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Original poster

I've started to fancy other blokes for the first time ever since being in a relationship... is that the beginning of the end?

30 replies

QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 30/12/2006 20:44

I never fancy other blokes, the thought of another man repulses me, but the last few days ive started to day dream abit about it (not in a sexual way), looking at blokes on TV and wondering "what if". I started to do that at the end of my last (and first) relationship, and not long later we split. Surely it isn't normal to think about other blokes while in a relationship? I already feel some sort of cheat in a way...

OP posts:
Dior · 30/12/2006 20:47

Message withdrawn

Pruni · 30/12/2006 20:48

Message withdrawn

Original poster
QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 30/12/2006 20:49

maybe I was abnormal before then

OP posts:
Dottydotthehalls · 30/12/2006 20:50

Quootiepie - If I didn't know you were a regular I'd think this was a troll-type question! I'd say of course it's normal to think about other blokes - especially off the telly - when you're in a relationshp! You're not a cheat at all. I know you've been through a very difficult time recently and fancying/day dreaming about the odd bloke on telly (or in real life!) won't do any harm at all. Your relationship might need work doing on it in other ways or whatever, but you're not cheating or being unfaithful just because you're allowing yourself to think about other men. To me it's like fantasising about winning the lottery - switches real life off for a while and allows us to be what might be a nicer, but completely unrealistic world!

Original poster
QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 30/12/2006 20:53

lol @ troll. Oh dear

OP posts:
lulumama · 30/12/2006 20:54

quootie.....i have to take a slightly different view from the other posters here. in the context of the various threads about you and DH and your troubles

i would say it is not the beginning of the end, that was a long time ago. it is another symptom within your dysfunctional relationship.

you are not happy with him and are looking for a way out

you have talked about being rescued by a knight in shining armour

sorry if this was posted in a light hearted fashion, but i think this is actually serious for you.

it is normal to think about other blokes, of course it is..but the other stuff is not 'normal', IMHO.

Dottydotthehalls · 30/12/2006 20:57

sorry - didn't mean it in a horrible way!!

Original poster
QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 30/12/2006 20:58

I guess so. It's normal, but not normal for me... It wasn't actually posted lightheartidly... Another box ticked on the way to 'the end' I think.

OP posts:
lulumama · 30/12/2006 20:59

well, ok, i guess that you are seeing what is in front of you now...x

Dottydotthehalls · 30/12/2006 21:00

Yes, I agree with lulumama and couldn't think how to put it - the bit in your original post about you thinking "what if" is the serious bit - that's not about fancying someone on the telly, that's about starting to imagine your life without your dp - maybe because of all you've been through recently. Needs talking about - with your dp/friends/here - keep mulling it over and think about why you've got to a "what if" stage - might not be the end of anything, but needs thinking through.

Pruni · 30/12/2006 21:00

Message withdrawn

Dior · 30/12/2006 21:01

Message withdrawn

Original poster
QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 30/12/2006 21:02

That's whats scaring me... Im really thinking "what if..." bit beyond "oh, he's good looking". Reading the wonderful husbands thread aswell... i'd love that. Feels so silly, because DH bought me an eternity ring for Christmas!

OP posts:
Dottydotthehalls · 30/12/2006 21:03

Although, just wanted to say that it's definitely OK to think about/fancy someone else when you're in a relationship, and to me that just means the relationship you've got is real, not a perfect dream-type relationship and needs working on and looking after if it's going to be long term. I suppose in a way like when you realise your children can drive you up the wall - they're not the Waltons! Hope that makes sense?

lulumama · 30/12/2006 21:05

an eternity ring

sorry quootie.....can't quite correlate that with what you have said about him and his attitude to marriage

anyone can buy a ring, but that doesn't make him the best husband for you...

anyway, not going to go over old ground here, you know my opinion.....x

Original poster
QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 30/12/2006 21:06

I know x

OP posts:
Skribble · 30/12/2006 21:25

Apart from any problems you may have I think most people look at other men and wonder, at some point anyway after the "honeymoon period", some people that period may last for years and years others a lot less. 7 year itch is one name for it.

We start to get in a rut and lose that tingle we used to get when you kiss or just even touch hands, the sheen starts to fade and you wonder if the grass is greener, familiarity and all that. Never is greener really just looks that way for a while but it would end up the same anyway.

Original poster
QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 30/12/2006 21:36

Years and years? We've only been married 13 months Don't know whether to laugh or cry!

OP posts:
aliceband · 30/12/2006 21:42

i spose it doenst have to be, don't they reckon "marriage is hard", i spose that's what they mean... fancying other people. I remember someone asking me and i absolutely didnt. but i sure do now! 16 years later, and have done for a while..

kandi · 30/12/2006 21:42

Well, I have fancied anyone from ex-colleagues to my GP who is well in his 50s . But only in a 'wouldn't kick them out of bed way', of course not in a serious way. I adore my DH, and I know that he finds other women attractive (he tells me), but once again I trust him 100%. I'd say you're totally normal.

aliceband · 30/12/2006 21:48

and having children changes things! obviosuly you have to consider them.

Skribble · 30/12/2006 21:50

It doesn't have to be years and years honest, nothing wrong with looking and fantisising if thats all it is or a bit of harmless lighthearted flirting, but can go too far very quickly. We are still red blooded females aren't we .

Original poster
QuootiepieTheNewYearsAss · 30/12/2006 21:53

Lordy, I dont fancy anyone in RL. Im far too boring for that! Although I did meet an old school friend at my friends, and we found out we used to fancy eachother... and he's off in south America training to be a doctor... Must be raging hormones, I dunno. Ive never actually been single while being a "woman"... been in relationships since I was 15!

OP posts:
TheHockeyandtheIvy · 30/12/2006 21:54

I didn't know there was mumsnet in Victorian Times - I feel like I have stepped back 100 years!!!

Of course it's normal to fancy other people!!! Goodness me I don't think I really know a couple that hasn't got a "list" of famous people you're allowed to cheat on your husband/wife with. Even if they know they wouldn't act on it.

Both DH and I fancy other people. In fact we've just watched a film and I asked dh "do you fancy her - she looks like your type".

We are biologically programmed to fancy other people, what sets us aside from animals is that we also try to live by some kind of code which keeps us monogamous.

Dream away - sure brightens up my humdrum life let me tell you!

Glassofwine · 30/12/2006 21:56

Just wanted to say that I think Dotty's posts on this thread have been fantastic.