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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband has gone AWOL

60 replies

chelle792 · 06/03/2016 13:28

It's mother's day, my due date was supposed to be in two weeks and one day's time (mc at 11.5 weeks). Husband went out at 9.50 to pick up materials for work "for half an hour" with the dog.

He's not back yet.

I don't even think I'm worried - where the fuck is he?

OP posts:
chelle792 · 06/03/2016 20:26

We've had a lovely evening - Morrisons do some pretty nice bits you can just bung in the oven plus he brought wine so i'm pissed. Some of you have hit the nail on the head - he does tend to deal with things separately. I know he's finding it hard that my "due " is coming up. I've also had some pretty awful meltdowns where I've been quite nasty to him lately - sadly, it all seems to be baby grief but he's taking a lot of flack.

I don't need him to be tethered to me. Normally him disappearing for a while wouldn't be a bother but I'm feeling the loss pretty acutely at the moment and him being away from me is pretty hard. He's working away now on/off for the next six weeks and won't be around on the due date so that's going to be pretty tough.

I do know he's not coping great, also, he doesn't want to ttc for a while as it's all still pretty raw for him too. Sensitive type, my husband, I feel awful that I've let him down and hurt him so badly. I wish I never got pregnant in the first place

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 06/03/2016 20:29

You didn't let him down op at all, you may have missed my post on the previous page, but please don't feel any guilt.

If you want I will tell you what the doc said the us, if someone hasn't explained it to you.

chelle792 · 06/03/2016 20:38

aussie i saw it but ignored it on purpose Grin I've got a lot of guilt going on - things aren't the same since the mc and it's been a rough start to married life. I can' help but feel things were good before a conceived and have been shit since

it would be useful to hear, if that's ok?

off to see my therapist on Tuesday (i've been dragging DH along!) - it's probably something to discuss with her!

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 06/03/2016 21:19

No Problem I understand the raw emotions. Our worst was when friends announced their pregnancy, due the day after ours would have been. A lot of crying and some harsh words were said by us to each other then. ps I was pregnant again 3 weeks later.

So... I am not a science person but I am a teacher, so going into lecture mode. Sorry if I am repeating what you already know, and what I am about to say is a little simplistic, but it is the best way we understood it.

Each human has 46 Chromosomes. 23 from mum, 23 from dad.

We get our 46 when the sperm and egg meet and they combine.

But how do we get a cell (Sperm and egg) to only hold only 23 chromosomes? (told you lecture mode)

The cells that will become the sperm and egg copies its 46 chromosomes. So in one cell you have 2 lots of DNA, adding up to 92 chromosomes.

The cell then breaks up the 92 chromosomes into 4 parts (23 chromosomes).

These four parts are then placed inside a new cell (the egg or sperm)

So that is all well and good, as long as it works.

What happens ALL THE TIME is that the breaking up of the 92 chromosomes doesn't go well.

Think about when you photocopy something. Sometimes the copy is perfect, other times, there are little mistakes, or blurs, or faded spots.

Instead of making four lots of 23, sometimes the chromosomes don't separate properly. So in one cell you have 24, and (as a consequence) the other cell has 22. Or you might have 25 and 21.

So there are two eggs (OR TWO SPERM) that won't work from the moment they are created. And this happens A LOT. so you might have thousands of sperm (there are way more sperm then eggs) and hundreds of eggs that don't have the right number of chromosomes.

So when the sperm and egg meet. One might have 23 Chromosomes, and the other 24. so the baby will have 47.

In some cases that doesn't mean much. It is how people with Downs Syndrome are the way they are. And there are a few other conditions where the person has an extra Chromosome with varying degrees of consequences.

But it really depends on which Chromosome has been either duplicated or left out. In many cases the foetus doesn't have the right DNA to actually grow into a baby, or if it did, it would be severely handicapped or not live long.

Your body realises this and takes steps. Harsh but true. I hate to admit it, no matter how horrible the MC was, the situation was preferable to having lost it at birth, to late in the pregnancy. My heart breaks for parents who have had to endure that torture.

For me, understanding that either my DH's sperm or my egg could have been the one with the wrong number of chromosomes, took some of the guilt off of just me, and also that it was never going to happen from conception meant that I personally did not do something that caused it. especially as there is SO much out there about what you, as the mother, should do and eat or else, it is hard not to take some of that on board.

I hope that all makes sense, and sorry if I sound a little like I am lecturing you. Force of habit.

Again, my DH grieved along with me and in his own way. The doctors made a point of checking in with him, to ensure was ok as well.

Hope this helps

Joysmum · 06/03/2016 21:32

So you are both grieving and finding it difficult. He's not there for you and you're not there for him either. I really hope you can both break the ice, acknowledge you both hurt and that you need each other to cope better Flowers

Cabrinha · 06/03/2016 22:00

Oh the guilt! 😏 there's always something to feel guilty about. I was very concerned I'd have a MMC - not so much a MC, funnily enough. I never felt pregnant. As we drove to the routine scan I said to my then H "at least we know we can get pregnant". I'd wanted an early scan, but he hadn't. I didn't think I was psychic. How many women worry and it's fine? Loads! But also - I was going to hear about a MMC, my brain probably knew in a way I could interpret, not psychic stuff. So... my big guilt? (and I'm welling up telling you this, in sadness for what I went through rather than grief still for my baby) I felt that I'd never made my baby feel welcome, and if I had "believed" in them, they would have stayed.

I am a pretty scientific, logical, rational, intelligent woman! But the guilt... It's so so normal, it really is, whatever way it comes out. And it's also so misplaced. You'll get there lovey, keep talking it through with your therapist. It wasn't your fault. And how you've both reacted afterwards and the impact on your relationship isn't your fault either. It may be something you want to change together - but it's just life, and grief, and you're not to blame Flowers

chelle792 · 07/03/2016 07:07

aussie thankyou so much for taking time to type that.

joysmum you're right on that one - it'll divide us otherwise.

cabrinha I had a scan just before I miscarried, development was showing at 7 weeks when I was supposed to 12. Just before seven weeks I had a dream that the baby died. I woke up and told dh the baby was dead. I ignored that for five weeks until I lost the baby

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Cabrinha · 07/03/2016 07:52

I'm sorry chelle72 - I've been told that 6-8 weeks is a particularly common period for loss. Mine was around 6 they thought, at 12 week scan. It really is devastating.
I'm not surprised by your dream. I don't think there's anything psychic to it - just that our brain is able to interpret changes in our bodies that we're not consciously aware of.

chelle792 · 07/03/2016 07:56

I agree with you on that one - I think my body sensed it. I do feel a lot of guilt that I ignored it.

Then I was excited as I got closer to 12 weeks as I knew the pregnancy would have a greater chance of being ok.

The extra five weeks of hope and excitement...

I dunno, this has turned into a woe is me thread. Not my usual style, sorry.

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 07/03/2016 08:13

There was nothing you could have done, even if you had asked for a scan.

I also had a mmc. Had a scan at 6w3days and all good. Started bleeding at 8 weeks. Scan showed growth to 6w 6days. I felt very betrayed by that. Those weeks being excited and it wasn't to be.

I was a real worry wart during my pregnancy. Paid for extra scans to put me at ease.

Maybe have a talk to someone about your guilt. That's a horrible thing to have to deal with on top it actually happening. Especially if it is affecting your relationship with your Sh.

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