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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can't believe his family

58 replies

MrsCadbury · 29/12/2006 16:12

On boxing day me, DH and DD went his parents house, we took along our presents to his family so they had stuff to open from us. His 9 year old nephew was there and we had bought him a playstation game his parents said he would "probably" like. Anyway we just assumed that if he didnt like it he could take it back and exchange it for something else.

So we got there, this kid (who to be honest I dislike at the best of times) was moping all day as he had not been allowed to take his nintendo DS with him, he was sulking and snapping at everyone until he realised we had some presents.

So after dinner we started to give the presents out, we had bought his younger sister a fisherprice thing which was quite big in size so when he got his present he moaned "god its tiny, why does she get a big one?" . His doting dad then pointed out that it was probably a playstation game or a dvd that was worth more money than the big present his sister had!!!! this was bad enough but when he opened up the game he pulled a face and said "oh great, that looks crap, I wanted san andreas" ! I was so annoyed at this point that I went into the kitchen and made small talk with MIL to get away from him. Anyway when we went back into the living room I heard MIL say "oh don't do that, just take it back if you don't like it...!" I looked over to see him booting this game around the room and DH and his brother just stood there watching!!! , I said "if you dont want it give me it, Im sure Ill find someone that does" so he just smirked at me and said "no i wanna break it instead" and started to drag pens down the cover etc to rip the plastic covering the sleeve.

I was fuming and told DH that I wanted to go home, his family just gave me mucky looks and when we got outside he said I had shown him up being so OTT over a game and that I should apologise to his family! We're still not really talking as I am so angry about this kid and DH just keeps saying the kid had a right to be annoyed if he was expecting a "good game".

So did I over-react??

OP posts:
wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 29/12/2006 17:30

God this kid really does have issues (you all know what I mean ) I wouldnt want to meet him in a dark alley in 10 years time . FGS try and keep your kid away from him . Say nothing in the future and keep your head down . But please please buy him a goat from oxfam for his birthday or christmas which ever comes first . LOL

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 29/12/2006 17:31

What happened there .

idontlikecrusts · 29/12/2006 17:33

He must have shit parents.

9BeetrootsDancing · 29/12/2006 17:36

yes blame the parents!!!

NOELallie · 29/12/2006 17:40

What a charming little boy..... I'd have been mortified if any of my children, even my 3yr old had behaved like that! And no you didn't overreact. I think it would be your responsiblity to say something as obviously no-one else in his family is going to. I'm outraged on your behalf.

Only thing I would say is the he sounds very like my DH's eldest nephew - who was always a 'handful' to put it politely. Eventually his doting and very indulgent mother had to admit that this was not acceptable behaviour and that maybe something could be done about it. It was obvious to DH and I that he wasn't OK. They discovered that he had some pretty major food intolerances incl most additives - once those were weeded out of his diet he improved a lot. Might it be something like that?

idontlikecrusts · 29/12/2006 17:43

are you agreeing or disagreeing with my parent-blaming beetroots?

colditz · 29/12/2006 17:45

Revolting little shit. His parents should be made to pay extra taxes for the time he is going to spend in jail.

cat64 · 29/12/2006 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

idontlikecrusts · 29/12/2006 17:50

If you had actually stepped in and given him a bit of decent parenting much as he might have reviled you he possibly might have felt a glimmer of love from havin gsomeone care enough about his behaviour to stop him being a vile little twat.

Poor little shit bag that he is bless him.

justbeme · 29/12/2006 18:15

He sounds jealous of his little sister - so I feel sorry for her - She's going to have to be a tough one to stick up for herself.
I must say though, the rabbit incident is very worrying . I once read somewhere that someone did a profile of all murderers etc in jail and the majority of them started off injuring or killing animals when they were young and then progressed from there! So I would have no hesitation in dobbing him in if this happens again now that he is getting older. (sorry if that sounds abit heavy!)
I would also try and avoid as much contact with that side of the family and I would be very upset with my DH not siding with me......

Ready · 29/12/2006 18:27

I am outraged by this post!! First of all, the response from his father at his ungrateful behaviour before the present was even opened! Surely, he should have been told off about that! Then when he turned his nose up at it he should have had the item taken off him, and he should definitely been made to apologise to you and your DH.

Also outraged at your DH and their family for treating you as if you over reacted. The boy did not have any right to be annoyed by a present he didn't like. Lots of people get gifts they don't want, but well mannered people are brought up to say thank you and smile!!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not apologise to his family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kittylettekissingsanta · 29/12/2006 18:33

i honestly wouldve taken it off him and DEMANDED his parents give me the money back for it!!

little shit

BeetrootsResolution · 30/12/2006 00:02

It seems to me you all 'allow' him to behave like this

fussymummy · 30/12/2006 00:18

I have a son who is 8.8 years and absolutely no way would he behave like this.

