I can't believe I cannot actually get divorced.

[Iwantmymaidennameback]

Have posted in OTBT but no one there.
In the middle of divorce and my sol informs me that the courts have rejected my divorce application due to me still being "financially entangled" with STBXH.
I now find myself unable to afford to get divorced, move out or feed my DCs as I now only have £190 per month to live on.
Talk about stuck.
I really don't know what to do next.
HELP.

[MillionToOneChances]

Do not move out and leave the children there. You are separated, you can definitely claim tax credits as a single person.

[Baconyum]

You need a much better solicitor!

Ask around for advice, I was recommended my 2nd much better solicitor by an administrator in the first ones office! Think she knew she was rubbish!

As I understand it based on my own divorce (in England, I now live in Scotland and as a pp stated its different here) financial legalities must be sorted before even nisi applied for. My 2nd solicitor found a raft of mistakes the first one had made. It was a mess.

But yes you can be officially and financially single even if you are both living in the same house I've a few friends that have been in that situation. What the hell kind of father lives with their kids and sees them go without!

[Offred]

This doesn't make much sense to me, if you moved with the children to a rented place you would no longer be living together and would have no issues at all claiming TC/HB etc.

Why do you feel you need to go without the DC?

[Iwantmymaidennameback]

Because my mum lives in a 1 bed HA flat so no room for the DCs.
In answer to PP, I have no idea why my solicitor told me I could get legal aid unless it was because he had STBX pegged as financially abusive.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

unless it was because he had STBX pegged as financially abusive.

Do you have proof of this? It would qualify, if you do. You'd need strong proof, though - a conviction or caution, a fact-finding letter from a court, an injunction... if he was physically abusive, a letter confirming violence from a refuge or local authority is also acceptable.

If legal aid isn't an option here, have you read the guidance for claiming tax credits whilst living in the same house as your ex? Could you do that? That's the best way forward here - you really don't want to leave your DCs, especially if he's as nasty as he sounds.

[Yseulte]

If the solicitor thought DH was financially abusive and those were the grounds on which you would apply for legal aid, he should have told you what you evidence you would need to gather to have a chance of qualifying.

[Offred]

But why can't you move to your own property?

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

Why can't you move?

You need to be realistic, if you are not working then finding any job has to be priority. Once that's done, you can move out and disentangle finances.

It's obvious he won't leave and it looks like you are the one wanting out so you need to be more pro active. If you want out so badly then it's easily done once you have your own income.

[Offred]

Well working may be impossible due to ages/numbers of kids etc.

But is certainly possible to ask WA and the LA to house you due to domestic abuse, to look into local schemes to help you get into private sector housing, to make an application for housing benefit prior to moving etc.

[RandomMess]

There are guidelines that you need to follow to claim as a single parent whilst sharing with an ex. Basically you just have to be living separately, you do NOTHING for him at all, no washing/cooking/cleaning etc. you buy the food for you and dc separately and only look after them and their needs.

Get on the phone to HMRC and start the ball rolling as a single parent. Yes they may be difficult about it but be persistent and explain you are in the middle of divorcing that the case is on hold at x court and that you are living entirely separate lives and have been for y months.

[JanuaryKat]

Even if entitled to Legal Aid on the grounds of domestic abuse, any equity in property is taken into account. If it's above the threshold (sorry, can't remember the figure) they will refuse La. It's a shit system which means many victims of abuse cannot afford to divorce their abuser.

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

Offred, one of the children is a teenager so won't need chuldcare and the others are in juniors at primary school. They will be there at least thirty hours a week so nothing to stop the OP working at all. The DWP will expect her too given the ages of the children.

[Iwantmymaidennameback]

Over the past few weeks I have applied for lots of jobs, and not fancy ones either. I even went to a local recruitment agency but they said majority of their factory vacancies want people to do rotating night shift so not possible.
I have applied to local social housing but obviously not a priority so long wait there. I have looked round more shitholes in the private rental sector than you can believe. But they either won't accept HB or they are way over my LHA.
I have phoned tax credits but they seemed VERY dubious about my chances of getting anything as they obviously feel DH should be supporting us.
Have just applied for JSA but not too hopeful as they will see situation in same light as tax credits. But if I am lucky enough to get something then at least I will have access to jobclub which should help me get back into work as atm I can't seem to get an interview never mind an actual job.

[Offred]

But you are being abused and you need rehoming because of the abuse - have you told them that?

Letting agents often take HB tenants but usually with a guarantor.

[Iwantmymaidennameback]

Yes but my guarantor (DH) has changed his mind after I turned down his latest financial settlement offer. I don't know anyone else who earns enough to do it instead.
In a pickle aren't I? Feel like I am going to be stuck here forever.

[gooseberryroolz]

I have phoned tax credits but they seemed VERY dubious about my chances of getting anything as they obviously feel DH should be supporting us.
Have just applied for JSA but not too hopeful as they will see situation in same light as tax credits.

Don't ASK them, TELL them you are separated under one roof and divorcing and you need to claim as a single parent to reflect that. Your DH is NOT supporting you financially and you can supply a solicitor's letter confirming the imminent divorce.

That is your first step; It will sort out the finances so that you can go ahead and get divorced and it will help with the other issues.

[gooseberryroolz]

You do need to be confident and assertive about it. You are well within your rights to claim as separated if that reflects the situation. If you are still domestically entangled (shopping, laundry) then untangle now.

[Baconyum]

Yea you definitely have to be determined and assertive. Most social services offices and I'd imagine the same is true for women's aid, have people expert in advising on benefits rights.

Tax credits and DWP and council always like to given the impression you're not entitled/unlikely to receive something and won't tell you about any you don't already know about and have specifically asked about.

There are also welfare rights/poverty charities that will help with this side of things eg Christians against poverty who have a great reputation.

[Iwantmymaidennameback]

I have an interview at the jobcentre tomorrow as I applied for JSA.
I have no idea whatsoever to say to them as I really don't think they'll believe me.
Any advice???

[AcrossthePond55]

I'm not in the UK, so don't have any practical advice. Just want to wish you luck tomorrow.

[Iwantmymaidennameback]

thankyou across. I am guessing you are in US so things might be different out there with regards to marriage and divorce.

[AcrossthePond55]

I think marriage is the same the world over , but divorce is surely different!

I live in a 'no fault' states so it's relatively easy to get divorced. File papers, agree on finances/child stuff, file more papers, and bingo! six months later you're free. When there are complicated finances or people just can't agree you can still get the marriage terminated and then work out the settlement later using 'bifurcation'.

Defo NOT that simple in the UK from what I've heard on MN!

[goddessofsmallthings]

If asked about your home circumstances I suggest you tell the truth ,which is that you have consulted a solicitor with regard to divorce but, until such time as you can find a job and accumulate sufficient funds to pay the required legal costs, you have no alternative but to remain living under the same roof as your financially controlling and abusive h albeit that you do not share a bed, nor do you buy or prepare food for each other, or engage in any activity which could be said to be that of a married or co-habiting couple.

Do make contact with Women's Aid as they will be of help to you - the link again is //www.womensaid.org.uk

[Baconyum]

Yes be absolutely clear that you are not 'living together as though you are married' but as a single person NOT in a relationship.

[AcrossthePond55]

Oh, and yes, I'm in the US. The basic 'reason' for divorce here (California) is 'irreconcilable differences' and it's pretty much what's on all the papers regardless of the 'real' reason for divorce (like adultery or abuse). It always amuses me when I hear entertainment news and the announcer seems to think that 'irreconcilable difference' actually expresses something about the 'state' of a celebrity's marriage, when it's just legal jargon.