Am I right in believing he was taking me for a mug?

[unlucky4ever]

Basically a couple of days ago I felt in the mood for some fun. Me and him don't live together. I wanted him to come over. I texted him to tell him that. I had seen he was posting on some website about a football game around the time I asked. Anyway, I had a feeling he would turn me down because he wanted to watch that. Mind you, I had already told him earlier in the day about meeting up and he had said that was ok and to let him know when.
He first said it had gotten too late by the time I decided to let him know and then he came up with this excuse that it was the holy week (he is religious but not to that extent) and he went on about how he was surprised that I would get him to do something sexual on the days Christ was tortured and killed. I was convinced it was all an excuse as I had seen him post about a football game. He just didn't want to come over because he wanted to watch that. I did tell him I thought it was an excuse but he just said if I was being serious. Anyway, I told him on purpose to come over all the same and we wouldn't do anything sexual but he didn't want to that either which reinforced my idea that that was just a lie.

I got angry also when later on I saw him post comments about girls and their milky bags and so on! I didn't tell him only because he doesn't like me browsing that website where he posts and I didn't want to have to admit I went on there to check on his activity.

I know for a fact he was taking me for a mug. I let him think in the end that I believed his excuse but now I'm left wondering if this means I can't trust this guy because he's an obvious liar (ah he denied being on that website right after I had just seen him post comments on it) and hypocrite (wanted to make me feel bad for wanting to have sex when he himself is posting sexual comments). The religious stuff didn't come out of nowhere. He is spiritual but not at that level I'm sure.

I'm not ashamed for checking what he does as my sixth sense was obviously right in telling me I can't trust this guy. What do you think about it?

I think you should run a mile. Saying yes to seeing you later, commending you for taking the lead (don't know what the history is behind that?) then knocking you back in a way I would have found sexually humiliating, while ALSO posting lecherous misogynistic posts on a forum that HE has said you can't go on because it is too pervy BUT IT IS OK FOR HIM TO GO ON!

He sounds so icky it is unbelievable. I think it is worse than him taking you for a mug.

And to people who are saying 'oh it's ok my husband comes up with daft excuses'....it is not the same at all. I bet your husband's excuses are just daft, I doubt they are humiliating and degrading! Or I hope so!

I think your "couple" bar is set so low it is actually subterranean

While I think he's an arse, and I wouldn't bother with him, I also think stalking him online is really off.

I would hate it if DH read my posts on MN. I would find it very intrusive.

If you don't trust him, then the relationship is dead in the water, anyway.

How old are you both??

We're in our 20s.

Sorry about the late reply.

Well I think in a couple there shouldn't be any secrets or things the other person can't see. I don't think it's stalking. We're not talking about some random guy. It's my boyfriend and I am interested in what he does online obviously. The only thing I do anyway is checking if he posts about other women on that website he uses.

I felt humiliated by his rejection because I know it had nothing to do with religion (which wouldn't have made me feel rejected) but it was about some football game that was just a friendly by the way, so nothing major.

Anyway I didn't mention that he tried to make me feel bad about the possibility of me then masturbating to find release by myself telling me that if I did that then he was free to watch camgirls for a bit of variety. I haven't even done anything alone since before that day. I told him after Easter had passed that his going on about how bad it was to think about sexual stuff during the holy week that he had put me off sex at the moment and I felt guilty thinking about sex. That didn't go down well with him. He said I shouldn't be upset if he masturbates to camgirls to find release since I didn't want to have sex these last few days. I have to respect that he doesn't want sex and at the same time he manipulates me into not even doing anything by myself because he doesn't like it if I masturbate alone, but I can't expect him to wait a few days without him running to jerk off to camgirls if I don't give him sex when he wants (I'm not a pressure cooker he said).

How hypocritical is this on a scale from 1 to 10? If I accept that he does that, then he shouldn't get upset at me masturbating either when HE doesn't want to have sex when I want.

Mind you, I told him on Monday not wanting to have sex would be for a matter of days. I needed a few days to shake off that guilty feeling I had.

I am feeling ok regarding sex now but we had an argument yesterday about all this so I'm not sure now what it's the best thing for me to do.

The best thing for you to do would be to LTB. Be alone for a while, masturbate your brains out (sans guilt/permission) and move on. Seriously. I really can't believe that you're in your 20s, OP. This is all so weird and immature.

I think this was a "shit test" from you. If you knew he wanted to watch the game, why would you bother, knowing what the answer would be? Time apart in a relationship is just as important as time together. As for all the other stuff, he has going on, that's just wrong. Why do you want to be with someone like that? As others have said, this all sounds immature & more suited to the playground rather than a living relationship

Loving not living

Weirdest post I have read on here for a while.

You both sound ridiculous. Please don't breed.

I came on here for advice and so thanks for taking the time to read.

I know I've been childish. I don't certainly think of myself as a person that never does stupid things or mistakes. Relationships are a learning process. My childishness stems from jealousy. I am not retarded.

