Posting this just to get a bit of perspective, really, and see what others think...sorry it's so long but thought background would be helpful.
My brother's partner (well, ex-partner now) told DB at the New Year that she was leaving him after nearly 3 years together, in which time they have had a baby - the pregnancy was unplanned - who is now 20 months, my DNiece.
There is a 16 year age difference, she is now in her early 20s. She stopped working when pg and then was a SAHM. He is self employed and has 2 businsses, works 6/7 days a week.
They argued a lot, at the beginning it was mainly because he'd nag/criticise her about things like smoking while pregnant and BF which he felt strongly about,and not studying to get her qualifications, having dropped out of school.
I can understand how this would have got her down... But she's now saying that him urging her to get some qualifications with a view to getting a career was "manipulation" - it wasn't intended to be, he genuinely wanted her to get an education and reach her full potential - and that he destroyed her and is responsible for her depression and extreme weight loss (though she's been on a crash diet and posts constant selfies looking whippet thin and glamorous)
Although she'd been saying she was unhappy for several months, he hadn't taken her very seriously (he's not very emotionally intelligent when it comes to relationships), kept trying to appease her by giving her lots of time alone, girls' nights out etc, trips back to her home country without him and the baby.
While I think he too was unhappy and realised they weren't a great match, he took the news of her leaving pretty badly, since it meant failure of the relationship, and he wanted them to stay together and try to be a family.
When she announced she wanted to move out, she asked him to help her out financially in addition to child maintenance, since living in London is £££ - she had started working in November earning a fairly low wage, not earning much more than the babysitter she hired, but had been adamant she wanted to work rather than do a course to get qualifications - I realise now she wanted financial independence in order to leave him, which is understandable.
He initially refused to give her extra financial help (apart from child maintenance of course) such as paying her rent, as he was hurt and angry, plus he felt he couldn't afford it and was worried she was going to take advantage of him, then I think went back and forth changing his mind about it a few times.
Apparently she said she might go and live somewhere cheaper, either back to Eastern Europe or elsewhere, if he wouldn't help her pay rent on her own place.
Lots of arguments, going round in circles etc
One day in late January after a short business trip to an EU country, she said she had found a job there through her company, better paid than the first job and a place which is cheaper than London but with v. high living standards, and wanted to move with their DD. He got very upset and said he wouldn't give his permission. Cue more arguments...
Then a week later in early February after a second trip back there, she announced she had signed a 12 month contract for said job, had put down a deposit on a flat rental, lined up a nanny and would be leaving on February 15th then returning at the end of the month to pick her their DD and move her out there permanently. That was it, she had decided.
She promised she would bring the LO back regularly e.g. every couple of months for 2 weeks, and a month over the summer.
My DB was distraught and suggested mediation and she refused. He suggested she go out there for a few months and come back asap and try and make a go of it with him - no, she's totally over the relationship. Fair enough. The next day, he begged her to come back to the UK to live and work, and he would pay her rent or whatever necessary to make it possible for her to live on her own and they could share custody. Again she refused- she said he'd had his chance and had screwed it up.
He has now told her he won't consent to her taking the child out of the country for the time being.
But he feels that he has to give in to her quite soon, as he doesn't want to antagonise her further and ruin his chances of maintaining a relationship with his DD, and also feels, rightly IMO, that the child should live and grow up with her mother if it's a choice between one or the other rather than shared custody, as kids need their mothers, but we have urged him to take legal steps and get a court order at least to "buy some time" and work out what's what before handing my niece over to her mother as once the child is resident in another EU country, the UK courts have no authority at all. She is aware of this herself.
She can't be forced to return to the UK to live, but perhaps she can be made to come back for mediation at least, to put proper arrangements in place for their daughter's future and her relationship with her dad?
She has no family out there. My DN regularly sees her grandmother, uncles, and an aunt on her mum's side all in London. DB's ex will have no family or friends to help her out if things are tough as a single mother.
We're worried she might make other impulsive decisions - having left home at 16, then moved to 2 foreign countries in the space of 2 years before she met my DB - and move somewhere else without telling him, or that her promises to maintain regular contact are empty.
Just wondered if anyone has heard of a similar situation and who, if anyone, is being unreasonable here. Thanks to anyone who's read this far!