Has anyone separated then had to live in the marital home with soon to be ex spouse?

[Ramble]

As per the title really. Wondering if anyone has had to live with their ex until the divorce is sorted...and how did that go? For you/them/children?
Thanksx

Course he's coming on the hold AllGuns

Still, the children are happy that he'll be there, and I'm going to make sure that I make time to do some stuff with them, just me, and he can "relax".

I spend so much time shut up in my room, too much time. I need to address that badly, but tbh avoiding him is the reason. Not that he does anything particularly upsetting but just his constant marching up and down, opening doors/closing doors, sighing, complaining about how people stack the dishwasher, moaning about all he does yada yada. I'm just sick to the back teeth of it. Meanwhile, the house is falling asunder, the walls are covered in mould in the bathroom, the top of the freezer is cluttered with all the things he's "going to fix"
And don't start me on the clutter/hoarding

Sorry for the rant!!

STBX postponed mediation AGAIN. It was meant to be tomorrow.
No idea why he's postponed. Like a mug I respected his wishes to wait until he's been to mediation before exchanging Form E. Well, that's it. No more.

I also had arranged Women's Aid outreach worker to call tomorrow when he was meant to be out (I work from home full time) so I can't do that no either.
It's taken me WEEKS to get WA to do this and now I can't do it.

I am SO fucking upset and angry.

tbtc20 the frustration you are feeling is bouncing out of the screen... I'm sorry.

Is there no way you could get him out of the house for a few hours so that you can follow through on your WA appointment??
Sorry to hear you're going through this...

tbtc20 Nope I don't think it is.
He's telling her he doesn't love her and wants to leave.
How will couples counselling solve that?
And we all know what the 'I don't love you anymore' line actually means.. Don't we...??? If not then I can spell it out for you.
He wants to have his cake and eat it.
No doubt he wants to be there at family things and keep poor cattnips dangling in case it doesn't work out with the OW.
No way should she be putting up with his shite!

tbtc20
Do not cancel your WA appointment.
When she arrives you can go out for a coffee or a drive??
Don't let him scupper all of this for you.
Stick with it.

Thanks you water and hells [can't see through my tears]

The WA appt is a phone call. I could call from somewhere else, but it's going to be a hard call and I have my document/diary/notes only on my work lap top, so I wanted to do it from my garden office rather than sit in some lay by crying. Also, in my experience so far, I might find myself alone and able to talk and then find she's not actually there. My work is being disrupted enough w/o taking time out for non-events.

Get him out of the house? Ha ha. Sorry, I know that was a reasonable suggestion, but if I ask him that he would probably either not reply at all, or just shrug and ask me why. I'm not giving him the pleasure. I am on the verge of tears with him most of the time as it is.

Mine has offered my the car and a small lump sum of money to "move on" as he calls it.
Am seriously tempted to go along with it then hit him with the divorce shit after I am somewhere else away from his narcissism.

Yes- for four months. We didn't have any kids but it was awful. A lot of my stuff got "accidentally" broken (I initiated the split) and he turned the house into some kind of bizarre student digs for all his mates and they'd stay up til 4am playing poker. I do not recommend!

Oh yeah...he threw some things that belonged to my late Mother in the bin.
Also broke a vase that belonged to my Mum.

Yep.
We're two months in, of what will be minimum of a year together, kids all under 5 so they don't know, it's going mostly well!
We get on well, still socialising together, dating other people (both, massive list of ground rules).
I guess because it's so early on its hard not doing the usual things of talking to each other in the bath, hugs leading to more.

I'm starting work next month, and were staring the actual divorce then so we'll see if it gets worse...

