Midlife crisis

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

Tell me your experiences of your partners' midlife crises. What did they do? How long did it last? Did they realise they'd made a mistake? Did you forgive them and/or take them back?

I'm needing strength right now as I find myself in this situation.

Is it appropriate to ask you how much of this situation arose from the bereavement of his brother?
Was that a catalyst to spark the change in the person he was. Would it have happened sooner or later anyway?

Glad to hear you and the DC have moved on in a positive direction

I too had the I love you but not in love with you speech. Apparently I was no longer fun and stopped him living life and having new experiences - 1 of which turned out to be a girl of 22 (he's 46).
I have given myself a year to heal and I'm slowly starting to get there, but having a bad day today as he has updated his Facebook photo of one which has has the 2 of them in. I know I shouldn't look for my own sanity, but can't quite bring myself to block him.
My mantra has been "living well is the best revenge" and I'm trying so hard to live up to it, but some days are harder than others.
Good luck to you

Oh Cherry, I am sorry you're having a bad day.

I had the same thing with Facebook. While we were together he hated Facebook and wouldn't even have an account, but one day and picture of him and her popped up in 'people you might know'. Not only that, but he'd used photos of the children I'd sent him while doing stuff with me, making our own memories. It really pissed me off because it felt like he was claiming those memories as his.

And then, and this sounds weird, OW kept having her hair like mine (according to the kids). So I blocked them both on all social media I could think of. And it felt good. And I felt better. I felt free. But you have to do it when you're ready, I guess.

I read through all these messages last night, and the one piece of advice I wish I'd taken is this: stop making it about him, accept it and live for yourself now; forge a new life - a better one. And my life is so much better without him in it.

You will get there

Amazing update op!

I wanted to share my story...got to mid life and started to feel very bored and restless. Everything was very settled and lovely...husband, kids, schools, work, but instead of feeling content, life seemed horribly routine. I ended up falling in love e
emotionally with one of my closest (female) friends and our relationship intensified very quickly...being constantly in touch, nights out just the two of us, sharing intimate secrets, and so on. It was utterly disastrous. I started to become really emotionally dependent on her to provide some spark in my life, and everything became really volatile and intense between us. She is gorgeous and fun, but has issues of her own and I think it scared her that I'd suddenly become so needy and she was having to give so much time to our friendship (even though she was very receptive to a point). I on the other hand was totally obsessed and in my head, it was almost like running a second relationship. My husband chose not to notice that I was spending every single night glued to my phone and I was totally distracted constantly. I ended up having a huge fallout with my friend and having counselling to try and put my marriage back in the centre of my life. My husband had no idea about any of this. My friend and I are still friends (incredibly) but I'm trying hard to put some distance between us at the moment. It was the most awful experience of my life. It's very scary what can happen when a gap opens up in your life and someone else starts to fill it.