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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Lack of Sex

62 replies

RedMan2016 · 09/04/2016 07:31

I'm a male, 46 and have two children 10 & 12. My wife dotes on the three of us and we are to all pretence and purposes a happy family. Over the past 12 years however the lack of coitous has diminished to the point whereby I do not think we will ever be intimate again.

For years I have taken the rejection and now this has mentally affected who I am. I do not feel the same confident person I used to be.

I get moody with resentment and sometimes this causes arguements and this further deepens my resentment.

I've considered finding a sexual partner outside the marital home just to relieve my pent up frustrations. Masturbation alone does not fill the void. Using porn does not do anything apart from making me feel like a pervert watching an 18 year old masturbate.

I've stopped going out on the off chance that she may feel in the mood and I'd miss out on that opportunity. I feel totally consumed at times with he thought of not having sex, it is the one thing that is on my mind all day long, not every 8 seconds!

I have resigned myself to the fact that we may never be intimate sexually again, and for a day or two I'm ok with this, but then I'm all consumed by the urge to have some physical contact. I've even contemplated going with a prostitute, approaching a single neighbour to become friends with benefits.

I feel that I'm becoming perverse in my thoughts, I can't even have a meeting without thinking about the prospect of having sex with these colleagues.

It's so demoralising that I feel a little resentful to my wonderful children, although I do think this would have happened regardless of children.

I'm not sure what or where to turn next. I feel that I'm being totally selfish about my needs. I could not have had a more caring wife who does everything for us 3.

OP posts:

Mmlemony · 09/04/2016 22:21

Alaughaminute did you not read his last post? REDMAN why did you feel the need to go into graphic detail of your sexual prowess? What purpose did that serve apart from titillating yourself?

dillydotty · 09/04/2016 22:28

He was responding to some one asking if he had a victorian view of sex where it is something he does to a woman rather than a mutally satisfying experience! Give the bloke a break.

Mmlemony · 09/04/2016 22:34

Really! I don't really know what to say. He was very graphic and I don't understand why that was necessary to illustrate anything. Perhaps I'm a bit old fashioned.

britmodgirl · 09/04/2016 22:39

Single neighbours are for life, not as a local sex option.

(Bitter & twisted cat lady at number 14)

ALaughAMinute · 09/04/2016 22:41

Mmlemony, you are taking the OP's comments out of context. Read the thread!

Original poster

RedMan2016 · 09/04/2016 22:46

From the ouset mmlemony, you took a distinct dislike to me! Balls bursting... I can find easier ways to get aroused, than pouring out my circumstances. Is mumsnet not accessible for men? I needed a woman's perspective on things and that's what I got. Like I said I may write politely, which gave the wrong impression from the words I use because I was trying not to offend, if I wanted titilation from my prose I could have signed up to Tumblr and posted a few pictures of my erect penis for good measure too!! And yes the last pun was intended. Like I said earlier Thanks for the advice, I've decided to hang in there until my wife is in a better frame of mind and off the prescription medicine. Ladies thank you. Even though you have all been through some similar situations you don't all detest men...

OP posts:

Mmlemony · 09/04/2016 22:55

I don't detest men. I do think that some men are overly obsessed with sex at their partners' expense. It's not the be all and end all of life. I was a bit shocked to read your highly sexual post and if that offends any of you then fair enough.

Original poster

RedMan2016 · 09/04/2016 22:55

Britmodgirl

Lol, she's lovely and lonely too. I think could be a mutually satisfying liaison... No I would not, she's a good friend and neighbour! But in the depths of despair...the thought has crossed my mind!!

OP posts:

britmodgirl · 09/04/2016 22:57

Fair enough. Good luck getting it all sorted

EllieFredrickson · 09/04/2016 23:00

I'm not sure that wanting at least some sex in 12 years could be described as 'overly obsessed'.

Mmlemony · 09/04/2016 23:05

Ellie I don't think he is overly obsessed! Clearly it's fine to go into great sexual detail now on mumsnet. That's all. I am perfectly entitled to my opinion on it.

haveacupoftea · 09/04/2016 23:08

You need to talk to her. A proper talk, and explain that the thought of affairs has crossed your mind. A life without sex is no way to live.

Also, read Mars and Venus in the bedroom.

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