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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend called me a sl*t

55 replies

Tryagain92 · 10/03/2016 22:26

He's always drinking but for some reason he talks crap when he does. Anyway we got into a disagreement about him finding work and he said I am not responsible enough to look after myself and I said is that an excuse not to work and i don't mean it in a terrible way just trying to say i am an adilt and csn look after myself. Now he keeps going on about how much he does for me, how I treat him like sht and then he kept saying I am always acting and sounding sltty and that i am a dirty sl*t which is not true because I've gone off sex anyway!! then he brought up termination i had a few years ago which absolutely hurts as that was the hardest decision ive ever had to make .

I am now pregnant in early trimester and he said that the baby is going to be deformed because i don't eat properly and i don't look after myself and I've ruined his life! I do eat and drink plenty of fluids, but symptoms make me feel very sick and tired and i take my folic acid and vit d! I have never cheated on him so no idea why he called me them horrible names like i am guilty of it.. I don't know what to do i feel really down and i have to face work tomorrow :'( we been together four years and this isn't the first time. He's done this to Me a few times now. Im pregnant. Emotional. and i really didnt expect this to happen. :'(

OP posts:
Mumof2twoboys · 11/03/2016 07:02

Please just take pregnacare or proper pregnancy vitamins. Those have the safe levels of vitamins in them but normal vit d is dangerous to take when you are pregnant.

Mumof2twoboys · 11/03/2016 07:04

Don't know what to advise, he sounds like a loser
Where does he get the money for alcohol? Maybe don't give him any. Say you are saving for the baby

DoreenLethal · 11/03/2016 07:05

Yes, - what they all said.

Tryagain92 · 11/03/2016 07:11

Mumof2boys the midwife said it is safe for me to take them. He gets the money from our bills account!

Thank you all so much. I stayed with a friend last night and had to call in sick at work today I literally couldn't face it. I cannot even stand to be near him or look at him right now. This is not how I expected my life to pan out at all :(

OP posts:
iyamehooru · 11/03/2016 07:23

Get rid, he sounds horrible.

mudandmayhem01 · 11/03/2016 07:41

Not being able to stand to be near him that's great, sounds like you are making the first steps to a new life for you and your baby.Flowers

Isetan · 11/03/2016 07:43

I mean this kindly, why the fuck are you with this arsehole? His drinking hasn't turned him into an arsehole, he's an arsehole sober it just appears that he thinks that his drinking gives him license/ an excuse to broadcast it.

If you wouldn't be happy about a future son turning into this man or a daughter being in a relationship with this man, then you know that you shouldn't be with this man either. It took becoming a mother to realise my standards weren't high enough.

Your bf's an arsehole but you already new that, so what are you going to do?

Mumof2twoboys · 11/03/2016 09:20

It's really not safe to take normal vitamins when pregnant. You have been given the wrong advice there

Atenco · 11/03/2016 16:49

Great OP, stay away from him. I was a single mother from the start and no complaints here. I and my baby were safe and able to enjoy ourselves without her asshole father ruining everything.

Tryagain92 · 11/03/2016 17:46

Wow he was so apologetic to me today and not only that he's only gone and threw away his whisky bottles and said he's giving up drinking! Pft.. Im still not going home just yet I am going out tonight to let my hair down (NOT drinking alcohol beverages!) just need to enjoy myself

OP posts:
ConkersDontScareSpiders · 11/03/2016 17:55

And you are with him....why exactly? Not ok for anyone to talk to anyone else like that.

turbonerd · 11/03/2016 18:08

Well, he'll be apologetic EACH time. The question is whether you would like to take all the abuse that is to come, just to hear all the excuses and sorries and "I didnt mean it but you made me do it"s that will be your life. Believe me, it is fucking miserable.
Get away from him, chuck him out, separate your finances and find other people who can help you with your baby.
Best of luck and enjoy your night out!

Mumof2twoboys · 11/03/2016 19:17

Why doesn't he work? Even people with no qualification can get a job in places like McDonald's, so no excuse for not working
Where does he get the money to buy whiskey?

RudeElf · 11/03/2016 19:19

You said boyfriend in your title but i assume an oversight and you meant ex boyfriend.

Because you have dumped him right? Because thats the only response to someone like him.

Anniegetyourgun · 11/03/2016 19:30

Looks like he realises he went too far and is reining it in a bit until you forget and climb back into the box. Long-term he won't be able to keep the nice act up, though.

amarmai · 12/03/2016 01:49

what is his plan for when you have his child? Is he planning to be a SAHF while you go back to work and keep him in the manner to which he is accustomed?

amarmai · 12/03/2016 01:52

wonder if he is accessing your mn account and that's why he is pretending to be SAHF material? Change your password op and don't buy the bullshit.

Summerlovinf · 12/03/2016 07:54

As others said....get the hell away from this loser

CreepingDogFart · 12/03/2016 09:51

Dump him now rather than waiting until it's more difficult.

dementedpixie · 12/03/2016 10:23

mumof2twoboys, vitamin d is perfectly safe in pregnancy (are you getting confused with vitamin A?). Vitamin d and folic acid are the two things it is recommended to take during pregnancy. No need for expensive branded tablets.

Bananalanacake · 12/03/2016 10:29

You say he doesn't work so where does he get the money for drink?

pallasathena · 12/03/2016 11:16

Classic. He's one of the new breed of so called 'men' who are for want of a better expression, emotional terrorists. He's terrified he'll have no one to feed him, give him money, a roof over his head that's why he's playing nice...rinse and repeat is the narrative here and you are supposed to be grateful!
Yeah right....
We've got one in my extended family and he started like your bloke...twenty six years ago. My SIL is still making excuses for him and their kids, late teens, won't lift a finger, nasty and sarcastic to her face as well. They've become mini-me's of their father. SIL is on anti depressants and doesn't want to break up the family. It isn't a family though, its a dysfunctional unit containing five very unhappy people. Its bloody sad.
Is this your future?

Lookatyourwatchnow · 12/03/2016 11:34

Emotional terrorist - good term.

OP, the ONLY response is to leave him. Not for a day, or a week. What do you think will happen if you stay in a relationship with him?

Mumof2twoboys · 12/03/2016 12:23

As long as she is taking the correct dosage but I had my baby 9 months ago and was warned by my consultant that over the counter vitamins are too strong to take when pregnant
I think they are worth they money tbf at least you know your baby is getting everything it needs