Adult temper tantrums... How normal are they?

[EasyToEatTiger]

I don't think it is particularly normal to lash out. Am I wrong?

What do you mean by lash out? Physical violence is never good.

Some adults do have them.

But what do you classify as an adult tantrum?

Has someone lashed out at you?

It's nasty, not normal

Yes, clarify. I very occasionally have lost it with the kids and have a screaming fit which isn't great. But other than that - no tantrums with partner or other adults. Though, first few years of being together was a lot more highly emotional with outbursts and we lost control occasionally.

Shouting, verbal abuse. On and on. Out of control.

I threw my plate of food on the floor last week..... I am thoroughly ashamed of myself (no kids present) but it's a total one off and the person who I was arguing with apologised for their part in it too.

Think it depends on context?

Not normal. Not acceptable. Not ok.

Sorry, cross posts. No, I don't think your situation is normal. Are you okay?

Not really normal no.

When I was much, much younger I broke things. Decades of therapy have put paid to that! I have been trying to contact Women's Aid and I have been in touch with family shrink.
He told me that losing his temper is normal. Hmm. It is sooo destructive. He is also without shame.

Kids have temper tantrums. But when adults have them, it's psychological, cause we should be in control of our own emotions as adults. Its damaging to everyone around us. Not normal or healthy in any relationship.

No it is not normal to have temper tantrums. Does he have temper tantrums at work or with friends or just with you?

Just at home. He called dd psychopathic once. Luckily the shrink put him in his place. Not sure he was listening to her though.

Normal to lose your temper sometimes, and maybe occasionally to say something you might not really mean. Not normal to shout, verbally abuse, or do any kind of physically aggressive or threatening thing.

Who is having the temper tantrums? Is it you?

The reason I ask is that I used to have temper tantrums when I was married to my exh. I used to feel very ashamed. I have never had a temper tantrum with my new dh or in any other context.

No I don't think I do lose control. My husband blames me for his outbursts and tells me I have a bad temper. He loses it, and blames my family, has called me a cunt amongst other things. It is not nice. He also walked out. Well, stormed off.

There's a big difference between a one off reaction and going on and on out of control. The first isn't desirable (understatement), the second is not normal.

He has been told he is depressed. What is the difference between clinical depression and sulking in order to control? I now suspect his depression is more about control than a disordered mood. I don't know.

Yes that's not a temper tantrum that's abuse.

Hi, I read your other thread. Did u say he's had 20yrs of counselling? Well if he's still having outbursts and behaving inappropriately after all of that then I would split up personally.
It should never become the norm in a relationship and it sounds like he's beyond help if he can't even take responsibility and always blames you or anyone else but himself.
I'm assuming he's had Anger Management in this time too? I couldn't live in this sort of environment and it's unfair to subject kids to it also.
He will never change. Why don't u tell him u wanna end it?

Type Abuser Profiles in the search box above, scroll down to Addicted and Mentally Ill Abusers. You may recognise your 'depressed' partner there

I'll take a look. Thank you. I have contacted the psychiatrist and let her know that I think I am married to someone who doesn't like women.

He could be depressed and he could be abusive.
He does seem abusive from your description.
I gather he's been in treatment. Has it made any difference to his behaviour?

Depression is a terrible thing.

It doesn't cause or excuse the behaviour you're talking about. Ask yourself if he's talk to his boss like that. If the answer is no, he can help it.

Since he has been in therapy his behaviour has worsened. No he would never never fly into a rage at work or he would never work again. I think he uses his therapy to justify his behaviour. Anyway, the psychiatrist works with his therapist so may have words I hope. I have spoken to WA and have a few numbers, so I will spend my next bit of time gathering support and hopefully feeling less alone and isolated. I have bugger all family support. My siblings and parents are beyond crap. It is awful and terrifying to realise that I am repeating my mum's relationship.
But this time it's me.