Am I wasting my time?

[WineIsFineAtNine]

I'm sitting in a pub waiting for an OLD to text. We went on a fabulous date last Monday and I ended up goon home with him which resulted in sex 5 times in one night stealth boast. He called me the following day but I screened his calls as I prefer to text. We were texting fine and have been 'sexting'. He then asked to meet on Saturday night which I was willing to do- however he text me a short while beforehand that he was too tired and needed to sleep (he does have a very stressful job in the legal industry).

We then agreed to meet tonight, he text me last night saying he would be late tonight as he is going to an engagement party. I ignored the text but he still hasn't text me a time or location to say when we are meeting tonight?!

FWIW he isn't already in a relationship because I have been to his house and he was definitely single.

Is he interested?

That wasn't rude of you. Well done on saying that.
Have you had any counselling or therapy for your issues.
Because it looks like you have quite a few.
This could help you unravel why you choose the wrong men time and time again.
And like I said up thread, Freedom Programme and fast!!!

< Not seeing him again is not being rejected. It's deciding you're not going to be treated like dirt.>

This ^^

I do agree with pp that have said you could benefit from some counselling or something. Who cares if you've offended him? He doesn't see bothered that he's offending you!

Oh dear. I'm sorry to say I was pretty shocked when I read you were 46 - your posts have a much more immature impression to them.

We went on a fabulous date last Monday and I ended up goon home with him which resulted in sex 5 times in one night

I'm assuming this was a first date? Fine if you want to find a sex based relationship but it's not a good idea to jump into bed with a man you barely know if you are looking for a relationship. Even if you aren't looking for relationship it's generally a bad idea for safety and health reasons. Giggling to yourself about having sex 5 times in one night is teenage stuff.

he text me last night saying he would be late tonight as he is going to an engagement party. I ignored the text

Are you 12? Why would you ignore this text? Especially with someone you have only been on one date with.

I was in a bad mood with him and he asked me what was wrong but I said I was fine.

Again childish. Why say "fine" if you weren't happy with his behaviour? You could have calmly explained what you had a problem with. But having said that it is a bit early to be "in a mood" with someone you are seeing casually. Right now he doesn't owe you anything. If he is treating you with bad manners at the start and you don't like it, it is better to walk away than be "in a mood".

We then got back to his house and started to have sex.

Why? If you were upset with him, why did you just go home for sex with him? Are you that desperate for sex?

He asked what was wrong and said I was in a mood with him etc.

Did you explain why you were "in a mood" with him? Did he ask you why on earth you came home with him and slept with him in that case? Because it would be a perfectly reasonable question. He probably thinks you are a maniac.

The subject of pregnancy then came up and I said I have had two abortions previously (I'm 46 so these were a long time ago and I don't have a problem talking about it- I actually think it's good people see the 'human face' of abortion)

You shouldn't be giving this kind of very personal information to a virtual stranger. It is overly intense and however you feel about it you should realise that is a sensitive issue and you don't know how people will react.

and he said that was ridiculous and asked if I liked to get pregnant on purpose!

He sounds a treat. This plus the pressuring you for anal sex and the dicking you around with the dates = bad signs.

So there, he probably knew I wasn't into him then.
We had sex in the morning and straight afterwards he said now would be a good time for me to leave.

You what? how do these things sit together

I left my necklace at his house (accidentally) and he text me to say he would drop it into my work but I told him it didn't matter and to put it in the bin.

Accidentally? Really?

I think the abortions bit is irrelevant. It just sounds like it was a sex thing for him & you weren't willing to do what he wanted. It sounds like you're both totally incompatible so you're best off out of it

OP I think you need to get your shit together sorry.
You sound like a 15 year old.
He sound's like a prick, are you really that desperate that you wait 'till 11 o'clock to meet your date ( booty call)?

You deserve so much more than this' you are sending out all the wrong signals by oversharing so early on. You are a sitting duck and every nasty bloke you meet will spot this straight away.

