Hello. I'm back. I swear I'm about to be banhammered - and yes, I fear it will cause actual, real, proper physical pain given I don't have a scooby-doo what banhammering means...but I'm on a warning.
SadWidow, as far as I recall, was not a part of Hobbit's Bar. The Bar was for women struggling to cope with relationship breakups - mostly, but not always, involving a long marriage. My understanding is that SadWidow is widowed - and that has caused a great deal of sadness for her. The loss of a family pet recently can only cause further pain. I'm a pet person - so I send my condolences.
I wish no one pain although I'm prepared to take a 'ban-hammering' right now.
I do know MrsC in real life. I don't call her MrsC. On occasion I have been known to call her "you fecking loon" - but mostly, I treat her with respect. She knows me. It's no big secret we 'met' via MN. It's clear as day our friendship occurred because we both endured big, bastard divorces. It is fair to say that MrsC has reciprocated in friendship as much as I have given.
It is even fairer to say - she's a fecking loon! No doubt she'll be along in a mo to return insults. But my life would be much, much, much less hilarious were she not a part of it. I've been to hell and back in the last two years - but she's one of many people who is 'my silver lining'.
Other MNetters can also take credit as well.
Anyway, once upon a time, I wrote some posts under the influence of gin/wine and grief. And on one of those threads I apparently made a very small person laugh.
Some MNetter told a diddy person to get their own thread. So she did. Then we all piled in to say "me too". Little person became a total legend.
Turns out she lived over the hill from me. So we met up several times too. She was proper brilliant, largely because she is proper brilliant in real life.
A person who used to be happy decided that they belonged in that bar. The rule of the bar was you could be happy, sad, pissed off, drunk, addicted to methadone or indeed a loon - we didn't give a shit, we just cared that you said "me too!" to the 'coping with a relationship break up happening'. By virtue of real life, wittysisms, geography and all sorts of other shit - peeps became friends.
Peeps had meet ups.
Not unlike the fact that me and MrsC went to court together! As in, we got to know each other via PMs, then phone/email and all sorts of other shit.
This didn't always happen though. On one occasion we got guilted into a situation. But given we were all hurting, we wished no one any further hurt, we took someone at face value.
But it takes the fucking biscuit when you 'adopt a family' and portray them as yours. The women who I have met via "hobbit's bar" deserve respect - and pretending to be one of them, when you're not, is not respect.
Moreover, the women, and men, who take time out to think about situations, and type out a thoughtful, considered contributions to help you see the situation you're having to cope with, deserve respect for contributing to humanity.
I never once asked for advice - but I got support in buckets. I'm the first to say it kept me going through the most horrific experience of my life.
So if you're trolling - then you're being inhumane.
If you troll because you hurt - well that's your reason. But I hurt too, and still do, but I use my hurt positively. That's my choice.
Please don't diminish it.
And that's my issue. MN are adamant that not being happy right now is not trolling. My point is, that actually, real life is depicted on MN - so please believe us when someone catfishes.
Because it will happen again.
And maybe next person won't be quite as resilient.