Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

we are moving to a refuge

40 replies

freedom100 · 01/03/2016 09:40

Hi I am 23 years old with two children. After experiencing severe domestic violence from the father of my children AGAIN even though social services deemed him safe to be having contact with the children and told me to resume their contact.. I have decided to flee. Women's aid have found me a refuge, it's a 2 hour drive from where we live now ( I asked for it to be far away) I am so happy that I know I'm going to be getting away but also terrified! I have so many worries and questions. What happens to my council house and all my stuff as I can't take it with me? What about my two dogs? What can I take and what support is there for me and the children? Does anyone have experience of being in a refuge? Will they help me get housed closer to where I used to live when I'm ready to leave? So I'm not so far from my family in the end? I will have my own flat with my own kitchen and bathroom and 2 bedrooms ... Will it take long to get my 6 year old into a school?? So much to do so little time. They want me to go tomorrow . Any advice welcome please xxxxxx

OP posts:
winchester1 · 01/03/2016 09:43

Sorry I cant advise other than to say good luck and maybe you should ask to get this moved to the relationships board to find people with experience and advice.

Just report your own post and ask hq to move it for you.
Flowers

Original poster
freedom100 · 01/03/2016 09:47

Okay thank you I'm new to mums met, how do I report it? Xx

OP posts:
Mummamayhem · 01/03/2016 09:47

There should be a support worker allocated to you when you arrive who can help with all of this. Also if your children have a social worker, they should be assisting you in talking with schools etc. But the only thing that matters here is that you and your children are safe. Take crucial stuff if you can, passports etc and any very special things for the children and then go. Go sooner if they'll take you.

Original poster
freedom100 · 01/03/2016 09:48

Found it X

OP posts:
traviata · 01/03/2016 09:49

definitely ask to move to relationships board on MN, there is much good support there.

Try charities for dog fostering whilst you are in temp accommodation.

Tell your housing officer that you are moving to a refuge. Later you can start a claim to have the council house tenancy transferred to your sole name.

Original poster
freedom100 · 01/03/2016 09:49

We don't have a social worker, but I have rang ss myself and informed them of what's happening. My boys were on a child in need but it was closed at the end of last year X

OP posts:
kalidasa · 01/03/2016 09:49

I reported this for you to say you'd like it moved.

Original poster
freedom100 · 01/03/2016 09:51

Thank you kalidasa xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
freedom100 · 01/03/2016 09:54

The council house is already in my soul name? But I didn't know if I would have to give up my house? As housing benefit will be paying some of my rent in the refuge, and surely they don't pay for two places? I can't even ring the refuge and ask because I don't have the number , I'm not even allowed to know the address til I get to the area and someone picks me up xxx

OP posts:
MNHQ
BeccaMumsnet · 01/03/2016 09:59

Hi all - we'll pop it over to relationships now.

DottyBee · 01/03/2016 10:05

In exceptional circumstances housing benefit may be paid on two properties. It would be best if you contacted your housing benefit office for further advice.

ItIsHowItIsx · 01/03/2016 10:06

Can't offer advice, but I want to wish you the very best of luck. I hope you and your children get the support and advice you need. xxx

Friendlystories · 01/03/2016 10:10

Can't offer any useful advice on your other worries, am sure there will be knowledgable posters along soon but know Dogs Trust offer fostering for people suffering domestic violence so definitely give them a call. If you have no joy with them I have contacts in various areas who work in dog rescue, if you felt comfortable letting me know your general area by private message I'd be happy to ask around to try to find someone to foster your dogs til you're settled in your own place. Obviously can't guarantee anything but I can certainly try. Well done for getting yourself and your children out of what sounds like a horrendous situation Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 01/03/2016 10:14

Once you get to the refuge they can help you with all your questions.
Well done on taking action to protect yourself and you DC.
That takes a lot of strength.
I really hope this is the start of better life for you all.
Good luck.

thecatneuterer · 01/03/2016 12:21

Dogs Trust Freedom Project: www.moretodogstrust.org.uk/accessing-our-service/accessing-our-service

PoundingTheStreets · 01/03/2016 12:28

Good luck. Flowers

Original poster
freedom100 · 01/03/2016 12:31

Hi everybody thank you for all your kind words and advice xxx it turns out that housing benefit will be payed for me at the two properties which I am gobsmacked by! How amazing and helpful is that. I thought I would have to give up our home. I have rang dogs trust and also rspca but nowhere has space for the next 3-4 weeks regardless of the circumstances. Fern if u could send me a message I would happily give u an idea of the area we are in as if really prefer not to regime the dogs so any help would be appreciated so much! Xxx

OP posts:
madein1995 · 01/03/2016 12:45

Good luck Flowers

In terms of what to take, take as much as you want but don't worry if you can't take everything. Important things like passports, birth certificates, are the priority. The refuge should have clothes, bedding, toiletries etc available for you if needed, I know we do. They'll give you a lot of support, both practically and emotionally, and will help get children into school, registered at doctors, show you around town, etc etc. There will most likely be child workers there who will do activities with the children too. All refuges have different policies, but I'm sure the worker who meets you will be able to answer your question. For now, focus on getting you and the children out.

Friendlystories · 01/03/2016 12:58

Have PM'd you OP.

bookwormish · 01/03/2016 12:58

Depending on which council you are with, you should find that your housing officer can offer you advice and support about what to do next with regards to your council house - you certainly won't have to give it up if the tenancy is in your name but you could be moved home for your safety. If you decide to move they can support you to as well as the support workers at the refuge, so do get in touch with them as soon as you are able to do so. The refuge will have all this information and more anyway, good luck.

Flowers
PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 01/03/2016 12:59

Just wanted to weigh in with, good luck & well done!

GinIsIn · 01/03/2016 13:05

Good luck OP! Is there a friend or family member who could take the dogs in just until you find your feet? Also, it might be worth contacting your vet to see if they can suggest anything.

fondationmaeght · 01/03/2016 13:11

Wishing you best of luck. Future begins now

DoBananasWearPajamas · 01/03/2016 13:12

Just wanted to wish you luck x

Original poster
freedom100 · 01/03/2016 13:29

Can't stop crying but happy tears! This is a new start and a chance at happiness that I thought I'd never get. Thank you everybody. Xx

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread