Submissive

[juicemyapple]

Hi there! I have a FWB - no intention of having a serious relationship with him. He has a very high sex drive. I find that even just 5 minutes in his company - gives me a HUGE buzz and that being with him - is one of the best feelings I've ever had. However - he is asking me to do things that I initially think are risky (meeting up with other couples he has found on the internet for sex). I say no initially. But it turns me on, and then I find myself agreeing. Is this dangerous? I can't understand why I am behaving in this way?

As I don't get the impression that you're coming from a place of sexual liberation, it seems to me you're best advised to seek counselling to work out why you feel compelled to engage in activities that may compromise your physical, sexual, and emotional health or worse as strangers, whether on the internet or elsewhere, are not always what they claim to be.

Seek RL help.

Does he badger you to do these things and then you cave in? Or does he suggest things then accept your refusal and then YOU decide you want to try it?

He doesn't push me at all. He suggests - he says that he doesn't want to 'cause me trouble or stress'. Then I decide I want to try it.

Would you jump off a cliff if he asked you to ?

Do you not have a mind of your own, do what YOU want to do not what someone else is trying to coerce you.

He wouldn't ask me to do that. It's about sex - not killing myself.

I have never considered doing these things. But I am now considering them - because of him.

He doesn't push me at all. He suggests - he says that he doesn't want to 'cause me trouble or stress'. Then I decide I want to try it

If you are doing what you want to do, where is your problem?

Really?? I DO want to do it!! I think I want someone to tell me off....

I think godessofsmallthings has given you some very good advice.

Be submissive if you want to but don't do anything you may later regret.

Anyone want to join us?

Sorry - I'm joking.

Maybe you should PM me phequer.

Uh oh. Have you tried Fetlife? You might have more luck over there TBH.

Err - Tony. I have never heard of this before. How come you have?? Dodgy.

If you want to do and feel good about doing it, then what is your question here?

I have no intention of 'growing up'.

TBH - I suddenly feel VERY good about doing it. Thanks mumsnetters - you have helped me a lot!!

Nowt wrong with partners suggesting new things at all. My DH and I have both grown together as a sexual partnership because of it. We also both feel under no pressure to do as suggested, 'two ticks in the box' as we'd say

So, this is truly what YOU want to do for YOU, you need to make sure you're safe.

You'll need to go on whatever you chosen site is and vet those you're meeting as best you can, maybe try a few meets without sex on the cards so you can judge the others, but do so in a public place and keep safe.

Just as important though, you need to think about what you'll do and what's out of bounds. You need to be sure that you can say no at any point without feeling silly, guilty or frightened to. Everyone has their line in different places so you need to be clear on yours and theirs.

Often the fantasy becomes less satisfying in reality as attraction isn't there or others are out to take pleasure, not give it.

Last of all, think about how you'd feel about yourself if you did, are you really this sort of person?

Joysmum - what a great post. Thank you! I watch porn, have strong fantasies and love sex. I've always thought of his suggestions as 'taboo' - but now I think - as long as I am super careful - why not? Your suggestion to meet in public, vet them carefully first - is right, and what I intend to do.

I feel like he is broadening my horizons, but I trust him.

But - yes. I need to decide on my boundaries. I've already said no - to being watched by another man. And he didn't push that any further.