Telling me don't breed is quite offensive. I might have had childish behaviours but I'm sure that everyone once in a while does something stupid and so on. That kind of comments about me being weird and ridiculous came off to me as judgemental. I'm glad if you reached a stage where you never ever do anything silly. You don't anything at all about me to say I'm ridiculous and should never breed. Just a couple of paragraphs in a thread. That's all you're basing this judgement on.

I might not be mature enough for the Mumsnet audience but I don't like my boyfriend watching porn. He can masturbate all he wants, I don't mean to dictate to him that he can or cannot do that but he can do it without watching porn. That men have to watch porn to masturbate is just something that is wrongly repeated as if it were an irrefutable truth. You can be more liberal about it, that's your view. I have my view and he being with me should respect it, as I don't watch porn either and I do as I preach, so to speak. Others can do as they please, Doesn't affect me.

To go back to my initial issue... I had asked him all that before I even knew about this football game and he had said yes.

I insisted when I knew he was watching a football game, and that's childish of me, I am not denying that at all, because I wanted to see if he was gonna be honest. He just fed me some bullshit about religion.

Anyway, I appreciate all the answers. You certainly made me realise I shouldn't sink to certain levels of silliness.

He sounds like a bully to me.

• He's telling you what you can/cannot do, in the privacy of your own home.

• He's telling you that he is going to watch Cam girls

• He posts filthy comments about women, on the internet, using words like Milky Bags

As for no sex in holy week? What? Have a missed a big memo?

He sounds truly awful, you could do so much better. My 17 y/o wouldn't stand for this.

I have seen him being hypocritical about certain things more than once and It's food for thought actually. I'm a very understanding person so I always forgive and overlook stuff that I shouldn't overlook probably.

Yes, cam girls. He can't understand why that bothers me because I don't do the same so he can't understand my feelings. He said if I watched porn he'd kill me. Basically he wouldn't be as nonchalant as he expects me to be about it if it was me watching cam boys. Not that I want to but hey, if he can do it then so could I potentially.

That is a forum where just men post really so I guess they think posting comments like that about women is funny. I'm actually disgusted by that forum and he knows that and he says it doesn't bother him that I have that opinion of that forum.

As I said, he is a spiritual person and his family is quite religious so that excuse could have been credible if I hadn't discovered about the football game.

Sorry?

He said if I watched porn he'd kill me

You know he is a sexist, disingenuous arse. 'Spiritual' my backside. Whether porn is right or wrong, paying for cam sex is perhaps on another level. LTB - lucky escape.

While I think he's an arse, and I wouldn't bother with him, I also think stalking him online is really off.

This

"Spiritual"? I could while away a considerable amount of time listing words that describe your bf, but 'spiritual' is one that would be immediately discarded as being wholly unsuitable for a man whose only interests are carnal.

Relationships can indeed be a "learning pocess", but if you don't ltb in the near future you'll learn the hard way that he is a man you shoud have dumped as soon as you discovered his innate contempt for women.

This misogynistic porn addict has indeed taken you for a "mug", and you'll be one if you stay with him after the sound advice you've been given here.

Do youself the biggest favour you've ever done; give the sexist tosser the old heave-ho and look for a man who respects women.

He doesn't pay for the sex cams, too stingy for that lol. He uses free ones. I do think watching someone live is different than regular porn videos. He says he doesn't interact with them or type anything to them but still, he's watching another woman live perform sexual acts.

What does "ltb" mean? I don't know all the acronyms commonly used on here, sorry.

I know he doesn't come as spiritual at all from what I said and yet, he brings up spirituality sometimes when we have conversations and it bothers him that I don't have his same spiritual side (this according to him). He believes in certain stuff. I don't feel like going into detail with this though.

I can hardly believe the discussions you are having about sex (sadly I do believe it.)

You're not allowed to masturbate and he'd kill you if you watched porn wtf?! You invite him over for sex, he acts all offended because he's spiritual and it's Easter and you think you probably had sex last Easter . He watches women on webcam and refers to their 'milky bags' online. Never heard of that term before and wish I still hadn't.

He sounds disgusting and I agree with pps that this is so childish. Do you really have to stoop to his level? It sounds like he is a random you have just met and all you do is have sex. It doesn't sound like you have been together a couple of years in anything resembling a normal relationship.

ltb = leave the bastard which, if you any regard for yourself, you are best advised to do.

This man wouldn't recognise spirituality if the Holy Ghost hit him over the head with a shovel and whatever his 'spiritual' beliefs are, it's patently obvious that he doesn't adhere to them in the flesh.

In common with chocolate, I feel as if I've had far tmi with the milky bags but, on the basis of in a for a penny, perhaps you can explain in what way you think that "watching someone live is different than regular porn videos"?

You're playing stupid games with the "I feel guilt so have gone off sex".

Don't even get me started on him.

You both need to grow the fuck up. Just Leave The Bastard, move on with your life, get a more mature head on your shoulders and reflect on why you behaved like a teenager in this relationship, so that in future relationships you don't behave the same way.

This is not going to be a happy relationship. EVER. Just end it and stop all the pointless dramatics.

To answer your original question: yes you are right, he is taking you for a mug. In common with other posters: LTB. Sounds a very unhealthy relationship and you deserve way, way better.

Why don't you just dump him?