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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please someone talk to me im falling apart

75 replies

whatamerryxmas · 04/03/2016 01:49

Is anyone up? Pls somebody talk to me ive just found my boyfriends profile online wish id never looked now i dont know what to do im shaking and keep being sick
Ive got so much going on in my personal life atm i cant take this aswell

OP posts:
SoThatHappened · 04/03/2016 03:23

I wasnt even on the site at all i just typed his name, age and hometown into google and the profile popped up

Neat. Will remember that one!
Full name?

Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 04/03/2016 03:45

Nope just his 1st name age and hometown

OP posts:
Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 04/03/2016 04:29

Ive just been on the actual search bit of the site and found him and it says online today :( cant stop crying i dont know what to do

OP posts:
Atenco · 04/03/2016 04:47

OP, I am so sorry that this has happened to you, but you are too isolated and it sounds like he has contributed to your isolation. Abusive people like to isolate their partners because they realise how little real value they have and that that is the only way we will appreciate them, because there is no-one else.

However, getting these people out of our lives means that we can start to rebuild our social lives again and that can't be bad.

Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 04/03/2016 16:44

Thank you for replying im so gutted,
Have spoken to him today and didnt mention it as want to confront him face to face about it he was really ott on the phone calling me his princess etc hes not smart enough to know ive found him out but he must be able to tell im being offish with him

OP posts:
CheeseDreams · 04/03/2016 19:13

Just read your post, how awful. How are you feeling now?

CheeseDreams · 04/03/2016 19:17

I know this is an awful time but you can also see it as a fresh start or a new beginning. You can choose a new job that you like , you could take your 3 yr old to some baby groups to meet other mums or if the little one is in nursery you could join some groups or even just go for a walk. Write a list of all the things you would love to do and make a plan to try one thing a week.

Your DP sound like a twat but I guess you already know that. Be strong, even of you do feel it, act it, it's amazing how taking control of your life can make you feel good about yourself.

You deserve to be happy

CheeseDreams · 04/03/2016 19:18

*even if you don't feel it.

Bloody fat fingers!

Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 04/03/2016 23:32

Hi cheesedreams.... i feel awful tonight but had a bottle of wine which prob hasnt helped...rookie mistake!
I have spoken to him a couple of times briefly and pretended everything ok ( as i want to confront him face to face ) and hes being ott nice for now!
Scared shitless about the reaction when i do confront him tho i know it shouldnt matter but i want him to care and not be relieved if that makes sense? I dont want 2 yrs of heartache hoping things will one day get better to end in the confirmation that he never gave a crap in the 1st place
That thought is too gutting to comprehend atm after some of the stuff ive stuck by him through

OP posts:
Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 05/03/2016 21:28

Cant stop crying tonight does anyone want to chat????

OP posts:
IonaNE · 05/03/2016 21:35

OP, didn't want to run. I'm sorry you are going through this. Are you sure that confronting him face to face is safe?

TimeIhadaNameChange · 05/03/2016 21:54

Don't think I've ever said this on here but please, LTB.

You're not totally isolated, you have everyone here. We're standing with you. You can get through this.

Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 05/03/2016 23:19

I spoke to him briefly i was in tears as had such a bad couple of days torturing myself what he was upto when he completley blanks me and goes uncontactable he finally answered tonight tho ive been trying all day n night but he just answered to say he was off out with his mates so cant talk yet again tonight but may pop in for an hr tomorrow if i get off his fucking back :(

OP posts:
Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 06/03/2016 00:36

Anyone up to talk to????

OP posts:
stargirl04 · 06/03/2016 01:37

Hi Merry, I'm up. Hope you're okay hun x

user1457228608 · 06/03/2016 01:48

Hi, I'm up if you wanna chat?

ItsMe1985 · 06/03/2016 01:52

Hi if you need a chat let me know :)

Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 06/03/2016 01:53

Hi all thanks for replying im falling apart a bit tonight :(

OP posts:
Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 06/03/2016 02:02

I sent him a couple of msgs earlier after him saying that he still couldnt talk to me as i was holding him up from getting out on the piss... told him that i dont feel like i mean anything to him etc i poured my heart out by whatssap as he doesnt ever have time to talk to me and all i got bk was a msg hrs later saying u ok babe....
I havent replied and anyone who knows me knows what a massive thing that is as i never ignore him however awful he acts but i havent even got the strength to work out what to reply n i know hes not actually asking if im ok its just a shitty token gesture msg so he can say see i did msg u when i was out with my mates
I need to have a conversation with him sometime n tell him what i found out but i havent got the strength n he said hes coming round tomorrow
Im sorry if im ranting my head is such a mess.... i dont know what to do about tomorrow and im gutted how much hes broken me that i get so worried about not replying to 1 msg when he ignores 99% of mine

OP posts:
TheSinkingFeeling · 06/03/2016 02:19

It's awful when you find out about something like this, it happened with an ex of mine too.

Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 06/03/2016 02:21

I dont even know how to confront him about it????

OP posts:
TheSinkingFeeling · 06/03/2016 02:27

Is there a possibility that he could get nasty or violent?

daisychain01 · 06/03/2016 02:33

If I were you I wouldnt confront him, merry. Place distance between yourself and him. Otherwise he will just tell you and bunch of lies and hoover you back in again. Get rid, honestly.

Use every bit of strength to prepare your plans for a bright future without someone who has an online profile, is disrespectful to you, goes out on the piss etc etc.

You aren't tied financially or practically to him, if you aren't living g together so that makes it a helluva lot easier. You will look back in the future and say to yourself thank goodness I dodged that bullet.

Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 06/03/2016 02:41

Erm no i dont think he will get violent ... i cant just not say anything about what i saw though its eating me up inside

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Original poster
whatamerryxmas · 06/03/2016 02:44

Im lay here covered in bruises tho from the "showing me whos boss" sex he seems to want now worrying if hes ok or if hes shagging someone right now its so fucked up that i even care but i do so much :(
I want to hate him but i dont and i dont know why....how can i make myself stay just angry rather than hurt?

OP posts: