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Original poster

Almost sure partner cheated

40 replies

Haribogirl · 10/03/2016 19:03

So how do you get them to admit to it???

He does anything other than say YES I Have
I've even said I don't want to know who she is(although I'd love to know)
Why the f... Doesn't he admit it

We've been going through bad patch for past 18 mths, we go from getting on going out to us no speaking and him doing his own thing

NO KIDS, KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I STAND FIANCIALLY SO NO WORRIES THERE

I just wish that when I bring it up he'd just say no it's not working out, let's sell up!! But he's not he's saying nothing.
It's driving me mad, I need to know if there's any hope of us getting through this? If he wants too.
I do still love him, but if if loves somebody else then he can f... Off

I said your quite happy to see me walk through the door, and not put up a fight to stop me going. His answer was
How do you know that!!

Why won't he just talk(I know in the past it's got heated, and he hates feeling stressed out!!!) but he shouldn't be acting like a dick then.

I hate saying the dreaded words
WE NEED TO TALK
As he then says oh don't start again, I'm going out

I need to say something tonight it's heating me up inside

But what do I say????

OP posts:
haveacupoftea · 10/03/2016 19:08

Maybe he didn't cheat?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/03/2016 19:11

What makes you think that he has cheated?

RealityCheque · 10/03/2016 19:11

What makes you "almost sure"? More info needed.

notapizzaeater · 10/03/2016 19:16

Maybe he didn't - but tbh if you are so sure and aren't happy why are yiu even bothered ...... Move on

Original poster
Haribogirl · 10/03/2016 19:22

Because I found receipt for ladies watch!

I didn't get it
And when I asked he said it was for me, but took it back!

I'm bothered because I still love him(sad I know, but I can't just switch it off)

OP posts:
Original poster
Haribogirl · 10/03/2016 19:22

Oh I asked to see refunded receipt, threw it away(never throws anything away)

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/03/2016 19:27

Your choice is simple, really.

If you honestly believe that he is having an affair, then you have to go. He'll never admit it, you clearly can't live with him not admitting it, and he's showing you no respect. It's pretty much over anyway, you are delaying the inevitable.

If that's not an option, you need to accept that either he didn't cheat or you don't care if he did, and carry on. Stop questioning him and accept that he likely does have another woman but he won't admit it to you, and turn a blind eye in the hope that he doesn't eventually leave for the person he's buying gifts for.

The decision is yours, but you can't control him, so you can't make him tell you. You can only control what you do.

Bree85 · 10/03/2016 19:28

Your situation is really confusing. Why don't you leave if your not really sure or unhappy anymore?

Original poster
Haribogirl · 10/03/2016 19:37

I know I should leave, but it's what if I am wrong about OW
Because I don't know for definite !
And I think this is stopping me.

We do get on some of the time, it's when we don't and now the watch incident hasn't helped matters.

OP posts:
NutellaLawson · 10/03/2016 19:38

I left myhusband over ten years ago and he still wont admit cheating though the evidence is pretty clear (out all hours, hiding credit card bills, condoms in wallet, joining swingers group online, travelling for work and then getting home on a different day than his flight landing) I went mad looking for absolute proof until it dawned on me: it didn't matter anyway. His behaviour towards me was already the same as if he weren't interested in being married to me so what was the point.

Years later he still wouldn't admit it to me but I read a blog he kept. He admitted there years later: I wish I could say I never cheat.

I think its pride. They don't want to be put themselves into that category of cheating bastard.

Also, he may not actually love (or even like) her. Some men are quite happy to fuck an opportunity rather than a person, though the watch suggests some degree of emotion.

Look at the whole picture. Is there anything other than this watch incident yo make you not trust him? That on its own doesn't seem enough to me.

If he got a refund on a card purchase it'll be on tge statement. Ask to see that.

MsMims · 10/03/2016 19:39

Regardless of whether he has cheated or not (probably has, given behaviour around the watch) he doesn't care about your feelings and the upset he's causing you. You don't have to live with someone like that. If you have no ties, get out while you can, there's nothing to repair when the other person doesn't give a shit anymore.