He wouldn't dare!!!

He knows there'd be no more presents.

As for kicking the gift around the room, he wouldn't dream of it.

Neither would my two girls who are both younger.

My son did receive a present from my parents and thanked them and said how lovely it was.

When they'd gone, he very quietly said to me, mum i do think it's a bit babyish, but i didn't want to upset them!!!!!

I told him he was very grown up for doing that.

I was proud of him.

hotmulledwinemama · 30/12/2006 00:22

He is a little shit imho.

Very scary about the rabbit incident - methinks this little boy is going to need some serious help in the future etc.

I would have gone mental - at the little twunt but also at his parents for allowing such behaviour. You should be grateful for what you are given - even if it is 'crap'! Some serious parenting deficiencies here.

Can't believe your dh so he is going to be happy if your dd acts like this as your dh isn't condemning such bad behaviour! Can't believe the rest of the family think this behaviour is acceptable!

tigermoth · 30/12/2006 00:28

You do not need to apolgise to his family. The boy showed no manners and needs to be told how to say thank you.

Any good telling your dh you won't say sorry but you will make sympathetic noises when you see the boy's parents? Something along the lines of 'how awful it must be for you when your son lets you down in front of guests like that' you do not need to speak these words, just show that underlying attitude.....

1sue1 · 30/12/2006 00:51

"This same kid also beat a baby rabbit to death when he was 6 because "it scratched him", I so wanted to report them but DH wouldn't let me. (it didn't die straight away either, they took it to the vets and the vet had to put it down as there was nothing he could do for it)"

What a little bastard. I am sorry but I WOULD have reported him, family or not. And I would never have anyting whatsoever to do with him again, certainly not buying him presents! That poor rabbit

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/12/2006 01:00

We are talking about a child, yes?

Its not the child thats the problem, surely?

newalbum · 30/12/2006 01:07

I would be REALLY worried about the rabbit incident. Why aren't his parents? They think it's OK for their 6 year old to kill an animal unreprimanded?

You need to send a message to THEM - no more presents, your son doesn't seem to know how to respond to them.

& keep it up until they take a bit more responsibility. I'd be distraught if my children behaved like that.

1sue1 · 30/12/2006 01:09

"Its not the child thats the problem, surely?"

Well, unless the parents stood over him while he killed the rabbit, then yes, this child is one HUGE problem

idontlikecrusts · 30/12/2006 01:17

Surely even a simpleton can work out that a child who behaves like this is in all likelihood being parented extremely poorly and thus it is the parents who need to make the first changes? Thus, the parents (who are in fact ignoring this behaviour if not condoning it) are the problem and the child is the product of this problem???

Or maybe this just takes one on to a nature nurture debate which isn't very helpful...

1sue1 · 30/12/2006 01:21

yes, agree but only to a point...I mean what kind of parenting directly causes a child to kill a pet?

unless the parents are really abusive, in which case it may excuse his behaviour, but there was nothing in the original post to suggest such.

Skribble · 30/12/2006 01:26

This child is very much a product of his parenting, at 9yrs the damage is probably done for ever.

I would stay very far awy from thse relations and hope DH's reaction was a isolated incident and that he has learned that it is not the way to bring up kids at all. If he was brought up in a similar way it may not have been as shocking to him, but I am sure MrsC will put him right with regards to his own kids.

idontlikecrusts · 30/12/2006 01:27

I think in actual fact, although I am no real expert, it can be small things that have a big effect.

So, the dad might often say in good humour "you never have been good at practical stuff have you jonny?!" or mum might say "you are mummy's silly, pretty boy" or they might repeatedly make comparisons between siblings or maybe everybody happens to comment on how pretty his sister is or maybe he just doesn't get any physical love. Maybe his dad touches him in the dark....

Who knows? but a child is a child and the parents are the ones with the responsibility as such.

Skribble · 30/12/2006 01:32

There are of course many things that will influence a childs behaviour like abuse, lack of attention, serious incidents etc, but I think the present incident shows you don't have to look much further than his parents to see where it all went wrong. The fact he may have been born with other mental health problems will make his adulthood even more problematic and worrying.

They may not have stood over him when he killed it but if they have never scolded him for causing physical or mental hurt to other humans a rabbit would be given little consideration.