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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I feel Broken

27 replies

Angieyy1 · 19/02/2016 11:03

I need some advice ..... I'm six weeks in since the breakup and it's getting harder not easier ...

Iv lost over a stone I'm now 8st which isn't healthy or looks good .... I have no appetite at all and I'm forcing myself to eat which may just be toast then a sandwich and soup and even then I'm struggling .

Iv gone to the gym to help mentally which is the last thing I want to do as I'm thin enough yesterday I walked 4K ...after the gym.

I just feel completely broken and lost....and I know only I can fix that .

I just don't know what to eat anymore to get my strength up and I don't eat dairy.

I'm not sure if I'm having a breakdown or it's just grief as I keep getting this terrible feeling running through my body of fear it comes and goes all day

I'm still struggling with it been over as none of it makes sense to me and keep hoping he will change his mind this was it for me we are both nearly 40 and thought we would get married ....but for now I need to get myself ok

Can any one help with things that can make you put weight on and is good for you ... I don't want to cook either

Thanks

OP posts:
MoreGilmoreGirls · 19/02/2016 11:11

I am so sorry you are going through this. I lost a lot of weight when I broke up with an ex though I did have some to lose. I too hit the gym and found exercise made me feel better and gave me some purpose so I would not stay to stop that. You prob need to up your protein have you tried shakes or bars at all? I found them easy to drink when I could not face eating or cooking. May I suggest you speak to your doctor or get some counselling to help you get through this? I found it really helped me.
With regards to food what did you used to like? Try treating yourself to something nice. You deserve it.

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 19/02/2016 11:30

Iv just always eaten anything really and loved chocolate have no taste for anything im currently forcing a muller rice down me even though it's dairy .... I don't want to take any antidepressants I was on them when my son was born had pnd and they just made me feel terrible ....i have a cbt book that I'm working through...it helps now and again .

Iv asked for counselling before and it was a 3 month waiting list...

Everyday is just the same ...same thoughts .... Same feelings .... And full of selfdoubt ..... It's the one thing that Iv struggled with since been 17 .... People have always told me..... I'm a good person, I'm beautiful and have a great personality, fun ect ect .....Honestly it means absolutely nothing if your broken inside .... Id trade it all in just to have peace of mind and happiness within...

My self doubt had finally started to lift whilst been with him and I started to concentrate on my career and now I'm just numb and have no interest....

OP posts:
twistedlove · 19/02/2016 11:45

I havent got any advice sorry, but im in the same position, its been 6 weeks for me too and i dont feel like im ever gonna get any better, i went through the stages of not eating, sleeping and crying all the time but after 3 weeks i went on AD's and they've helped a little bit.

Your doing well exorcising and as a pp said maybe you should try protein drink. I hope it gets eaiser for you Flowers

OnYerEd · 19/02/2016 11:52

Sorry you're going through this, OP.

Do you have a blender/liquidiser?
If you feel up to the (brief) preparation, you can make very calorie dense and nutritious shakes. Add peanut (or other nut) butter, bananas, chocolate, cream, coconut milk, avocadoes (probably not all together!!)... whatever you think you might most easily stomach. Keep sealed cups of it in the fridge with straws and drink little and often.

If you don't feel up to sorting this out, could you ask a friend/family member to help? Or, failing that, buy some of the ready made shakes (Complan, etc.)?

All the best Flowers

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 19/02/2016 11:57

Maybe I could go and get slim fast or complain powder and Make it with coconut milk as an add on To food im eating ..... I'm going to try go for another walk later on today but need to eat first x

OP posts:
hownottofuckup · 19/02/2016 12:02

I'd second protein powders, those and a bit of toast was all I could manage on the break up diet. And the odd eggs on toast.
I don't know if it's that good for you really, mine came from the gym via my brother, but it was better then nothing I was turning into a sack of bones.
Very easy to add abit of Greek yoghurt, peanut butter or whatever into as well.

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 19/02/2016 12:24

Thank you .... Surely six weeks in I should be getting better not worse, I was ok for the first two weeks and then bam it hit me .....maybe it's because I love him and want to be with him ? Iv only just started realise hes seriouse... When will I stop holding on to the hope that he may change his mind.....It's hope that's all as I know he won't x

OP posts:
Binders1 · 19/02/2016 13:05

So sorry you are feeling like this.

I'm sorry I have no helpful advice as I am 3 months in and feeling like I am getting worse. I don't eat or sleep and I'm actually starting to feel ill. I've had my hand on the phone so many times to ring the doctors but stupidly feel like by admitting I can't cope makes it even worse in my mind. I'm beginning to feel like I am not good enough for my son anymore.

