SoThatHappened, we've breifly 'met' on another thread. I was happy to see your original post this morning as I have a couple of opinions on this man and how you could perhaps make inroads at moving past this.
Lets look at some of his 'attributes':
- Inability to stay faithful
- Self pitying
- On again/off again cycle in other relationships
- Moody
- Problems at work (someone else's fault me guesses?)
- Ruthless dumping of women
- Lack of empathy (and that's the biggest warning sign)
In my opinion and bearing in mind I only have a snap shot, from your side, I strongly suspect that what you have been dealing with here is someone with some narcissistic personality traits. I know the term narcissist is one we see bandied around a lot on this forum, but from what you've told us about this man, I really think he might be one. He may not be a fully fledged narcissist, they are rare, but some of what you say had my Narc-Alarm ringing. I've had the pleasure...
The life cycle of a narc is one of idealise, then devalue, then discard. After this, and if he feels he isn't getting enough attention (or source) elsewhere, from his new 'victim' he will do what they call in the bizz, hoover. This is when we swoops in for another cycle with someone he previously discarded. Depending on the length of the cycle, his new GF could still be in the idealise stage, or maybe he's begun to devalue. The point is, never, ever, feel jealousy towards her. If he is what I suspect him to be, she is in for a world of pain with this hollow shell of a man. The truth is, he can never truly love anyone. He is not capable. He can never love her, he could never love you. The only person he cares about is himself. And even that is debatable as I think most, if not all narcs, actually hate themselves deep down. There is a wealth information on narcissists out there so perhaps you could do some reading and see if any of it rings true for this half-man.
The thing is; once you have established that this is what he is, you will see that his treatment of you is absolutely nothing to do with you. It is him. This is how and what he is. You could have done nothing to change this. He is simply incapable of love or having a healthy relationship. Maybe he never gave you the title of GF because you were not an easy target. Maybe he saw that you would not be easily fooled. Or maybe it was just because this new woman has given him better source than you. Mabye she strokes his ego better. Mabye he possesses attributes that are particularly attractive to his particular penchant of narc-ness. Who knows? You will never know. So don't even try to figure it out, because you will never understand the weirdness that goes on in a narc's mind. Thank fuck for that, I say. They are sad, sad, people. He will never be happy. It isn't in his make up. And whatever woman or women he is working on will certainly never be happy either.
It might be hard for you to believe , but you really had a lucky escape. If you were to ask any women here with past relationships with narc partners for their experiences, I would imagine it would cement how lucky an escape you had. They are poison. Remember; idealise, devalue and discard. Take the discard, cling on to that mother fucker and be thankful he didn't do worse.
And finally and most importantly, I'm not sure of the situation, if you are still in touch, but you need to go completely no contact with this parasite. Delete all details, numbers, facebook, everything. The day might come when he tries to hoover you. This is not a compliment, SoThat. This is him saying to you that he knows he can pick you up, toy with you and drop you at will. Don't give him the chance. Nothing hurts a narc more than being ignored. Take back control. You've spent long enough crying over this tosser. In this instance the old adage of 'it's not you it's him', has never rung more true. It is him.