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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Need advice

32 replies

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 19:37

Hello I'm just looking for some advice.
Basically I got engagded in July,I asked my partner.i thought I was ok with being the one proposing,but I'm not sure I am.i keep seeing people getting engaged and wish I had waited for him to ask,now I will never know how he would have done it .i have booked our wedding for 2 years away,but I'm now doubting everything,the wedding itself,our relationship,I think I expect to much.i have told my partner I wish he would propose to me still,but he said no.i don't know what to do,it shouldn't matter who asked who but I can't stop thinking about it.

OP posts:

Joysmum · 20/02/2016 19:46

Have you talked through your feelings and fears with your partner?

Marchate · 20/02/2016 19:49

Has the proposal made you question whether he is as committed to the relationship as you are?

Whocansay · 20/02/2016 19:52

You are doubting your relationship because you asked him to marry you, instead of him asking you? Really?

I would question why you want to wait 2 years to actually get married. You sound like you're deliberately sabotaging your relationship. I would ask yourself why.

DioneTheDiabolist · 20/02/2016 19:56

OP, does he know how important it is to you? What are his reasons?

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 19:56

Generally,I'm doubting my relationship.why am I waiting 2 years? That's because we are saving.im scared to be honest about it.i have told him how o feel about us in general,like I want him to make more effort

OP posts:

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 19:58

It means a lot to me,I would love him to ask me

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 20/02/2016 19:58

More effort with what? How old is your df?

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 20:01

Just in general,like showing me he cares,flowers stuff like that.getting excited about the wedding

OP posts:

spillyobeans · 20/02/2016 20:06

Maybe you could stay engaged for the moment (2 years is a way away), and speak to your partner, and see if you still have the same issues/fears 6 months/a year from now...if so i would probably see that as a bad sign for the relationship

Joysmum · 20/02/2016 20:12

So what does he say?

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 20:19

When I told him I want him to ask me,he says no,I've told him what it means to me.i have told him I want to spend more time with him,it's hard dos he works so much.im beginning to think I want to much

OP posts:

RiceCrispieTreats · 20/02/2016 20:24

Or maybe he's just not giving you what you need.

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 20:28

He is always there for me,stands by me,supports me,he's brilliant.maybe it's me,I struggle with depression

OP posts:

tribpot · 20/02/2016 20:29

When I told him I want him to ask me,he says no

So what does this mean? Why did he say yes to you in the first place? I think your instincts are right, I don't think I'd be bothering to save for a wedding with this guy.

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 20:32

Sorry I should be more clear,what I mean by that is,when I said I would still like him to ask me to marry him,In his own way he said no

OP posts:

tribpot · 20/02/2016 20:35

Yes, I understand what you meant. You'd like him to ask you - that seems reasonable to me. When you ask him why he won't, what does he say? Doesn't seem like it should be too onerous for him, he knows you're going to say yes otherwise you really will be in a pickle!

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 20:38

He said because I have already done it

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 20/02/2016 20:42

You are alreay engaged. Theres no need for him to propose.
Men dont get excited about flowers.
I dont think men get excited about the wedding until it is upon them. Like pregnancy.

how long have you been together?
When you said you booked the wedding, do you mean you alone or he got a say on where and when?
How old are you both?
Could asking him to marry you rather than waiting be more about you wanting to be married, rather than wanting to marry your partner?

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 20:45

2 years,we chose the date together,met photographers so he does take an interste,that's why I think it's just me.27 and 32.no I love him

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 20/02/2016 20:47

Does he do anything at all to show you he cares? Do you feel cared for?

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 20:50

He helps me with anything I need help with,he supports me.i do,that's the stupid thing! Maybe it's me,perhaps it's my low confidence

OP posts:

RiceCrispieTreats · 20/02/2016 20:51

You definitely sound unhappy, OP. He may be contributing to it, or he might not, it's hard to tell.
What kind of treatment are you getting for your depression?

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 20:54

I don't get any,I have mental health issues,I struggle to go out,so it's hard to go to appointments

OP posts:

RiceCrispieTreats · 20/02/2016 20:57

There is help out there for your MH issues, Rachel. It can be really helpful to talk these things through with a trained professional.

What are the steps you would need to take to ask for some help? Can you book an appointment with your GP and ask them to refer you to counselling?

Original poster

Rachela88 · 20/02/2016 20:59

I wouldn't be able to go to my go,I might see if I can get home help

OP posts:

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