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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

why is it taking so long to heal ?

67 replies

NeckingtheNightNurse · 26/03/2016 06:57

Me and my ex split last May mutually and for months I was fine I've done so much work on myself had therapy lost weight socialised even a few dates. Then the other day this woman sent me a photo on Facebook of her and him together for no reason other than to mark her territory ? I was really upset as I had predicted in fact that this would be who he would move on to as I saw her sniffing hound him when we was together and they are old friends. Suddenly I was propelled back to the beginning of our split I haven't eaten for weeks from pure sickness and adrenaline. On top of that he actually hasn't left me alone what so ever. As an example he left a rose on my car for valentines. I haven't actively chased him but I do still love him we just argued all the time when we was together. Last week I went to the emergency dr and got prescribed beta blockers and ups my anti depressants but I can't sleep even! It's really hard as I do night shifts so sleep is important and the anxiety despite the beta blockers is so bad. I've re booked for more therapy as in aware this level of fear and anxiety just can't be normal can it ! I'm struggling quite badly here so any advice ! ANY would be so gladly receivedConfused

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tiredofeverything · 28/03/2016 22:38

Hurt I think I remember your other thread I understand the situation. However he should be jumping to confirm arrangements to spend time with the dc's particularly the newborn. You've made an offer of reasonable contact if he doesn't get in touch don't beg he's loss.

tiredofeverything · 28/03/2016 22:41

Good going Kirk two days nc is great. I can't even manage that SadI'm trying to plan my day for tomorrow so I'm kept busy. We can't let them ruin every day.

Kirk123 · 29/03/2016 09:38

Yes I agree their loss , but for us women it's so hard to understand how you can give up your own children so easily ???? And you want to fight for your kids to see their dad , even though we know that's not our job ! Why are we all so nice to me ? Digging deep for no contact day again xxxx

TheNaze73 · 29/03/2016 10:02

They sound just right for each other. What an utter cow, for sending you the message & he's being a cock if the highest order for not letting you go fully. On this one, I think you need to be the one that leads it & go NC. Things will never get better, if you can't fully let go. As for her, block her. Can't believe what some people are capable of.

NeckingtheNightNurse · 29/03/2016 16:17

Thanks cocktail queen and Naze. I had a date today and was stood up Sad my ex rang me up and said he dumped the other woman but I'm so annoyed with mankind I couldn't care less about him today. I decided that I would still go into the diner and order myself some nachos and just rang my best mate and my sister. I'm starting to get the I want a new hairstyle idea but I've kind of been there and done that in previous dumps and it wasn't a good idea. Still perhaps it means I'm in a new faze ?

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Kirk123 · 29/03/2016 16:43

Stood up the bastard , he wasn't meant to have you , you missed a bullet , oh he has left her what's your feelings ?

NeckingtheNightNurse · 29/03/2016 17:15

Well yes I don't know I felt maybe I wasn't in the right head space for a date anyway as in too much has been going on with me pining over my ex and would my energy come across weird in a date. Turns out I didn't even have to worry about none of that as he didn't show. I think my ex left it a little too late he was upset and anxious about me going on a date with someone else and all that tells me is I'm his safety net incase other woman goes wrong. I must admit in glad he has dumped her and I do feel better because of it. I just really do. Smile

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Kirk123 · 29/03/2016 18:29

I bet you do , but make sure you don't have him back if you don't really want this to happen again , because it may do ??? He may get back with her as he could be addicted to the thrill of her ??

tiredofeverything · 29/03/2016 18:37

Nurse what do you mean the fireman stood you upShockI was waiting for the details Sad of a fab date to give me hope. Stuff him, probably had a small willy anyway Grin.
But seriously I can't believe he's ditched the OW, but don't get sucked in I know the lure to go back can be oh so strong.

NeckingtheNightNurse · 29/03/2016 18:47

I know it was a real let down. I waited 10 mins then called him and he said he had been at the hospital with his teenage daughter who had taken a load of pills but she was fine it was attention seeking lie and he said he had to way to let me know because he had no wifi ??? Only I managed to call him ? So I said it sounds like he had way to much going on and not to worry bout it. He asked if we could meet up tomorrow or the next day but I said I was busy. It's time to set boundaries about how people treat you. I don't want my ex back I know it won't work I keep referring to my shit list which is 3 pages long ! I keep even thinking of more stuff to add to the shit list ! Grin

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NeckingtheNightNurse · 29/03/2016 18:49

And also on another level of in honest I do want him too Sad

conflicted

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Kirk123 · 29/03/2016 20:18

A shit list , I need to do one of those and I must keep reading it as the urge to have them back is awful , but in truth I know it would be the worst thing I could ever do to myself , keep strong NURSE 😇🙏

NeckingtheNightNurse · 29/03/2016 20:27

Yes kirk I was reading some advice from dr Phil website about relationship break up and it only takes about 3 seconds to push through those impulse habits like contacting and distracting yourself with a shit list I have found is a useful way to do that.

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NeckingtheNightNurse · 30/03/2016 14:00

This was message from fireman this morning ! I've said I will think about it but I don't know with all this shit going on I don't think I'm even ready now !

why is it taking so long to heal ?
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tiredofeverything · 30/03/2016 14:20

Hi nurse mmm.. I don't know I always like to give the benefit of the doubt and second chance but perhaps that's why I get shit men lol. Maybe arrange another date but not today, make him wait. Don't want him thinking you've got no life to be free for spare of the moment dates. Arrange for the weekend?
Also his full name is on the attached screen shot Shock

NeckingtheNightNurse · 30/03/2016 14:38

Oooooppps yes I will get that removed. Yes I said I will think about it but it won't be today !

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Kirk123 · 30/03/2016 14:40

We could all come and check him out for you lol ! Play it cool Hun xx

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