was wrong they wouldn't have cultivated a culture of it for so long

Exactly AF..... I told my stbxh (when he was being "mr nice"), see you knew what I wanted but you chose not to do your share. You chose to bully me into sex. You chose to ignore me

he can change about as much as a leopard can change it's spots.

What is "nice" behaviour from him?

I hope you choose what to watch on TV quite often now. I hope you choose to eat what you want not what he wants.

Could you break a stupid rule a day? Get your old self back?

They don't change. They will appear nice for a while but the mask soon slips. I hate the nice guy nasty guy because you feel always on tenterhooks. I'm now free of him, he left me for someone else after saying he would chuck me out and take the children. He didn't take the children and moved to another part of the country to set up a new life.

I feel very sorry for his partner especially now they have children. She has no idea what is in store for her - though I suspect the Mr Great Guy mask has fallen a few times during her pregnancy. He just hates not being the centre of attention. I can't believe a word he says now. So glad I have him out of my personal space. The freedom tastes wonderful.

Livid about a ready meal when you'd just given birth. Oh My.

I was just wondering what happened op? Did you leave in the end?