Yes it's definitely over - it hardly began really - and he sounds like a mega creep, block him and move on

What is it you like about him OP? What is it that makes you want to sleep with him?

He's upset you by dicking around with your plans, by the getting pregnant comment, by pressuring you for anal sex.... Why are you bothered about upsetting him?

Your low self esteem & anxiety seem to be a contributing factor to why you may be single; and I say that very kindly as I'm actually the same. but why is this man single?

This isn't some fairytale romance. He's using you for sex. Walk away & learn from this. A fwb situation - you're not friends with this guy & there's no benefit from shagging him.

CheersMedea I loved your reply. Totally spot on!

OP, grow up and have some self respect.

Because on paper he is perfect- I'm hugely outing myself here but I'm Jewish, he's Jewish and there aren't many tall, Jewish and single men available!

I can't help it- I seem to naturally give an 'I don't like you/am not emotionally available' vibe to men every though really I'm overly emotionally available because worrying about them consumes me!

I get you, I'm emotionally dead & guys never know if I'm into them or not. But just because he's Jewish too, doesn't mean you have to be with him.

I'd back away. If not, he will probably force you into this anal business whilst you try to convince him to like you.

It's not the end of a relationship because it's never been a relationship!

The "fabulous" first date (your words) was fabulous because he was on his best behaviour so he could get in your knickers. He achieved that. So second date ended up as not a date and you got drunk by yourself and met him at 11pm for more sex, probably becaue no one else was around for him.

You are not giving off an "emotionally unavailable" vibe. You are giving off a "walk all over me and I'll still have sex with you" vibe.

Agree with other posters, you need to work on your self esteem.

In a previous post the OP says she has been married for 23 years??

Dear god. This guy is a creep. He isn't just a waste of time but a bullet to be dodged.

'Do you think knowing I've had abortions in the past out him off?'

It's not information many would share with virtual strangers.

Please, please do some work on your boundaries and self-esteem before dating more.

I'm 45 myself, and made a number of mistakes in the past, but well, as one author wrote, 'A fool is someone who does not learn by experience.'

Sooner or later, you have to modify your behaviour if you're to have any chance of real contentment and peace.

Blimey OP no kid gloves here I'm afraid - you've been a nightmare and if I was a man the last thing I'd want with you is a friends with benefits arrangement - namely because it's supposed to be fun and with respect you sound anything but. Ignore his calls? No answering his text but content with sexting? Being in a mood? Sleeping on the other side of the bed? You don't sound emotionally unavailable you sound incredibly emotional childish and so I think any right thinking man would avoid even a casual relationship with that for fear or reprisals. Do you think you need to change? Because don't kid yourself you're in any kind of control with these silly strops you're throwing - they are an absolute turn off to any right thinking individual. At 46 you really really do need to evolve.

I've got a FWB arrangement, he's lovely, respectful, great in bed, we're adventurous to. He never ever pushes the boundaries to make me feel I have to do stuff I don't want to.

Get rid, so what if he doesn't want you, find someone who does.

Really Secrets?

Read the posts. It's mostly about risky attire and suchlike.

I don't know what to say except please do yourself a favour and learn some self respect before dating again.

The bloke is a sleazeball and after all that was said the previous evening, why the hell did you have sex with him the next morning? Him being tall and Jewish is irrelevant if the rest of him stinks.

Actually, ignore what I've just written and read CheersMedea's post, several times.

What happened to the 23 year marriage? Agree with Secrets, this is very bizarre.

Eh op? On your other thread you're long term married with 3 older dc, on this you've never had a relationship .

I thought OP said she'd never had a "successful" relationship rather than a relationship in general? Have I read this wrong?

OP was 37 in 2015, and is 46 now.

Read again Sup - the post at 14.53.

Maybe she forgot? Easily done if you've got a lot on your mind

Well 8 weeks on this thread, 23 years on the other.

He's a disgusting individual for trying to pressure you into a sex act you didn't enjoy. Don't sell yourself so short.