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Original poster

Valentine's bloody nonsense of course

58 replies

RivieraKid · 14/02/2016 22:06

Soooo. my DP and I have had an argument in the past because Valentine's does kind of mean something to me even if most people think it's just commercialised affection day and it's not really a thing for him (he completely forgot one year and I was annoyed).

He said back then that he got it and was sorry and sent me a text this morning saying 'i love you, happy valentines' - I said I'd love to hear from him later after work (we're in a LDR and don't see each other that often so I thought a phone call even just to catch up would be nice). He sends me a text after work saying he's off to do 'some things' that mean he'll be out of signal all night. Um. AIBU to feel sad? (it's yes isn't it, I'm a bag of weak will emotionally manipulated by popular holidays).

OP posts:
Vintage45 · 14/02/2016 23:34

The biggy is that the OP has said she's the one that puts in the effort.
The OP has also stated that drugs are involved.

Im saying that she is with a self absorbed manchild and should get rid of him.

Original poster
RivieraKid · 14/02/2016 23:36

He's not normally like this though, honestly. That text was out of character for him, so I'm just sitting here worrying.

OP posts:
MrsJorahMormont · 14/02/2016 23:38

Is there some massive back story here that Riviera knows and other people don't? Don't get me wrong, I'd be more concerned about drugs and whether he treats you well all the time, even when he's depressed. I just wouldn't dump someone over something like this until we'd had a really good talk about it and I'd given him the chance to make a bit more effort.

Vintage45 · 14/02/2016 23:39

You are worth far more than this.

Original poster
RivieraKid · 14/02/2016 23:43

Oh, I wouldn't dump him over this one thing either, I'm just anxious about what on earth he's doing and sad that he wouldn't call me. There isn't much backstory apart from I know he's been getting wasted more often now I don't live there anymore, he's also about to move in with someone who does a fair amount of getting wasted as well so there's that too. He's prone to depression as I said before ( this is, in fact, the depressed fiance who dumped me once already who I think my first ever thread here was about!) but he said he's been doing so much better recently.

OP posts:
Original poster
RivieraKid · 14/02/2016 23:44

Sorry I've realised ex-fiance is in itself a huge backstory but it's not really relevant to this situation now we've been back together for a while?

OP posts:
Phalenopsisgirl · 14/02/2016 23:44

Riviera, only you really know all the ins and outs here. Don't sell yourself short though. Is this just a blip that has left you feeling wounded tonight but 90% of the time you are on cloud 9 or are you settling? If you find yourself wishing he / the relationship was different more than once a week or so then it may be time to re think. Your Mr 90% perfect is out there, and he will find you so don't be afraid to make yourself available for him.

Vintage45 · 14/02/2016 23:46

Of course not OP.

For some reason you're holding onto a whole lot of nothing but pain.

Up to you.

Original poster
RivieraKid · 14/02/2016 23:56

Honestly phalen I don't know anymore. Maybe he was settling for me, not the other way around, and now he has more freedom we're growing apart because he's doing new things. I just don't know. I know I was naive to think we'd be the same after I moved but when we do see each other in the flesh it's wonderful.

OP posts:
Original poster
RivieraKid · 14/02/2016 23:58

Thank you all for replying btw sorry I know it's late.

OP posts:
Vintage45 · 15/02/2016 00:05

You are a lovely caring woman OP. He's the twat. He's the one that fucked off on valentines day.

pictish · 15/02/2016 00:12

Oh bollocks to Valentine's Day - he's in another part of the frigging country!

If my LDR partner got in a steam over me being unavailable on Valentine's Day even though I was hundreds of miles away, I'd wonder what the very fuck was wrong with him!

If he's an inconsiderate twat, dump him. if you're making all the effort, dump him. If it's not working for you, dump him.

But fgs Valentine's schmalentine's - he's not there so there is nothing he can realistically do to celebrate it. I'd only ever offer a cursory text or quick call under the same circumstances myself.

Vintage45 · 15/02/2016 00:14

Yeah ok pictish.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 15/02/2016 00:39

Any chance he could be making his way to see you as a surprise?

Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/02/2016 08:49

I was only asking 5 mins availability on the phone, I don't think that's too much, but no, it's not just valentine's - it's more the caginess when usually he's really honest about what he's up to.

OP posts:
MNHQ
BeccaMumsnet · 15/02/2016 12:22

Hi all - we're going to move this over to "Relationships" at the OP's request.

Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/02/2016 17:06

Oh wow.

So I finally hear from him at around half three today. He was passed out on the couch of The Bad Influence, and said he 'couldn't even remember' if he'd taken any psychedelics, but he's talking strangely, in rhyme almost like he's on something. Telling me he loves me so much, that I'm the one...I'm beyind furious with him.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 15/02/2016 17:43

What future do you actually see with this man?

What were your plans to get back together again?

BitOutOfPractice · 15/02/2016 17:54

Pictish that's all she wanted. A 5 minute call.

He sounds like a bit of a flake

Duckdeamon · 15/02/2016 17:59

So he has substance abuse issues and is seemingly inclined to go further down that path, eg moving in with the substance abuser friend.

You also hint that in the past he treated you badly and you both put this down to his MH. Hmm And he's not exactly being good to you at present.

A break up might well be easier now you've moved away.

Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/02/2016 18:22

I'm just so broken. I put everything into making us better after we got back together and so did he, but now he's just doing more and more stupid shit and right now he sounds certifiable, as though he's still on something. He hasn't even said sorry I went on a massive weed and god knows what else bender and didn't tell you. He says he trusts The Bad Influence to look after him when they're tripping together. I just don't have words...Nanny when we got back together all our plans were back on, marriage, family, etc...

OP posts:
Original poster
RivieraKid · 15/02/2016 18:23

I feel like I'm about to put a chair through the window I'm so angry.

OP posts:
Hissy · 15/02/2016 20:43

Walk, just walk love. This guy will only bring you misery.

inlectorecumbit · 15/02/2016 20:55

Perhaps his "gift" to you on valentines day was for you to see what this relationship actually is.
Not healthy and you certainly deserve better than playing second fiddle to " the bad influence"
Walk away and find someone who wants and deserves to be with you

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2016 23:21

How were you going to deal with the distance? Is he moving to you or is it temporary?

I think you need to make it permanent...

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