Hope you start to feel better soon.Flowers

Paddington72 · 19/02/2016 13:15

So sorry you are going through this. It does get easier I promise you, I think what you're feeling now is the reality that it is over and that's why it feels so awful.
Be kind to yourself, self-care is very important, buy yourself a little treat every week and remember far better to be on your own than with someone who doesn't love you.
With regards to eating and mood would you consider seeing your GP, you could be referred to a dietician. xx

MoreGilmoreGirls · 19/02/2016 13:29

You don't have to go back on ADs but the gp may be able to offer other help. Have you tried meditation? There are lots of downloads available for positive thinking / mindfulness etc. They really helped when I could not sleep or got very anxious. There are also groups you can attend. It will get better I promise you're just going through the worst of it now. Lean on friends if you can and MN there's always someone here with a good ear x

MoreGilmoreGirls · 19/02/2016 13:34

Binders1 please call the doctor. Admitting you need help is not being weak it takes a lot of courage. I've been there you don't need to struggle on alone. You deserve to be happy again and your son needs you. Pls get some help. Flowers

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 19/02/2016 13:45

Iv just been for a walk, Iv bought some complan and made a shake with it also taken a b12 spray and a vitamin b6 tablet today. I took magnesium last night to help me sleep ...Il go for another walk early this eve... It's my thoughts I'm struggling with I'm drifting in and out of reality is that normal. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Angieyy1 · 19/02/2016 13:48

Binders1

3 months in and if your feeling worse then pls pls go to the doctors your son needs you. Pls ring them today x

OP posts:
OnYerEd · 19/02/2016 13:53

Well done for getting the Complan, Angie.

What do you mean by drifting in and out of reality?
I'd say have a chat with your GP in any case. Even if it's just to chat to someone in person and find out about what possible support's available.

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 19/02/2016 13:58

Thinking he's coming back and then realising he's not then the pain comes again, then I replay everything in my mind.... Similar to when your day dreaming and then you come out of it x

OP posts:
OnYerEd · 19/02/2016 14:06

Oh that sounds so hard Sad - sorry you're going through it.

Stormtreader · 19/02/2016 14:41

It sounds like you might need ADs just to get through this bit if its getting harder and youre at the point of not eating, there are lots of kinds, a different one than you had before might work better for you.

I did the same when I broke up with my ex, temporary 6-month depression after a big shock event like this is a recognised thing, it doesnt make it any less a "real" depression just because its been brought on by an event.

SonjasSister · 19/02/2016 15:31

Poor you. It sucks, but it will get better.

The "fear" feeling is understandable as so much has been turned upside down , of course you are scared of this new life you didn't ask for, you probably feel quite threatened. But you CAN cope and it WILL get better.

Excercise I found was really helpful, especially short sharp bursts that made me out of breath, as it sort of "mops up" the adrenaline which is driving those rushes of fear. Hopefully it will help your appetite too.

Can you try physical distraction when the thoughts are churning round and round? Tapping on your arms or legs maybe, and breathing out though your mouth (make a sort of hissing noise) to relax you a bit?

And keep telling yourself "Its all right, I can do this. I can get through this minute. Then this one. Then this one"

And last suggestion, sounds silly but it helps me - stand tall, drop your shoulders back, and smile (well, fake a smile, but grin widely). I put a sign up one place I walk by often, to remind me. It gives me a brief bit of respite when I get anxiety.

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 19/02/2016 16:53

Thanks I'm just forcing myself to eat anything today ... Crisp sandwiches. Buns .. Complain... Toast... It's an improvement on yesterday and I haven't contacted him in 6 days now ... I feel so embarrassed that Iv begged for him back after him telling me he doesn't love me or want this anymore ...I honestly thought he was depressed it's humiliating and the worst of it is despite knowing this I still can't let go and love him

OP posts:
SonjasSister · 19/02/2016 17:07

Unless you were only together for 6 weeks (doubtful!) then of course yiu haven't fully adjusted yet - presumably he was realising he wanted to do this for a while but to you its still so new and raw.

Can you try to do some nice things with friends - go to see a funny film or something, even if you don't feel like it much. Perhaps do something nicefor someone else, too, to make you feel a bit better aboutyourself, iyswim?

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 19/02/2016 17:15

We were together 2 years both had children from other relationships .... Spent time doing things together and time back at his home town with his family and friends .... We'd planned to move back to his home town when my son had finished his education here .... And he's asked me to move back home with him if he bought a house on the way back to England ... In the new year ...I can't even explain how I feel.... In denial

OP posts:
BigQueenBee · 19/02/2016 19:49

Complan helped me through a difficult time. It is so important that you are well nourished when going through something as devastating as this.
My dear friend made me some home made tasty " ready meals" in weeny portions.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. Good friends will always support you in times of need.

Original poster
Angieyy1 · 19/02/2016 20:25

Thank you, Iv probably eaten the most today Iv just tried to have some fried rice .. I was doing fine eating away and then I get intrusive thoughts that he's met some one and then I feel sick ... I then stared getting intrusive thoughts about his ex ... She just walked out on him after a year together wouldn't take his calls nothing .... This was 4 years ago .... He's always been friends with her on fb and has never ever commented on anything and now he's single she's up their liking everything ..... This is the stupidness that goes through my head ... I'm embarrassed that I think these things I'm 39 I feel like a jealous child .... I never had fb untill 3 years ago the worst thing I probably ever did ....

OP posts:
springydaffs · 19/02/2016 20:32

I am currently taking Kalms to get through a difficult time - they are wonderful, completely natural. They are a staple in my medicine cabinet. 3 times a day and I take 4 for the last dose before bed.

You can also try St John's wort (the most prescribed AD in Germany, apparently) - again, completely natural, and has immediate effect.

Both are herbal and I'm not sure whether you should take them together but perhaps start with Kalms and see how you go.

6 weeks is early days for a major loss so don't be hard on yourself. Keep going lovely Flowers

springydaffs · 19/02/2016 20:33

Get off fb xx