Apologies for the length of this post; I've put it under 'relationships' because I'm eager to know what other people think of the situation in relation to my parents in addition to finding a long term solution for the family pet.
When I was 16, my parents, during one of their drunken conversations made the decision to buy a dog. They informed me pretty much as they made the decision and I was absolutely elated as I'd always wanted a dog. The next day I awoke excited, like any other 16 year old and asked when we would be getting the dog, I was met with "oh well we should probably have another think about it, we didn't actually say we would get one." This was nonsense and pretty much went in line with all the other broken promises of my childhood made under the influence of masses of alcohol. Both my parents were heavy drinkers and it wrecked our family life and my childhood.
I decided I wasn't going to let it go and managed to get Mum to see that another broken promise just wasn't on. Dad was still very reluctant.
Against Dad's wishes, Mum and I went to a farm and returned with collie cross when she collected me from school one day. Dad was annoyed when we got home but said "you walk it, you feed it" and that's what I did. Every morning and night until my parents alcoholism eventually drove me out of the house when I turned 20 and my dog turned 4.
Having little money from my part-time job I asked my parents to fund dog training classes that I would happily take him to. They said he was my dog and I would have to find a way to pay for them. They were too expensive so I bought books and tried my best, but tbh I wasn't very good at disciplining him at all. I now know I was too soft and my Dad's mixed messages and inconsistencies which went against everything I taught him just confused the dog and his behaviour became difficult.
When I left home at 20 after lots of alcohol induced domestic abuse from my parents, I unfortunately had to leave my dog behind. I knew that Dad would never let any harm come to him and he didn't. He took over feeding and walking him, perhaps out of guilt. Although he was made to stay in the tiny utility room most days. Mum didn't help at all.
Eventually, after a few years, Mum left Dad for another man and I finally moved into my own house. Dad's alcoholism deteriorated and on 2 occasions, he left the front door open and the dog ran off and almost got ran over. Dad said he was struggling to take care of him and asked if I'd have him back. Of course I said yes. By this point the dog was much older and I noticed how many negative behaviours had set in. I couldn't have visitors without him barking at them, climbing on them, being aggressive towards them. It was awful. I knew that rehousing him at an old age was slim especially with behaviour problems so I made good friends with an experienced collie owner and he helped me a lot with some issues.
Fast forward to now, I'm now married with a DC and another on the way. The dog is very old but still plodding on and still living with us. When I was expecting DC1 we enlisted the help of a dog trainer who explained that a lot of his behaviour was down to anxiety and temperament due to the time he spent with my Dad which must have been full of inconsistent messages. We enrolled he help of a wonderful vet who told us that we would need to find a way of rehousing him as he posed too much danger to DC. We failed in finding a suitable home and against the vets advice, we kept him.
It has been a rough road and I keep him away from DC (now 2) most of the time, however he has grown to love him and protect him. It has been so hard though. He barks at the slightest whimper, still attacks visitors and runs around like a mad dog at the slightest change. He's exhausting. He has recently had an operation to remove his leg after cancer and it has been awful. He's attacked vets, trainers, helpers, it's been awful. Every simple visit has led to him being put to sleep first.
My parents don't help at all. They won't take him in when we go on holiday, help with walking, help me control him at the vets when he's attacking everyone (although not bitten yet). They have completely written him off and leave me to deal with him whilst heavily pregnant.
I can't face having to protect another child from him, being on edge for another year each time DC2 cries or makes the slightest noise. I know that if I don't keep him, he'll end up mistreated or neglected because of his age and behaviour, but I just can't face this all over again.
DH has lost all patience for the dog, but feels like a do. He loves him but can't face the uncertainty of how he will react/behave with another baby. We would never put our DCS in danger: believe that. The dog is always kept well away, but it's no life for him not being allowed to be involved in our family life.
I know that a dog is for life and I feel so guilty to have naively pushed for a dog in the first place at 16, when my parents were so irresponsible in the first place. But I really had no idea what sort of people my parents were until I got older, I was used to them and I was used to their drinking.
Any ideas what I could do about my dog? I don't want him to end up being mistreated or neglected. It's not his fault he turned out like this and the trainers we've seen feel his behaviour has been deeply ingrained now. So that's not an option either. I can't face the dog, a toddler and a newborn. It was he'll last time.
What should I do with him? Any ideas?
I've asked my DM to help, but said "you wanted a dog, you got a dog" and I feel totally upset at her brash, insensitive response. Do my parents need to take some responsibility here and help me? Or are they right? He is mine and it's all up to me?
I can't believe that, at thirty ,my parents are still able to let me down like this.