Have You Ever Left Someone Because You Couldn't Handle Their Disability/Condition Anymore?

[GirlInASwirl]

This is probably going to raise a few eyebrows...but it's life. So let's crack on...

I got involved with someone who has recently been diagnosed with a form of high-functioning Autism. We have been together for just over 5 years. I knew he was different from the moment that we met; but that didn't necessarily put me off. We are on opposite paths in almost everything we do/think about.

Underneath the condition; he has been a nice guy. I get occasional glimmers of him liking me - a bit. Most of the time though; being with him is extremely hard work physically and emotionally. Every conversation shows how different we are to each other. And most lead to arguments. He has to win and there is no compromise! I want a quiet life (see there's one opposite straightaway!).

I was expecting over time that there would be some movement towards a middle ground; but that hasn't really happened.

I am starting to realise that maybe I could only live with his condition if there was some form of change (even if just a morsel). we tried to access support services but there is no help in our area. I have been told he can't change- and I can't accept things as they are now. I hate the idea of having to leave him because of his condition; but in reality when that condition batters you every day - what can I do?

Any advice?

Apologises for not checking in during the week. We have had PIP assessments for partner this week. Hope he can get some support. Fingers crossed.

Interesting debate on whether people with ASD have a tendency to want to win arguments. Everyone with ASD has slightly different behaviours and there will be debates even between couples that already have NT/ASD relationships as to what 'typical' ASD men are like. It's just such a broad-ranging scale.

I do believe that if your partner has a tendency towards a lack of empathy/arrogance/self-servicing; they can be much more determined to win an argument - at all costs. My partner also does not see a need to 'make things right' again after and argument (which is something that most NTs need to feel better). I do think that the level that my partner needs to win is beyond the range that a stubborn man would possess.

I also think that sometimes we have to be careful; many partners to those with ASD find it incredibly difficult to express the difficulties presented by the behaviour of their partners. A common reaction when asked is that we can only give surface commentary on what bothers us everyday. In these circumstances; many things may just sound like 'typically male behaviour'. This could be seen as downplaying the trauma that is being caused. From my point of view; I could probably sit all day and discuss my partners behaviour - but every appointment that is attended is in a much shorter timeframe. How do you 'sum' up ASD on forty minutes? (answers on a post card please!).

I would like also to thank Lottie for her contribution. As the original post suggests; this conversation is open to everyone that is experiencing difficulty because of a partners illness/condition/disability. I have every empathy for what you are going through. It must be emotionally very demanding (particularly when you also have a child with possibly the same condition). Please do keep coming in and sharing with us. We are here to support and who knows - we may have the occasional bud of wisdom?