Well, a bit of a funny club, aren't we?
Unfortunate circumstances, but it's comforting (in a weird way) that I'm not alone going through this.

tbtc, ((((((hugs)))))) I will be thinking of you tomorrow. You can do this, doesn't matter if it's in a lay by, it's ok!!!

waterangel, don't hole up in your room. Visit friends, go for runs, go to cinema. I know what you mean, I ended up doing tonnes of overtime. I have friends, but they are all worried about me and want to talk to me about it. I don't actually want to talk about it, I don't want to drag them into this whole drama. So sometimes I just wander around just to avoid going home. It's very hard.
iwant, 'move on', huh?! Good god!
gladys, good luck :)

Oh I should have updated. I was able to call her today (he was unexpectedly out and she was available).
On the phone for an hour. Long story short, I am meeting her next week in person and I also have an appointment with their (free) solicitor next week to specifically talk about the EA and a possible occupation order, something I could talk to my own solicitor about but would be £££ and to date she has not really got involved in that, but focussed on getting what she needed the file the Petition and now the financial details. Obviously she knows about it all, but she's not there to provide support in this area.

And best of all today, he txt to say he's staying out and won't be back until mid afternoon tomorrow so I've had a lovely evening with my boys and now calm and hopefully a decent nights sleep, followed by peace tomorrow.

Obviously it's all grim, but today has had some positive steps.

Also I emailed my solicitor and asked her to go ahead and write to his requesting we exchange form E w/o him going to mediation.

Yes, for 10 long bastard months. I slept on a camp bed, while he slept in the king size ( his argument was He wasn't STOPPING me sleeping in the bed) . My back still gives me gip. For 7 months, he didn't pay anything except the mortgage. He used to literally buy and cook himself fillet steak while watching me feed me and kids beans on toast day after day.
At the same time, he was claiming that he had decreed that we would not be separating - he was'working' on the marriage - didn't care that I wasn't - apparently my happiness was worth sacrificing for a 'happy family' Came to a head when I issued divorce proceedings, which prompted him to call the vicar and the doctor because I was clearly mentally ill. ( we're not religious in the slightest) . He did leave eventually. He's still a knobjockey though.

to you - every minute is tense, I don't envy you. Best advice is do it for as short a time as possible - it breeds resentment, and I don't think it does anyone any favours in the end xx

Twilight He sounds awful. I'm glad you got through it and I hope your back eases in time.

How are you now?

tbtc20 - it's ok now, but he has never forgiven me for leaving - he used to say I was the only thing that he's failed at

So sorry you're going through it too I think it helps to know that there IS an end to it - this too shall pass! - keep repeating that to yourself! One of the ways I got through it was (kinda sounds awful now!) 'using' him as a babysitter - I went out a lot, saw friends, worked (I was freelancing and him being so stubborn leaving enabled me to work nights and earn enough to manage).

It also brought me and the kids closer - they saw what he was doing, and whilst I mourn the relationship they should have had with their dad, it was all of his own making. They tolerate him now, but me and them are a strong wee unit.

Also remember that coercive control is an offence now - a brand new one. Keep a diary just in case you need it. Ooh and EA can now constitute domestic abuse for the purposes of obtaining legal aid - it might be worth you having a free half hour chat to a solicitor to see if you can qualify that way - if you get legal aid, it will give you choices and options to get him out or sort the whole situation out x

Thanks twilight
I'm glad you're OK, and as you say, it does give hope to those of us in the thick of it. I am yet to read of anyone who regrets doing it despite the getting there being the most awful time.

He is using DS2 as a pawn which is heartbreaking, but I am starting to see signs of DS2 actually needing less of fun Daddy and more consistency from me.

Yes, I am aware that EA is regarded as DV now. That has given me a lot of strength. I am not entitled to legal aid and have had my own solicitor for a long time now. I've been keeping a diary since Nov, when proceedings started and the abuse escalated. It's 24 pages long now and I write in it most days.

You don't think you'll forget things, but you do and I'm so glad I'm keeping it. I read over it in preparation for a meeting with my solicitor a little while ago and it read like someone else's life. It gave me an idea of what other people have been seeing for a long time, but took a lot of courage for me to admit.