Emmiy · 10/03/2016 20:12

I don't see that the watch/receipt thing is proof of cheating? You would need much more than that.
Does he keep his phone with him
Can you access it and his emails
Does he stay out late
Is he not kissing you properly
Is he behaving odd

Everything else you have mentioned seems like just the two of you equally not getting on.

Original poster
Haribogirl · 10/03/2016 20:14

He goes out every fri night
7-10.30
Goes out quite a lot for 2/3 hours a day 4/5 times a week

Credit card statement is online only
His name and don't know passwords etc
Also said he didn't pay by card!
Which he did because it's got card details on receipt !
Said he'd thrown refund receipt away

I hear what your saying!
And if it was me he wanted he'd be bending over backwards wouldn't he??

It's just so so hard my 1st husband did the same thing to me and I always thought it wouldn't happen again
I'm in bits, it's easy when it's not yourself involved

OP posts:
Emmiy · 10/03/2016 20:17

You have both not being getting on for 18 months. Both of you.
Maybe he just objects to the way you are grilling him over the watch. A watch doesn't really sound like an affair present though. Could be loads of reasons for it.

Do you actually have any other reasons for believing he is cheating?

OrianaBanana · 10/03/2016 20:23

If the watch was refunded, normally you do get a separate receipt but don't they cross out the original purchase on your original receipt too?

I have to say OP the relationship as it currently is does not seem to be filling you with joy. You have no kids, I'd walk. Flowers

Only1scoop · 10/03/2016 20:25

If watch was on card it would have been refunded on card.

Receipt immaterial

Ask to see proof on statement.

30andtired · 10/03/2016 20:29

It doesn't sound like you're happy in this relationship OP. In fact you sound in emotional turmoil.

I'd say the reason you think you love him and want it to work is because it's more a case of wanting to be loved because of the rejection he's shown you. You say you know he's cheated and have the watch receipt plus unanswered/not honest questions but if you look at it closed, it's clear you don't trust him.

It sounds like you haven't dealt with the way you was treated by your husband and have fallen into this relationship, which sounds similar, without having worked on yourself.

I'd get yourself some counselling and work on your self esteem and figure out why you're attracted to people who aren't good for your emotional health Flowers

Original poster
Haribogirl · 10/03/2016 20:46

I was on my own for 11 years before I met DP! So more than enough time to of dealt with the way ex husband was/did.
Absolutely world apart in each of them
Nothing like each other

He feels that I invade his privacy
If on return I ask where did he get to(genuine question just conversation, I say oh I went to ... Or I'm going to ...
I'm confused because he was never like this at one time that's why

I could just walk, but then I'd always be thinking
Was I right, was he really seeing somebody
Have I broke this up and I need not of done
It would play havoc with my head

Hence trying to get answer, does he want this relationship or not
I know he wants a quite life! (And not me giving him questions )But don't we all!.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 10/03/2016 20:52

If he paid by card theyd refund by card.

kittybiscuits · 10/03/2016 20:56

Ah...is that the husband I see minimising?

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 10/03/2016 21:06

"You have both not being getting on for 18 months. Both of you.
Maybe he just objects to the way you are grilling him over the watch. A watch doesn't really sound like an affair present though. Could be loads of reasons for it.

Do you actually have any other reasons for believing he is cheating?"

Did you mean this kitty? I thought the same, if so......

30andtired · 10/03/2016 21:13

It sounds like it's playing havoc with your head being in this relationship though

OrianaBanana · 10/03/2016 21:13

We can't tell you if he wants the relationship or not. He has to tell you, or better, show you. If you both haven't been happy for 18 months I think that's your answer.

kittybiscuits · 10/03/2016 21:22

Yes MyDarling that. Making out it's a 50-50 problem. Not impressed.

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 10/03/2016 21:31

Yep, total knob. Abusive, manipulative behaviour. Angry