Another porn story

[Bubblegum28]

Ok so I know this has been done before but I just need to get it off my chest. Went to use dh phone yesterday as mine was dead and discovered he had been watching porn. This has happened once before and when I asked him about it he blamed his nephew and said it must of been him. This was in my early pregnancy and he knew I didn't like it, he promised it wasn't him and he wasn't like that. I really thought he wasn't but there's no blaming his nephew this time as they haven't seen each other for months. I'm now 7 months pregnant and feeling very insecure about myself and my body, and knowing my other half is getting off looking at other perfectly shaped women really really upsets me I haven't said anything to him yet as I don't want an argument and I know a lot of people have different views on this but I for one do not think you should have to watch porn if you have a perfectly good relationship at home. Am I over reacting? It's not just that it makes me look at him in a while new light and at the moment I can't even bare him touching me

Thank you so much for your Male Perspective. "cheer up Love, at least he's not out f*king some prossie - could be worse eh?"
Gotta love the porn debate, the same old clap trap every time.

To the Op, you don't have to accept anything you dislike or that hurts you in a relationship.

"I'm not sure how we justify the exceptions-with difficulty"

Try harder.

You think your orgasm is worth the risk you are watching the sexual abuse of a vulnerable person ? You are part of the fucking problem, mate.

Depressing.

Well people who go snooping rarely find anything that makes them feel better.

Most adults use porn, and whilst you are entitled to feel that it is wrong, he is equally entitled to feel that it is ok to do it.

So what happens now OP?

Penny, you do realise the OP is 7 month pregnant - but that's ok, it's normal cos all adults use porn - no they don't.

If he thought it was ok why is he lying about it then.

I didnt say all adults use porn. Please re read my post.

Yes I realise OP is pregnant. I know when I was that far along sex was way down my list of priorities and if dh needed an orgasm and I wasnt up to it then him sorting himself out (with or without the use of porn) wouldnt have bothered me.

The OP snooped in his phone. She found something she doesmt like. So im asking her, what now?

Now OP is in full possession of the facts and can make a decision without being put in the dark by someone lying to her.

Perhaps her H is the one who needs to be placed in the position of "what now" ?

We don't all think porn is ok and want it in our life, the OP sure as hell doesn't and is perfectly entitled to feel that way. I think it's the highest disrespect you can pay your partner, in pregnancy especially.

If her OH decides porn is more important than her feelings, then clearly he's an arsehole.

She didn't snoop by the way, read again, and it's the second time he has lied to her about it, hardly the actions of someone who thinks it's ok.

I would say 99.9% of healthy men who use the internet watch porn.

Reading some of the responses on this thread, some men are obviously better than others at hiding it from their wives.

Some questions are best not asked:
Do you watch porn
Am I your biggest
Have you ever thought what's it like to have sex with my friend.

Another question: how do you know if someone is not doing porn by choice and does that make any difference to your enjoyment of it ?

So is the 1% the unhealthy man?

Ludicrous estimation.

0.1 %. Just correcting you there before arse gets in there first

The issue here to my mind isn't the use of porn in itself.

It would not be such a lucrative industry if there was no huge demand and use of it. Not all men or women use porn but in my experience (I work in MH and it comes up a lot when the use has become problematic ) many men and women do use it. And often, the men who claim to their partner or the world that they have no interest in it, are opposed to it due to exploitation etc do feel that they believe that but still use it when the urge takes them. And some don't feel guilty but many do.

I don't think there's usually a belief that women should look like that or behave like that. There are many well educated, worldly and successful men who don't believe that at all but to them it is literally 'wank fodder'. I know that's a crude term but that's how they view it. So I think any woman fearing their partner is using porn because they as a partner aren't 'enough' or not attractive enough etc are wrong. I don't think it's about that. For many, it's a cheap and easy thrill which serves a purpose to get them to orgasm. Some people may be influenced sexually by porn and that adjusts their view of women or sex but for most it doesn't. Violent porn etc is a different entity altogether and indicative of other issues.

