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Relationships

Texts to his ex

35 replies

Justgoaway · 02/04/2016 18:48

I'm a being unreasonable that after a year together my boyfriends ex still finds it acceptable to text him any time of the day.

I have to disclose now that I am only aware of the extent of this due to using his iPad (linked to his phone) and in that time a conversation played out. So curiosity for got the better of me and it's just hundreds of messages.
She seems to Initiate conversation almost daily, there are times when I guess she had gone a few weeks without messaging but for the most part she is in touch daily.

He always replies. Is always apologetic to her if it's a slow reply.

They do have children, I am aware that they might need to converse about them but some of the conversations were up to twenty texts long. (All day).
General chat, laughing and the occasional memory thrown in.
They don't put kisses or talk feelings etc.

They've been separated 18 months. He doesn't seem to iniate conversation or send any texts. But always responds and seems happy to chat.

Is it weird ?! Normal ?! I feel a bit put out

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InaMay · 02/04/2016 20:50

Gotta be honest here, I'd be concerned that he hasn't even told his ex about you after a year together.

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Justgoaway · 02/04/2016 20:52

She knows about me.

What I meant is that he didn't want to hurt her by having me in his children's lives until he was ready to share them with me

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Toounhappynow · 02/04/2016 21:06

I find your last few posts much more of an issue than your first!

He doesn't want to hurt her by having you in his kids life? And you have been together a year and work with him so have met them but he doesn't want to share his time with them, with you? Are you the type to demand he gives you attention over his children? After a year surely he knows if his relationship with you is casual or long term. What does he say to you OP?

When you say she knows about you, do you mean he knows he is seeing someone? Or does she know he is seeing the woman who works for him and you've been together over a year? My guess is she thinks you a casual bit of fluff.

I would be wary in your circumstances, sorry.

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Lemonblast · 02/04/2016 21:12

On the contrary, he maintains an amicable relationship with the mother of his kids and he's taking his time before potentially causing any more upheaval in their lives.
He sounds like a good guy. You can't expect to make him change a dynamic between him and his Ex that clearly benefits the kids. Who are the most important things in all of this.

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HeddaGarbled · 02/04/2016 22:00

Hmm, there is a little bit of having his cake and eating it here. He left her but he is still a very big part of her life which he seems to be quite happy with. And then he gets to have a girlfriend as well. All good for him.

Not good for his ex. This level of contact is not going to help her get over the break up.

Not good for you. Fair enough in the early stages of your relationship but it's been a year now.

He's happy with the current set up but in fairness to both you and his ex at some point quite soon he ought to make a decision about which way he is going to jump.

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Runner05 · 02/04/2016 22:10

Apologies for sounding spiteful, I actually meant my comment as tongue in cheek but that obviously didn't come across as expected.

We attempt to keep a pleasant relationship with OHs ex despite the circumstances of their separation which most would consider a good reason for him to feel quite unpleasantly disposed towards her. If OH didn't have children with her he would choose to cut her out of his life completely as she is not a very positive influence however the point I was trying to make is that when you have children, no matter how you really feel it's far better to swallow it and maintain the appearance of friendship for the sake of the children.

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louise987 · 02/04/2016 22:18

Tbh he sounds like a decent guy.

Don't worry about it and trust him. Or speak to him and have it all out on the table to share concerns and how things need to be for you both to be happy.

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choli · 02/04/2016 22:34

I think the OP needs to examine her own insecurity to figure out why it bothers her so much that her boyfriend has an amicable friendly relationship with his ex. Surely that is the best type of post breakup relationship for all concerned?

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Justgoaway · 03/04/2016 07:43

I wouldn't say it's an insecurity at all.
If it was a few texts a week a picture of the children or discussing them it wouldn't have unsettled me. Some days they text all day and talk, as far as I could tell it's only the last few months were this has been happening.

Clearly you are and would all be happy for your partners to be texting their ex all the time.

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Binders1 · 03/04/2016 09:59

It sounds like your bf is playing your relationship down to his ex and that it's pretty casual. It does sound like you are a little insecure/jealous even though you say you are not but then you are posting here for reassurance. You post he speaks to her more than he does you. It has been a year, he is not ready to put you in his children's lives and wants to keep you separate. How often do you get to see him outside of work when he is not with his children? He sounds a good dad and co-parenting will be much easier if it is amicable with his ex. Texts to an ex especially to the other parent wouldn't bother me at all if I trusted the person and the texts were innocent as you have said.