struggling to cope on mat leave, DH very critical

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I admit I keep speaking angrily to baby in night and begging him to sleep and I know this is wrong, I'm just at the end of my tether. I can't cope on 3hours sleep a night. Baby wakes to feed every couple of hours, last night it was almost every hour as he's teething. He grizzles and cries all day. I'm mentally and physically shattered and just want DH to give me a hug and some empathy.

He says he is putting up with a lot, insists he hasn't complained about the state of the house, or lack of sex or lack of cooking (he has moaned!) he genuinely thinks I play on my phone all day doing nothing (!) He has no idea what's it's like trying to do anything. Baby cries after 5mins in bouncer or jumparoo. He cries unless he has almost constant interaction.

Baby goes to bed before DH gets home in evening then I go to bed a couple of hours later to try and sleep while I can. I'm too tired for sex or cleaning.

How do I make him realise how exhausting this is?

I missed a page!

Pp mentioned DP having your ds while you clean. I did this over the Xmas break I mentioned. I'd tell DP to keep dd amused and I'd clean for an hour. I'd of course preferred to sleep but I found this more effective as I knew DP would bring her into my room claiming she was hungry so I couldn't switch off.

If DP came into the room I was cleaning with dd ' because she wanted to see me'/hungry (translated as I have to hold her all the time and she won't stop grizzling) I'd sigh, tell him to get out and keep her amused until I'm finished. After a couple of days he got the message

I think he needs to learn for himself how hard your DS is. Express some milk and leave them for an afternoon. Get out of the house.

Not just the OP here but some other posters seem to live in the 1950s. I'm sorry not be helpful, but from my reading of it, you, OP philosophically lives in the 1950s as does her husband. I think you are now finding out why so many of us talk with dread of that era, however your husband is living the dream and I don't entirely blame him.

it's such hard work when your dh doesn't help, I've been there. Don't think you have to go to baby groups every day, once a week is fine. Prioritise sleep, sleep every time baby sleeps and do jobs while they are awake. Even put your feet up and watch TV (your TV programmes) while they are awake if you are tired. You need to recharge your batteries or you will burn yourself out.

Your husband's expectations of you are unrealistic - as are your own. Your baby is very young, you are sleep deprived and still recovering from pregnancy and birth. A cleaner will help to an extent but your husband needs to step up and support you. I agree he seems to think he is living in the 1950s and you are his personal house-slave. He needs to take on more around the home and with the baby as it is as much his resposbility as it is yours. If you can leave the baby with him for some time it might give him the reality check that he needs.

It's not that I don't care or don't want to look after him or pamper him

Shame he doesn't feel that way about you! I would tell DH you need a supportive husband, not another child to look after.

Agree with Jibberjabberjooo

You are on maternity leave to look after your baby. Not to clean/tidy/start dinner/change beds. That's not why you're entitled to time off work, it's to have and look after a baby. And you're doing a fab job.

So, you spend 8, maybe 10 hours a day, on your paid-work replacement (looking after your baby). Everything else fits in around that - in the same way that it did before you had a child. And now you have a child to look after. A child you both made, a house you both live in, chores you both benefit from.

You both have 14 hours a day, less sleeping time, to fit those extra things in - plus weekends. So divide them up. It's likely that it will be "I do this chore while you hold the baby, then you do that chore while I hold the baby, then we both sit down together exhausted on the sofa while the baby naps". That's normal. It's also perfectly reasonable for you to say "you look after the baby while I sleep" - as he's getting 8 hours and you're getting 4. You're entitled to sleep too. But if you're not busting a gut getting things done during the day, you can also lay both of you down on your bed and feed the baby and nap at the same time, without the guilt because all those things you're feeling guilty about are not your job.

Good luck. And get a cleaner if you can afford it, bollocks to him and his views about giving you extra things to do.

He's 5months. I don't think the crying is reflux just teething/boredom/clingy.

Why do you think a 5 month old baby is crying because he is bored or clingy ?

The poor little mite is crying because he is in pain.

"It's not that I don't care or don't want to look after him or pamper him"

Like previous posters I find this a bit off. You shouldn't be making excuses for not "pampering" a grown man, especially when you yourself are a new mother.

Take a look at Handy.com to get you started with a cleaner. It is hard fiddling around on the phone trying to find one.

I know it's really, really hard with an exclusively breastfed baby to feel you can leave them for any amount of time. But start looking at the routine and thinking about what the longest period is that he goes without a feed. And then make your husband look after the baby for that time. He absolutely needs to find out for himself what it is like.

There are so many threads on here with the same advice. Your husband is wrong, wrong, wrong.