My Ex has had a baby with his GF. The baby arrived in the early hours of yesterday morning whilst my DS was at his DF's for contact from Fri pm - Sun pm. He arrived home very excited about his new sibling and I shared in that with him. He said that his DF's GF was going to text him a photo (of him holding the baby at hospital (yesterday afternoon)) for him and to show me.
After about 20 mins of being home he became upset as on checking his phone, no photo as yet. I said to give it time for all the practical reasons children don't understand... she may be feeding/changing the baby etc in hospital - no phones.
Then he started complaining about the fact he'd had to spend 2 nights at his grandma's (was taken there minutes after me dropping him off on Friday) and has only seen his DF for about 5 hours (visiting at hospital and journey back to me today). He then also got further upset as he won't be at their house when the baby comes home tomorrow and that his DF's partners DS is going to get to spend more time with the baby day-to-day as DS lives with me and goes there EOW (There's a Court Order in place).
I explained his DF had to be on hand this weekend to help support his GF whilst she had the baby but he was still upset. I wouldn't have minded if he had stayed an extra night (Sunday) and had Monday off school but my ex did not ask me. The whole baby thing has been a bit cloak and dagger (as far as me being kept directly informed) I even learned of the pregnancy via my DS.
My DS was told on the phone last Weds that the baby was going to be born on Thursday or by Friday at the very latest. When I dropped my DS Friday pm I was not told whether baby had already arrived or not so I left assuming baby was already here meaning DS would have the whole weekend at home with his new sibling. My DS had not seen his DF for 4 weeks because the last time he was due to go my ex asked me (the day before) not to take him as he thought the baby was coming... so best he stay with me. During this time my ex barely contacted my DS to keep him informed and this lead to confusion... don't come - - baby on way... and now baby now arrives 4 weeks later... and DS ends up being looked after whilst ex at hosp with GF and impeding birth. Precisely what I thought he was trying to avoid for him the time he said not to take him. This now confirms it really was about not being bothered to take him to a trip our DS was scheduled to go on on during the last contact weekend with his DF.
I have told my DS that I am more than in agreement that he can see his DF and new sibling anytime. All his DF needs do is arrange with me when, travel to DS on his day off work with the baby and take him for tea after school (AIBU to suggest this?). I naturally feel for my DS, but at the same time it is not my responsibility to undertake travel (which would be at my expense) to facilitate the relationship with the new baby. I'm still exhausted from almost two years family court proceedings my ex started.
Any advice from anyone who's gone through similar would be grately appreciated. I'm obviously here emotionally for my DS but I also feel that my ex has not handled this very well (in discussions with our DS direct) and I feel like I'm having to pick up all of the emotional pieces.
My DS has other half siblings with his DF who are sigificantly older but from two other independant relationships. He sees one occasionally but the eldest he knows of but has not ever met as his DF has no contact.
Thanks in advance.