But if OP has expressed her dislike of it then that's what this is about. It's about him lying about it and continuing to do it even though he knows it makes her unhappy.

I don't think he's a bad person for using it although I have concerns about the women (and men) in porn. But if it makes OP unhappy and he continues to use it then that's a conversation worth having.

99% of men use porn? What bullshit.

I would rather that my H talked about his fantasies than consumed porn where RL men and women are harmed every day of the week.

Those people are real you know < dingbat alert >

No harm came from stuff in your head. Or is that too difficult a concept to imagine for you people who "need that visual stimulus".

There is so much thin end of the wedge in your post maketheworld

This is what I believe. In reverse order.

1. For the users of porn, what a waste of time. 20 minutes a day, two hours maybe some days, whatever. All that time added up over several decades wasted. Imagine putting all that time together. What could you do with it if it were given back again? All rolled together like a hooked smoker imagines all those £8 a packet-a-day had they been invested in a savings plan. And its a double whammy. Porn is a bad investment. It changes your soul and robs you of time. Time to make great relationships, with partner, children, neighbour, whoever. Time to learn a language, time spent earning more money to have new choices. A new car or a foreign holiday again. A deposit on a house maybe. No, fuck it life is so hard and I am too weak to compete so lets just enjoy those images and that feeling in the end of my bits (knob or clit, whatever). Drugs and vices rob us of time more than anything. Time. The most precious resource we have.

1. For those who perform in porn. Mostly they have to because you are fit ,good looking and where you live jobs are hard to come by. The average wage for a teacher in Bulgaria, Romania or Russia is equal to about £5k-£7k a year and the cost of living not remotely different to the UK. Except we are talking about staples; rent, bread, cheese, protein, shoes, clothes. So, if you are a good looking male or female, and its mostly females who are 'required' to serve the male porn market, you will not get a job as a teacher, council worker or nurse in those places because you are taking up a place for someone who could. The pressure from your family or community to perform in the sex industry and let your brother or sister to take the other jobs is immense. Neighbour has internet and a PC so you go in, advertise, split the profit. It gets embedded in the community. Fuck your dreams, because you put your family first. Let's not even get to the Far East, where life is cheaper.

Dave these sex workers are only acting. You do not believe that of course. That 18 year old Russian 'teen' is real but her performance is not. You are creating the market that creates the environment in her home country that denies her the choice to do what she wants.

If you want fantasy then lie back and think of it. But turn the tablet, pc or TV on and look at porn then you are perpetuating the real misery of an exploited woman who has been given no way out.

Ditch the porn, get out in the world and do bigger stuff.

< applauds >

Shifty fapping while the wife has an early night. She has lost interest because you are shit in bed. Sad in the extreme.

99.9 % of men do this ? I don't think so.

Anybody who says '99.9% of anything', indicates to me they have no wisdom or experience on which to make any assertion about anything at all.

It indicates to me that they indulge in X, Y or Z and judge everyone else by their own standards.

I guess the 0.1% allows them the wriggle room to be able to say "except me of course" when it suits them, so backs up your theory.

I remember the good old days when being a wanker was quite innocent.

Silverfox - I agree 100% with your post. I never suggested otherwise.

I also applaud you for putting into words what it represents for the 'actors' and the viewers.

You put into words what I think, more eloquently than I could.

I was simply saying that many people use porn and although they may think they agree with you, they still use it because there's usually a way they can justify it to themselves or they used it but feel guilty. Till the next time.

I agree with silver's post 99.9 %

That 0.1 % wastage is because I was distracted by my Wispa chocolate bar.

That is true make

They put the reality of the sex industry to one side for the sake of their orgasm because it suits them to. It all gets a bit difficult if you start thinking with your brain instead of your genitals. Easier to close your mind to it, I guess.

In my days of pre-enlightenment (when I was less silver) I was 69% distracted by the Flake advert. Fnarr, fnarr....