He was logging onto POF while with me!

[valentinespissed]

8th date

All going well.

Not sure we have had the exclusivity chat or not but he'd certainly said he just flicked through dating apps and wasn't intending to see anyone else and was happy to explore us.

Don't ask me why but he was on his way over for a Valentines night last night (I am not online dating) and I just did a search on POF and saw he was online.

He logged on numerous times on his journey over, he logged on this morning when I was in the shower and he logged on about 5 minutes after he left my house :(

This is really bad isn't it?

To my mind, you don't see people for 6+ dates, be sleeping with them and still shop around.

I have just ended a relationship of 8+ dates over about 6 weeks when he asked to keep meeting me and date others

wtf! Meeting me? But dating others? If they are coming in after me, surely it's the other way around or in down graded. Fuck that!

YAnbu love, he texted a woman from your bed! For that alone he's history! How dare he?!

(((Hug)))

Valentines I'm glad it helped. You took that really gracefully! If you can avoid OLD, that's a brilliant idea. Best of luck.

HotNatured Thanks :)

Hissy - the OP told the guy she was ok with him messaging other women 8 dates in, so that's exactly what he was doing. The OP needs to change her approach big time not have it reinforced IMHO as so far it has served her terribly. Who knows, she may be back chatting to the guy and all is rosy. But I also have to say 6 dates does surely not a 'relationship' make. I wonder why a woman would rush to label themselves in a relationship with a man they've barely met. Surely 6 dates in is far too soon to decide someone is relationship material? Or am I being massively pragmatic/cynical.

Not relationship per se, but what other word describes an intent to see how it goes, give a chance to see what's what.

Many people these days sleep together in a few weeks, it seems only polite to allow someone that you're intimate with the room not to be Just one of a few/many.

I agree the attitude should change, the tinder 'have yr cake and bang everything else in sight' schema Represents a very poor precedent for social interaction and relationships

O, you don't have to accept anything to be cool. Know what your limits are and stick to them.

Op*

I loathe the sweet shop mentality, it's so demeaning. There are decent guys who don't want to continuously maximise their options.

I didnt meet him online. I met him when I was out one night and knew him for about 6 months before our first date; so I did feel I knew him well enough to ask him to take his profiles down and was suprised he didn't.

He had told me they were online but barely active and that he was not messaging anyone else and I had "nothing to worry about" and his refusal to take them down was not due to looking to meet someone else, but that it felt it was too soon for me to be making demands and I should trust him.

He has been onine on POF literally all day. Literally the entire day he has ben at work.

I think what happened was, someone "interesting" messaged him out of the blue on there yesterday and while he hadn't been online before that mor than once a week, he has been solidly online for 24 hours as he has met someone he is obviously now exchanging hundreds of messages a day with.

Before, during and after out valentines date, and he cannot have "met" her any time before yesterday because he hadn't been online for ages.

Which is the exact problem with the sweet shop mentality. No matter how well things are going you are looking over your shoulder.

Let's hope whoever "she" is turns out to be a man!

Humorous part of all of it, is that in the six months I knew him before he had a handful of "first dates" and the woman ghosted him afterwards every time so let's hope a fat dose of karma comes up and she takes one look at his ugly face that took six months to get a date off me and she realises she can do better than the total prick

I hope you are not considering relying on the hope she will not be interested after she has met him. Sounds like you have found some anger towards him, enough to realise your worth and dump before a meeting? Don't settle for being anyone's 2nd best.

I am absolutely utterly furious.

I wouldnt let him near me if he came wrapped in winning lottery tickets

Well done for dumping him.

If you went out on a date with somebody and they spent the date staring at other women and chatting to them would you go on a second date?

I wouldn't. OLD is the same. When you meet someone and second date you delete your profiles and put 100% into that person. If it doesn't work out then go back OLD.

Anyone who won't do that isn't worth your time.

If you have dumped him now you need to stop looking to see if he is online. Seriously. It's over.

He doesn't sound great. But I think it would also benefit you to try to address your trust issues before getting involved with anyone else. You were looking hard for something to be wrong and getting highly anxious. This isn't healthy for you or conducive to good relationships in future.

I mean it sounds like you were looking for things to be wrong even before they were.