I want a quiet life

[chocolatebiscuitsplease]

Hi, I am in a miserable marriage that is on its way out but suspect it's going to be a long and horrible process because my DH is a pig and I just want some friendship/support 😞

[TheSparrowhawk]

You have to remember too that he isn't like you. He enjoys yanking your chain - he gets pleasure from it. So, every time he tells you parenting is easy and you look upset that's a great result for him, it lets him know that he's hit his mark and that he should do that again in future.

The only way to deal with people like this is to be totally blank - do not react to anything, positive or negative.

[TwoLeftSocks]

It must be hard realising the man you loved, married and had children with if in fact a bit of an arsehole, and is directing a whole load of unfounded spite towards you. I can see why you're talking it personally, but that's also why you need to protect yourself emotionally too. I hope you're getting some good real life support.

And have you changed your locks? I don't know the legality of locking someone out of their own property, perhaps your solicitor could advise, but if he is threatening to come back home, the last thing you need is for him to be under the same roof.

[chocolatebiscuitsplease]

I am the constant parent so I deserve maintenance and a home for my DCs. I cannot change locks as he is joint owner. He is a flight risk in that the minute he has a sniff of a good deal he will be off. Today I receive a pitiful one liner about how he has no-one to share his great work experience with and how that hurts him. I told him to go share it with his birth family as they are so special to him - my skin thickens daily with the emotional abuse and now I am supposed to feel GUILTY??

[TwoLeftSocks]

What's that, think I can hear the world's tiniest violin playing for him.

He's just trying any tactic that might vaguely work isn't he. Glad you're staying strong and can see right through him.

[chocolatebiscuitsplease]

what can I say it's been a half pack of choccie bicky day the waistline is taking a slam but what can I do, give in to his emotional blackmail -I can see that he needs me back in my place so he can merrily go on his way but I refuse (she says reaching for the tin again) more tea??? X

[TwoLeftSocks]

A waistline you can recover.

You don't need anyone to tell you that you can never go back, and how shit it would be if he did 'put you back in your place', and because you know that, you'll get through this. Biscuits will definitely help.

[chocolatebiscuitsplease]

I know, this morning I wake up to 'fuck off'. How quickly he turns, I think I shall do just that!!

[Hissy]

The next time he tells you parenting is easy, ask him how e fuck would he know?..

Filter his messages to go to a hidden folder, get your friend to check them.

Ignore, don't engage at all

[TwoLeftSocks]

Have you had yet a whole day where you've not interacted with him or read any of his rants? Sounds like you could really do with it, and if you have then have the weekend off. Build up time where he isn't getting to you, it just sounds really wearing.

And if you can't stop yourself from checking then ask a friend to intervene and do something teccy so you can't look.

Hope you've got some nice plans for the weekend.

[chocolatebiscuitsplease]

I know I am a sucker for the victim mode all anxious to make it right and apologise, it's our familiar dance but I can't keep it up. My Dear Dad just reminded me that when I was younger he would say 'never listen to what a man says, watch what he does.'

[Imbroglio]

Good advice. (Wish I'd had your dad around when I was busy listening to bullshit with my eyes shut).

You're carrying a heavy load with your kids and everything else, while h=getting it in the neck. So not surprising you feel anxious.

[TwoLeftSocks]

Your Dad sounds very wise!

Recognise what you say yourself though too, you're always trying to make it right... Some things can never be made right when there are others always trying to make it wrong.

Make it right for you and your children, don't waste your energy on the wrong-uns.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

I like your dad. He's a Mumsnetter!

Hope you get some peace and quiet soon. KOKO.

[TwoLeftSocks]

Hey, how's it going? Hope you've had/ are having a good Easter hols.