Scared of the future

[withaspongeandarustyspanner]

I have a few posts on here. Story is, after 12 years of marriage, it looks like DH no longer loves me and wants to leave the marriage.

I am beyond devastated. I don't want this to happen and had no idea he felt this way because he didn't mention it until he'd decided.

He's agreed not to go anywhere or make any decisions just yet as it's so close to a bereavement that I think it's connected. He doesn't.

Anyway, he thinks that this can be handled well and that the children (4 at primary age) will not be damaged. I think he is deluded. I also think he think we'll get on well and remain friends. I know I'll find that hard.

He's talking about living nearby and still parenting by taking them to school and collecting them.

I'm not sure I'm going to want to see him every morning.

I also feel cross that this is happening in my early 40s. We were supposed to be forever - I didn't want to be having to look for a new relationship at this time in my life (when the time comes).

I feel angry and scared.

Please tell me your stories. How old were you? How did it work out?

The reason people say this is probably what it is, is because time and time again women tell these stories on here if their partners doing/saying what yours is. Often they have been wonderful husbands BUT there is always someone else lined up, they want to leave first to remain the good guys (so they can say they were only friends with the OW till after we spilt up, so I've done nothing wrong) well except for lining up a replacement! You need to get tough with him and spell it out that if you split, then you split and there will be no remaining freinds - too painful. No dropping by twice a day etc etc. He needs to be sure he definitely wants this and understands exactly what he's doing to you and the family unit. You are being far too accommodating at the moment.

Cross posted with the op above.

OP, I hope you find some strength and peace. I do think some of the language has been a little harsh but I do agree with the sentiment, unfortunately.

I hope to see an update from you in a couple of months saying you've kicked him into touch!

to you though because it's horrendous to be in this position.