This is a real hard one to explain but it's becoming a bit of a problem. I have DC of 4yo and 13mo. 4yo is learning to read and has games that she plays on her own, and 13mo is learning to walk and talk. They both have little repetitive routines and processes that they are familiar with and they enjoy, e.g. 4yo likes to read certain books to herself and likes to get to the end and clap. And 13mo likes it when I count and sing songs with him. I know that DH knows about these things in theory, as he tells other people about them, but he cannot seem to recognise where their attention is and when. I'll give you a few examples:
I will be counting to ten with 13mo and he'll be repeating some of the numbers after me, fully engaged, and DH will shout 13mo's name from across the room repeatedly, over my voice, trying to get his attention for no reason, but just to distract him from counting. He can't wait until we've got to ten. If 13mo is taking some tentative steps, making his way over to pick up a toy or to get to a sofa (I will have said "where's your train?" and 13mo will be walking slowly and pointing at the train ahead of him), DH will swoop in and grab him and throw him up in the air before he's got to the train, and 13mo will start crying because his plan has been uncontrollably scuppered.
We went to the seaside last week and 13mo was saying the words he knows to do with water and animals and pointing at them. I was saying "yes! well done, and what's that?" 13mo thinks about it and starts to say the word but is distracted by DH waving in front of his face and saying his name because he has some ice cream on his finger that he wants 13mo to lick off.
If 4yo is reading her book and is obviously engrossed and halfway through, DH will launch from across the room with another book and start reading it very loudly to her. If she says no Daddy, and pushes him away, he will think she is play fighting and grab her and fake wrestle with her, lifting her off the ground, the half read book falling to the floor and she will start crying too.
I sing songs from tapes with both DC together and we can be in the middle of a song and he will come over and jump on me and try and play fight with me and put his hand over my mouth to stop me singing and shout something like "Mummy attack!" So the tape is left playing with the music and they just look a bit confused. They don't find it funny because for them it has interrupted a process and is rather random, whereas I suppose if he made it more of a process in itself - like a game he played with them - or "his thing," they would probably find it fun.
It would be fair enough if he had some other plan of something to do with them or something to say to them or teach them when he gets their attention, but he doesn't. He fundamentally can't seem to observe what they're doing and work out what he could do to enhance the experience they are already having. He can only impose on them in some other random, fleeting and unrelated way which takes their attention for a few seconds. It's mainly just calling their name repeatedly to distract them enough from what they're doing that they can't go back to it. If they do respond to him and go up to him, he has nothing to say and nothing to give them. There's never a "new" game. He just wanted to call their name and get their attention.
He is like this with everyone, but most adults are good at handling it or just ignore him. His mother, sister and brother are exactly the same too. On the occasions that I have brought it up, he will take the incident as isolated and he will say "but I wanted to read her a book, what's wrong with that?" Or "I saw you from across the room and just wanted to hug you tight."
Of course, all these things isolated are fine in themselves, but when it happens so often and so repeatedly, especially when he is in the house and not at work and needs so much attention all the time, we can barely get through any routine without DH distracting heavily from it.
I'm not sure if he's just a childish, attention-seeking arsehole, or whether he has some other issue? What do you think?