I have no life outside of home

[littleraysofsunshine]

No hobbies, friends have faded, I am a SAHM / little bits of WFH too. I feel like I have no sense of me anymore. We have almost four kids under 5 years so it's something I knew would change. But even so I think as I've been with dp for nearly ten years (when I was 17) I've always been dependent on knowing what he's doing, trying to do family things together, he gets his time and I think am I resentful that he still does his? Even though it seems harder for me as time is limited.

Four children under five? I'd be astounded if you had two minutes to go for a pee in private.

It won't always be like this. It honestly won't.

What's your partner's response to you wanting some time to yourself? Like going out for a few hours once in a while while he looks after your kids?

He says I should. But then that leaves the only option of asking in laws to watch the kids which is a situation at the moment...

Why do you need in-laws to watch the kids? Surely your dp can look after his own children once in a while?

Why can't your partner watch his kids while you get a bit of time out?

Another one asking why cant dp look after his own dcs?

Agree your dp should step up. Do you believe you have a balanced relationship? Do you discuss and make decisions together? Are you married? How old is your partner?

Please excuse all the questions! Just trying to understand your relationship.

Works long hours, weekends are the time really. But then if we do that, our family time is jeopardised as we have limited amounts of that too

I've just been having this conversation with dh. We have 3 under 4. He has just taken our bikes to be fixed up and I'm going to start cycling when I need a break instead of staring out our bedroom window breathing heavily :)

I think no matter what you have to carve time out for yourself OP for your own sanity and general well being.

Is dh at home all weekend? If so there is time for you to have a break and time for the family

He's out Saturday's so Sunday's we try to use it as family day

Is he out every Saturday? What is he doing?

Is he out working Saturdays or out doing his own thing?

Arrange to meet an old friend or some of your family on your own for a couple of hours on a Sunday evening. Let DH do bathtime/bedtime once a week.

Is there anywhere you could go that offers free or cheap child care?
A fitness centre for example or an adult education course? X

Alternate Saturdays if he's doing anything other than working. Or he does his Saturday AM and you do yours Saturday PM (or vice versa). Or if he 'gets' Saturday you 'get' two evenings per week to do something for yourself.

Does your DH ever look after the children on his own or is that 'your job'?

I find it hard trusting anyone these days after my friends seemed to have drifted. So that's md putting another barrier up...

I want to do pregnancy yoga classes but then I think think why waste the money when I have the DVD, and I then worry if doing even more activity will set me in early labour as at this stage I'm told to slow down as despite baby's going full term, they shoot out!

You need as much girl time, as he needs boy time. Call him out on this

Acrosstgepond - I look after the children full time

Saturday it's football for him and he's back by bedtime mostly, unless a night out is arranged for a special occasion.

That is unbelievably selfish of him - all day every Saturday? You are so young, you need more of a life than this.

Sorry to sound harsh but this kind of thing is posted all the time. Knock the bloody football on the head, why are you tolerating it?!

Sent too soon. At least only every other Saturday, if you can have the other one to yourself until bedtime.
I know that probably isn't what your want, so I'd be saying no football full stop - weekends are family time.
You can't do yoga at home with so many young children so book yourself a class once a week for a start.

You are a family, not him plus the rest of you who live in the same house

Selfishly having Saturdays to himself is ridiculously out of order

If he's happy to give up family time on a Saturday to have "his" time, you should feel no guilt at all in doing the same on a Sunday, or better still, two evenings a week.

If he doesn't support you to do that he needs a new hobby that doesn't take him away from his family all day Saturday.