DP and I have been talking marriage over the last couple of weeks and I've become a little worried that I'm going to be making a mistake...
DP is a nice man; we have a beautiful child together whom we both adore and we always knew that eventually we would marry. The time has come where life has settled down and money allows a wedding but I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing.
Is it normal for you to find your partner/husband less attractive when children come along? I don't mean in terms of just looks either, I feel I've lost all admiration for him as a person.
Since DD has come along, I've found DP to be increasingly frustrating, stubborn, lazy and very complacent.
The problems are:
His lack of ambition or motivation for anyhing- he leaves tasks not done or incompleted, the same goes for his attitude at work. He's known as a bit lazy but gets away with it because he's 'nice' I'm starting to wish he had more zest for life.
-everything gets left to me unless I request help with it. I have to write him a list of little jobs most weekends before he'll unglue himself from the sofa. I find it annoying that he can't think for himself and have the decency to give me a bit of head space.
-He allowed his DM to wreak havoc after DD was born and I lost a lot of respect for him. Again, I had to take control of the situation and persuading him to back me up was a huge headache.
-he doesn't talk. Unless it's trivial. He actually talks all the time, loudly about gossipy stuff- things I've no head space for. Yet getting him to talk about finances, future plans or anything of any importance is an uphill struggle.
- personal hygiene. For some reason, since the birth of DD I've seen a decline in DPs personal hygiene. He's never been a morning person but would rather lie in bed for an extra 5 minutes than shower. In the evenings, he would prefer to watch an extra 5 minutes of netflix than clean himself
- he has no sex drive. Before DD sex wasn't fantastic, but it was OK. We are both a little tired now having a toddler but again, DP would rather stay up and watch Netflix rather than make love to me...
- he makes very little effort with our relationship and unless it's me planning date nights in date nights out nothing gets thought about or planned. He's bored of listening to me complain about his lack of effort and so am I.
I love DP, but not sure if I love him romantically enough to marry him. I miss the excitement of our relationship before DD came along but fear that DP has fallen into the habit of little effort. I have my faults too and he is kind to me in general (makes me a cup of tea, buys me flowers every week after getting into the habit of going to the shop every Friday on his way home from work) but that's just it. He operates on autopilot 90% of the time and I'm growing concerned that its just not enough for me. I need him to make more effort with thinking and trying to think for himself.
I can hear people asking why I decided to have a child with him in the first place. Because I once wanted to spend my future with him, he once made an effort and there was once more time for procrastination. Life changes with a little one and I don't feel he's kept up with those changes. He's a wonderful hands on father, but I'm worried it's not enough. I don't find his behaviours or attitude to things very sexy or pro-active, I find him draining.
Is this normal life-with-a-young-child-relationship-blues or should I be concerned that marrying him could be a mistake?